35 funny Thanksgiving quotes - Wordgag

Thanksgiving and Christmas should be six months apart. Absurd to see those people again so soon. Insane.

May 29, 2026

“Nah.” – everyone with an office job, from the Monday after Thanksgiving until January 2nd.

May 29, 2026

My role at Thanksgiving dinner is to Blair Witch it alone in the corner.

May 29, 2026

The best part of Thanksgiving is being with family and friends, and a vast array of pies.

May 29, 2026

Thanksgiving is just me trying to look cute while holding a fork like a medieval warrior.

May 29, 2026

My bit for Thanksgiving is going to be constantly bringing up politics, but pronouncing every politician’s name slightly incorrectly.

May 29, 2026

Everything is about sex except Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is about power.

May 29, 2026

Facing my uncle’s dreaded lightning bolt attack at the Thanksgiving dinner table.

May 29, 2026

In an effort to keep our house clean before Thanksgiving, I’ve asked my family to go live somewhere else.

May 29, 2026

This Thanksgiving, don’t ask me questions about my life, just pass the mashed potatoes.

May 29, 2026

If your family starts fighting on Thanksgiving, go live.

May 29, 2026

Brother: What are you bringing to Thanksgiving dinner? Me: Wine and unresolved issues. They pair nicely.

May 29, 2026

Thanksgiving ain’t been the same ever since my uncle pulled that gun out on everybody.

May 25, 2026

If you wish me a happy Thanksgiving, don’t be surprised if I whip out a ziplock bag and ask you to bring me home some leftovers.

May 25, 2026

You know it’s been a successful Thanksgiving when your clothes no longer fit.

May 24, 2026

I am at my Thanksgiving table observing personality disorders that have not been identified yet.

May 24, 2026

This year for Thanksgiving, I’ll probably bring what I brought last year… shame upon the family.

May 24, 2026

76% of pardoned turkeys end up back in the system.

May 24, 2026

By accepting their pardons, the turkeys are admitting guilt.

May 24, 2026

Hosting Thanksgiving? Bring up politics so everyone will leave early.

May 24, 2026

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re searching “Thanksgiving recipes that won’t cause heartburn.”

May 24, 2026

If you’re alone on Thanksgiving, venmo me $25 and I’ll call and ask you when are you gonna get a “real” job and give me grandchildren.

May 24, 2026

The number one rule of Thanksgiving dinner is take your own vehicle so you can leave on your own terms.

May 24, 2026

If we start dating now, we could be feeding each other deviled eggs on Thanksgiving, and breaking up before we have to exchange gifts for Christmas.

May 24, 2026

Call your family now and ask them what the wifi password is, so they have time to find the little paper it’s written on before Thanksgiving.

May 23, 2026

If my family starts talking politics at Thanksgiving, I’m changing the subject by announcing I’m pregnant.

May 23, 2026

I’ve never been cut in half by a magician, but I have worn jeans on Thanksgiving. Same thing.

May 23, 2026

Canadian Thanksgiving isn’t the same day as Thanksgiving in the US because Canadians already put gravy on everything every day.

May 23, 2026

Thanksgiving should be called Feaster.

May 23, 2026

Cheers to all who skipped that one dish at Thanksgiving because you just didn’t trust the person who brought it.

May 23, 2026

I bet when you invited me to Thanksgiving dinner you didn’t think I’d stay this long.

May 23, 2026

Dear predictive text, I am tired of sending people “Thanksgiving” when they send me a recipe or directions.

May 21, 2026

Taking the day off to brush up on conspiracy theories and really get this Thanksgiving party started.

May 21, 2026

For Thanksgiving don’t ask me about my life, just pass me the bottle.

May 20, 2026

I just finished cleaning the house for Thanksgiving, so if you’re looking for my family they’ll be in the backyard until Thursday.

May 20, 2026