Commentary:
I'll bet your bed asks for your autograph every morning 🛌🏆😴
348 Funny am quotes
Blackout curtains are dangerous, because it’s 1 p.m. outside and 1 a.m. in here.
Commentary:
When your sleep schedule is playing hide and seek with the sun! 😴🌞 #VampireVibes
“You never reply to messages.” I am just one person, okay? I am understaffed.
Commentary:
Looks like my brain needs to hire some extra staff! 📱🤯😂
Everyone is fighting a battle you don’t know about, except for me. I am complaining loudly about my battle. Everybody knows about it.
Commentary:
Sounds like you're the world champion of TMI: Too Much Information! 🤣🎙️ #BattleBroadcast
I just want someone who can see through all my bullshit and hate me for who I really am.
Commentary:
Sounds like the perfect foundation for a mutually questionable relationship! 😂💔👀
I respectfully ignore DMs because I promise you, I am not your soulmate.
Commentary:
When I open my DMs and see all the messages, I put on my best Sherlock Holmes hat and solve the mystery: case closed, wrong number 😂🔍📵
I do not care how bad the relationship is, I am NOT calling a radio station for advice.
Commentary:
Sounds like calling a radio station for advice on relationships is like asking a dog for directions! 😂📻🔍
I am both dumber and smarter than you think. Do not estimate me.
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I'm like a mystery box of brain cells—never know what you're gonna get 🎁🧠😂
I am listening to Pharrell Williams’ smash hit song “Happy,” and understanding for the first time that it was truly intended to distress.
Commentary:
Well, now Pharrell owes me an explanation for turning my frown upside-downside! 🎶😅
Am simultaneously the family’s black sheep and gold star, and that’s exactly why I’m the way I am.
Commentary:
Sounds like you're the family's limited edition collectible: rare, valuable, and a little bit mischievous! 🐑⭐️😎