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Iโ€™d like to meet the person who decided that if you wanted to get married fast it had to be done by Elvis.

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Of course your crush is going to leave their spouse for you. That’s how delusions work.

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That awkward moment when someone keeps watching you while you are eating.

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You look like you suck at Mario Kart.

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Due to inflation and tariffs, my love now costs a thing.

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Adulting is only fun when you have the funds.

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In Russia, the cold complains about you.

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Babies invented being in a bad mood for no reason, and they continue to innovate in the field.

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Does no one disappear in the Bermuda Triangle anymore, or is there just too much other news?

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If I text you at 8:10, you’re supposed to reply at 8:09.

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I am at my Thanksgiving table observing personality disorders that have not been identified yet.

I am at my Thanksgiving table observing personality disorders that have not been identified yet.

Commentary:
Ah, the Thanksgiving table – where family dynamics take center stage! ๐Ÿฆƒ๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘งโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆ It's like a live performance of The Real Housewives of Dysfunction Junction! ๐ŸŽญ๐Ÿ˜‚ Who needs name cards when you can just assign DSM-5 diagnoses to everyone instead? ๐Ÿ“‹๐Ÿคช #ThanksgivingTales



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