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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

Dating apps aren’t working, time to start drinking beer and eating hot dogs along the first base line at a baseball game.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

I really hope my house is haunted and not in need of structural repairs.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

I admire how, when babies don’t want to hold something anymore, they just drop it.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

I just finally discovered what’s wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

My favorite part of the Bible is when Jesus says to put a cross emoji and a Bible verse in your bio, and then call people slurs on the internet.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

I don’t procrastinate, I delegate to my future self.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

Welcome to your 40s, you’re too old to sit on the floor and put furniture together.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

God: “I don’t regret the Flood, but I do regret the Ark.”

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

Really love how dancing alone in your room can literally save your life.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

I may not understand women, but cheeseburgers have never sent me mixed signals, and for that they’ll always have my heart.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,449

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Slack:

Mad that so many renaissance artists were named after ninja turtles.

Trending via Twitch:

The pizza delivery guys say “see you tomorrow” to everyone, right?

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Has anyone ever died from waiting for a group of people to decide what they want to eat.

Just shared via WeChat:

Guys, please stop wearing NASA shirts, I bet you can’t even name one of their songs.

Trending via YouTube:

If you play guitar in a band, always make sure to look like it hurts to play.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Genuinely nothing worse than going bowling with people who are actually good. Like, why are you doing all that?

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Hell hath no fury like a toddler who lost the chance to push a button.

Trending via Pinterest:

A fabric tomato filled with needles. Don’t see that much anymore.

Going bananas on Messenger:

This heat made me realize I won’t survive in hell, I gotta change.

Going viral on Snapchat:

An entire generation is currently studying for jobs that will not exist.

I don’t always whoop, but when I do, there it is.

2 days ago

Funny Quotes

Clever humorous text about rarely celebrating with a playful tone.

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Commentary:
Whoop there it is! 🎶 Just dropping a beat and some laughs! 😂🎉

always, catchphrase, expression, humor, i, surprise, whoop

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57 shares on Pinterest this month:

I used to look for monsters under the bed. Today I know they are behind some people’s fake smiles.

71 shares on Facebook this month:

The closest I get to a spa day is when I’m draining pasta, and the steam smacks me in the face.

71 shares on WeChat this month:

The Velvet Underground probably wouldn’t have been so influential if I was at their shows with a giant magnet and pulled their guitars out of their hands.

23 shares on Threads this month:

Just spent a couple seconds concerned about the sounds my stomach was making before realizing it was a motorcycle outside.

25 shares on Snapchat this month:

Whoever thinks money doesn’t buy happiness can deposit it in my bank account.

99 shares on Telegram this month:

Not to brag, but I ate all of my bananas before they turned brown. Don’t be jealous.

63 shares on Threads this month:

It’s crazy people waste their time with hobbies and family when there are strangers on the internet who need to be argued with.

86 shares on Facebook this month:

Went out of town, came back and the roomba changed all the locks.

88 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Going to IKEA if anyone needs some meatballs.

25 shares on TikTok this month:

All I’m saying is that I’m closer to being a millionaire than Jeff Bezos is.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Still can’t believe we have a federal holiday to celebrate the 1996 hit movie Independence Day.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Icarus loved hot wings.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Running from your problems is cardio.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

I want to run through your dreams and settle in your nightmares.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

I kind of enjoy living in a world where I can end a conversation by simply not texting back.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

If the number 666 is considered evil, then technically, 25.8069758 is the root of all evil.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

You know you don’t have to give your bathroom a beach theme, there’s no law.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Cocaine is God’s way of telling you that you make too much money.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

They charge you for the groceries and then they charge you for the toilet paper when you turn the groceries into poop. Open your eyes!

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

I get shy when my man stares at me for too long because what if he’s realizing I’m actually a lil ugly.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on YouTube:

At the self-checkout, I make small talk with myself and I wish I would just shut up.

Just shared via Threads:

I’ve been closer to death than a stable relationship.

Just shared via WeChat:

Hello 911? Yes, my wife is forcing me to walk over to meet the neighbors.

Seen just now on Telegram:

The struggle to get off the couch and into bed is real.

Going viral on Discord:

Being the forward-thinking person I am, I kept my winter fat through the summer.

Trending via Snapchat:

I always carry a knife with me in case I run into someone with 10,000 spoons.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I wish berries were the size of apples. Just imagine for a second.

Going viral on Instagram:

When I hear the word “horror”, the first thing I think of is bills, not Halloween.

Trending via Threads:

I’m not moody; I’m just on shuffle.

Shared recently on Slack:

Hate it when my alarm goes off in the morning, and I’m still alive.

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Activity Log ✨

I don’t always whoop, but when I do, there it is.

This pillow isn’t going to scream into itself.

I’ve jogged with my jogging pants about as often as I’ve rolled through the kitchen with kitchen roll.

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

Simplicity is so complicated.

The only ‘survival horror’ game I play is called ‘getting up every day and leaving the house.

I get it dogs, I wish I could also bark at strangers approaching my house.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I don’t always whoop, but when I do, there it is.

Keep the laugh going 😂

This pillow isn’t going to scream into itself.

I’ve jogged with my jogging pants about as often as I’ve rolled through the kitchen with kitchen roll.

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

Simplicity is so complicated.

The only ‘survival horror’ game I play is called ‘getting up every day and leaving the house.

I get it dogs, I wish I could also bark at strangers approaching my house.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨