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"Wow, they must be emitting some out-of-this-world vibes! 🌍🚀 Wonder if they're sending good energy or just picking up some Wi-Fi signals from Neptune. 😄"

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Why trust atoms? Because they’ve never been caught fibbing, just fission.

1 month ago

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My child has entered the “Why?” stage of linguistic development, and I’ve realized I know absolutely nothing.

1 month ago

absolutely, child, development, humor, i, know, knowledge, linguistic, linguistic development, nothing, parenting, stage, why, why stage
If alcohol was the one that was banned instead of weed, then a lot of people would have had memories of hungry, stoned fathers instead of angry, drunk ones.

1 month ago

alcohol, anger, angry, ban, drunk, father, hunger, hungry, lot, memory, ones, people, stoned, weed
I’m changing the game. I’m starting to thank people from the top of my heart.

1 month ago

appreciation, change, changing, game, heart, humor, people, thank, top
I’m going to write a book about all the things I should have done with my life. l’ll call it my oughtabiography.

2 months ago

book, call, done, going, humor, i, life, oughtabiography, regrets, self-reflection, should, things, writing
I take offense when people don’t invite me to events l’d like to turn down.

2 months ago

i, invite, me, people, take, turn

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

I can now see how sitting on a porch could fill an entire life.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

I’m an adult in the same way that Katy Perry is an astronaut.

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My passport probably thinks I’m in prison.

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A pretty girl like me should be in the sky, sitting on a star.

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Kids should get the last name of whichever parent has more followers.

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My swear jar is having a very profitable week.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Date idea: you hold my hand while I call the dentist and you tell me I’m so brave.

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Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Yes, officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn’t see your car.

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I simply accept my extreme loneliness as punishment for something I did in a past life, and don’t worry about it.

Trending via Facebook:

Buying new glasses this week, so a whole bunch of you are about to get a whole lot uglier.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Wanna come over and see my mis-matched sock collection?

Shared recently on Facebook:

November should have one more day. Just because to me November 31st sounds real. And also I don’t want to pay rent tomorrow.

Trending via Instagram:

The gaps in my resume are from the space bar.

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I can feel your energy from two planets away.

Why trust atoms? Because they’ve never been caught fibbing, just fission.

My child has entered the “Why?” stage of linguistic development, and I’ve realized I know absolutely nothing.

If alcohol was the one that was banned instead of weed, then a lot of people would have had memories of hungry, stoned fathers instead of angry, drunk ones.

I’m changing the game. I’m starting to thank people from the top of my heart.

I’m going to write a book about all the things I should have done with my life. l’ll call it my oughtabiography.

I take offense when people don’t invite me to events l’d like to turn down.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I love being wrong, it’s just like being right except easier and I get to be stupid, which is my favorite thing.

Liking someone romantically is actually just a humiliation ritual.

You cannot go outside for a year or two. Come back, and the same people still be outside in the same places.

Sorry for my bad behavior. Mercury is in gatorade or whatever.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I’m the type of person to go back to sleep and try to finish a dream.

If you have gray in your beard, you can hit it.

I have an addiction to pattern recognition.

There’s poetry in walking away without closing the door too loud.

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I would like even faster food.

Dating apps? No thanks, if I wanted to talk to someone for hours and accomplish nothing, I’d contact tech support.

Starting to think I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

I was not prepared for my knees to sound like someone is breaking spaghetti noodles in half every time I go up the stairs.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Why would I work from home when I don’t even work from work?

Everybody looks like a criminal on the self-checkout camera.

If you like constant interruptions when you’re trying to get something done, then parenting might be for you.

Hear me out. What if we don’t elect another president, and we all just promise to be really good?

“Careful. It’s slippery!” – Everyone, after you’ve already slipped.

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I can feel your energy from two planets away.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Why trust atoms? Because they’ve never been caught fibbing, just fission.

My child has entered the “Why?” stage of linguistic development, and I’ve realized I know absolutely nothing.

If alcohol was the one that was banned instead of weed, then a lot of people would have had memories of hungry, stoned fathers instead of angry, drunk ones.

I’m changing the game. I’m starting to thank people from the top of my heart.

I’m going to write a book about all the things I should have done with my life. l’ll call it my oughtabiography.

I take offense when people don’t invite me to events l’d like to turn down.

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