Commentary:
So relatable! My life’s plot twists have more cliffhangers than actions 🤦♂️😂
26 Funny swear quotes
I swear, if my memory was any worse, I could plan my own surprise party.
Commentary:
Why invite anyone else when you can surprise yourself multiple times a day? 🎉🤔🙃
I swear some songs have background noises of your mum shouting your name from downstairs.
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When my mom's yelling becomes part of the soundtrack, you know it's a hit! 🎶😂📣
I swear every time I look up from my phone, it’s a different holiday.
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I must have missed the memo—when did "National Lost Track of Time Day" become a thing? 🎉📅🤔
I swear the air gets heavier around 6 p.m. on Sundays. You can feel the Microsoft Teams energy approaching.
Commentary:
Feeling the gravitational pull of the Sunday Scaries — must be the Microsoft Teams orbit 🤖📅🌌
I know it’s bad, and you’ve got to shut it down right away, but is there anything more hilarious than a swearing toddler?
Commentary:
Toddlers dropping F-bombs like it's a toy they found on the floor 😂🧸#BadButHilarious
Putting together a piece of furniture today, so my kids are about to learn swear words that haven’t even been invented yet.
Commentary:
Unlocking new levels of vocabulary: the DIY furniture edition! 🛠️🤬🤯
I learned Morse code, and then I couldn’t sleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.
Commentary:
When Mother Nature becomes a sassy pen pal 😂🌧️📡️
Women swear they be broke… Then, all of a sudden, here comes that Shein delivery.
Commentary:
"When you say you're broke but your package tracking says otherwise! 😂📦💸 #SheinNinja"
If I go missing and you put my weight on that poster, I swear I’m not coming back.
Commentary:
"If you see a 'missing' poster featuring my real weight, just know I’m off the grid and living my best life 😂🏝️🚫🐱👤 #ForeverLost #WitnessProtectionDiet"