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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

Does anyone play Trivial Pursuit anymore, or did it retire with the encyclopedias?

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

The person opposite me has a donut. I do not have a donut. That should be my donut. This person is now my arch nemesis.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Note to self: No more bitching about ugly furniture with people at IKEA whose home you haven’t been to yet.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

TMZ will find out you’re dead before you do.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Sorry, I can’t hang out. I don’t know enough words.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

I need to stop drinking so much. Did I say drinking? I meant thinking. I definitely need to drink more.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Walking that line between “The internet is great” and “The internet is a mistake” daily.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

When a man is a good cook, that cancels out like three red flags.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

How do I tell someone respectfully to die in a fire?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

239 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,508

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,508

Jan 7, 2026

3,345

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

They should invent a Sunday that’s longer than a couple of minutes.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

If I were god, I would’ve rested all 7 days.

Trending via YouTube:

Those guys holding fish in their dating profile pictures are just demonstrating how they’ll carry you over the threshold after marriage.

Live now on Reddit:

Getting a nose ring, so I don’t lose my keys.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

The most dangerous drinking game I play, is seeing how long I can go without coffee.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Straighten your back and drink some water, you dehydrated banana.

Just landed via Telegram:

I’m not being smart, I’m just a skilled trained professional in pointing out the obvious.

Spotted on WeChat:

Christmas adverts: “Eat all the food! Drink all the drink! Spoil yourself! It’s Christmas!” New year adverts: “Look at what you’ve done to yourself, you fat sack of shit!”

Shared recently on Twitch:

“Damn, you’re tight!” I whisper as I look at my monthly budget.

Going bananas on Discord:

NFTs were less about the money and more about the friends you scammed along the way.

I feel so discombobulated when supermarkets switch up the aisles without texting me first.

2 months ago

0

I feel so discombobulated when supermarkets switch up the aisles without texting me first.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Oh, the audacity of supermarkets to rearrange their aisles without prior notice! How dare they leave us feeling discombobulated and lost in the world of groceries 😱🛒 Next thing you know, they'll be hiding the cookies in the broccoli section just for fun! #SupermarketShenanigans"

aisles, confusion, discombobulated, feel, humor, i, me, shopping, supermarkets, switch, texting

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If you think about it, Santa really has the best job, he works one day a year and spends the rest of his time judging people.

0

2 months ago

best, Christmas, day, holiday, humor, job, judging, leisure, one day, people, rest, Santa, think, time, work, works, year
I suppose the supreme discipline for ninjas is sneaking up with flip flops.

0

2 months ago

discipline, flip, flip flop, flop, flops, footwear, humor, i, ninja, sneaking, stealth
A lot of childhood characters weren’t so much beloved as there wasn’t anything else on the TV.

0

2 months ago

beloved, character, childhood, entertainment, humor, nostalgia, TV
The best time to start a family fight is now. It gets you out of buying relatives gifts.

0

2 months ago

best, buying, family, fight, gifts, holiday, humor, relatif, sarcasm, start, time
Your honor, when I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean in contempt.

0

2 months ago

contempt, court, held, holding, honor, humor, i, judge, lawyer, mean, relationship, wanted, wit
Instead of making a sound, car alarms that go off at night should blast your name so everyone knows it’s your car.

0

2 months ago

alarm, blast, car, car alarm, everyone, humor, knows, making, name, night, should, sound

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

25 shares on X this month:

In my house the roles are reversed cause my kids tell me to turn my music down.

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

Parenting a teenager is surreal because you’ll be sitting there, and some dude who is much taller than you will walk around the corner and ask you how to open a popcorn bag.

77 shares on TikTok this month:

RIP to everyone killed by the Gods for their hubris, but I’m different. And better. Maybe even better than the Gods.

100 shares on Slack this month:

Job hunting has legitimately been the most demoralizing experience of my life. Nothing else will make you realize how little you can actually do.

72 shares on Messenger this month:

I just want everyone to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.

21 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If I honk at this person, maybe it will make them a better person.

58 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If my TV’s so smart then why doesn’t it slap me when I turn on the news?

68 shares on Twitch this month:

I hate managing money, I was born to splurge.

96 shares on Pinterest this month:

If you’re lost in the woods, start talking loudly about politics. Someone will come to argue with you.

13 shares on X this month:

How bad can a decision really be if nobody from the future shows up to stop you?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

What many call beauty can just be wiped off 90% of the time.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I want whatever the people who run at 6 a.m. have.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

You don’t have to remember details when you don’t lie.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I wonder how my close personal beloved friend Taylor Swift is doing today.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

At my next therapy session, I will be discussing the trauma I’ve been dealing with ever since the grocery store layout was altered.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I haven’t cleaned my shower in so long, it’s becoming a terrarium. Absolutely gorgeous.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

When you’re talking to someone and you can tell they’re trying out a new word.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

If I had a dollar for every time someone called me fat, I’d probably just spend it on more bacon.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

It is not without reason that all telescopes searching for intelligent life are pointed away from Earth.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Betrayal is when you’re holding a baby, and they put their arms out for someone else.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

239 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,508

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,508

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,629

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

I have decided to purchase the grocery store because it is now cheaper than the groceries inside it.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

I’ve never wrestled an angry alligator, but I have taken off a wet sports bra in the middle of summer. So, same thing.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

It’s all fun and games until your jeans no longer fit.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Everyone talks about climate change, but no one has the courage to sacrifice a virgin to appease the gods.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

Smithereens is the worst way to get blown.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

If food delivery apps had never been invented, I would either be wildly rich or dead.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

Gordon Ramsay is making us dinner. It’s a four curse meal.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

Please stop adding touchscreens to cars. Most of these idiots can barely drive as it is.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

I’m at the stage in life where I stay out of arguments. Even if you say 1+1=5, you’re right. Have fun.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Reddit:

The ultimate student paradox: skipping class to avoid stress, only to stress about skipping class!

Just landed via Instagram:

If you can’t laugh at yourself, I will.

Just landed via Reddit:

Oh, I didn’t tell you? Must have been none of your business, then.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Anytime I switch deodorants, it’s like a sexy stranger is following me around all day.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Your annoying online persona has captured my heart.

Making waves on WeChat:

I don’t want to “act young”. I just can’t be as “grown up” as others my age.

Just landed via Messenger:

As you get older, it’s amazing how fast bird-watching creeps up on you…

Just landed via X:

It’s normal that my retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding buried treasure at some point, right?

Live now on Twitch:

It’s romantic to fall in love during the collapse of society.

Shared recently on Threads:

Are you telling me these billionaires don’t have my best interests at heart?!

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