I drive regularly so that my brain doesn’t forget swear words.

72 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“Fries or salad?” sums up every adult decision you have to make.

100 shares on Instagram this month:

Sorry, I missed your call. I watched it ring and everything.

65 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If you’re wondering whether something is A.I. or not, A.I. has already won.

40 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Getting mad at your hair is a whole different kind of angry.

70 shares on Twitch this month:

Being a consultant would be fun. Like “hmmm… maybe! Here’s your invoice.”

94 shares on Threads this month:

Some nights I stay up hella late just farting.

62 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Accidentally falling asleep on the couch is somehow always the best sleep.

92 shares on YouTube this month:

Dating now is basically choosing which red flag you’re willing to tolerate.

13 shares on Telegram this month:

Yes, I’d love to learn your family card game. I’m sure it won’t be excruciating at all.

37 shares on Telegram this month:

Don’t let anyone ruin your day. Be a man. Ruin it yourself.