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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

I swear some songs have background noises of your mum shouting your name from downstairs.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

If you’re wondering how motherhood is going, I’m watching a TV show and someone is in traction with a full body cast and I sighed and said “That looks so relaxing”

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

Cinderella had one night out, and it changed her life. I had one night out, and it changed my credit score.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

Sick of people thinking the Midwest is just a bunch of small towns and cornfields when they forgot it’s also a lot of road construction, inconsistent weather, and deer that jump in front of your car.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

The inventor of autocorrect walked into a bar and ordered a bear.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

It’s a little ironic when you consider that the Internet was invented to save time.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

There must be an opposite of suicide, where someone suddenly and radically decides to start living, and rescues their own life from meaninglessness.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Egyptians did pretty well for a civilization that wrote entirely in emoji.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

Do people exist who manage to wash, dry, fold, and put away their laundry in the same day?

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

Someone at my job mentioned severance, and I was like, “Oh my God, I love that show,” and they said, “No, I’m about to get fired.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,330

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

We should be able to go to the bar and drink to watch Love Island, like men do with sports.

Shared recently on YouTube:

People remind me everyday why I prefer being on my own.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Interviewer: “What did you learn from your previous job?” Me: “That I need a new job.”

Breaking via Threads:

I wonder if babies know that we are more terrified of them than they are of us.

Spreading quickly via X:

Do you ever wish you could just walk away mid-conversation when you’re bored?

Trending via WeChat:

Rich people go to parties. It’s what they do, and somehow we must all watch videos of it.

Just landed via YouTube:

When I say someone is a good doctor, it’s entirely based on the strength of their waiting room Wi-Fi.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Do you mind if I wear my black T-shirt covered in pet hair to your fine dining establishment?

Just shared via Pinterest:

My self-care routine is mostly just going to Mexican restaurants.

Making waves on Messenger:

Super excited about a brand new week of self-sabotage.

I feel so discombobulated when supermarkets switch up the aisles without texting me first.

2 months ago

0

I feel so discombobulated when supermarkets switch up the aisles without texting me first.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Oh, the audacity of supermarkets to rearrange their aisles without prior notice! How dare they leave us feeling discombobulated and lost in the world of groceries 😱🛒 Next thing you know, they'll be hiding the cookies in the broccoli section just for fun! #SupermarketShenanigans"

aisles, confusion, discombobulated, feel, humor, i, me, shopping, supermarkets, switch, texting

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Traumatized people will navigate emergency situations with calm surety but then have an anxiety attack in a grocery store.

0

2 months ago

anxiety, attack, calm, emergency, grocery, grocery store, health, mental, mental health, panic, people, situation, situations, store, surety, trauma
Only two things are certain: death, and Princess Diana’s face on at least one grocery store magazine.

0

2 months ago

certainty, death, face, grocery, grocery store, humor, magazine, Princess Diana, store, things
Wearing expensive perfume to work feels like such a waste. This should be under someone’s full body weight, not in a corporate setting.

0

2 months ago

body, corporate, expensive, feels, fragrance, full, humor, office, perfume, scent, setting, should, under, waste, weight, work
Everyone’s gangsta until grandma grabs that wooden spoon.

0

2 months ago

childhood, discipline, family, gangsta, grandma, humor, nostalgia, spoon, wooden, wooden spoon
It’s too bad he never woke up and chose violence. “Bob Ross, mob boss” has a nice ring to it.

0

2 months ago

bad, Bob, Bob Ross, boss, character, choice, fictional, fictional character, humor, irony, mob, mob boss, never, nice, ring, ross, too, violence, wake, wake up, woke
“God has a plan for you!” Okay, well, I have some notes for him.

0

2 months ago

advice, criticism, God, humor, i, life, life advice, notes, okay, plan, sarcasm, well

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

43 shares on Slack this month:

As a beautiful woman, sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is “ew.”

29 shares on Threads this month:

Aliens: We are here to take over. Me: Thank God.

66 shares on Pinterest this month:

When you meet twins, demand to speak with the one in charge.

84 shares on YouTube this month:

People don’t hate working, they hate working and still being poor.

35 shares on Facebook this month:

I love beating a dead horse with the girls. There is nothing better than a Saturday night rehashing, and never letting that horse rest in peace.

52 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Is losing your mind a hobby?

41 shares on Slack this month:

That moment when it’s January in a couple of weeks, and you realize you are still trying to lose weight from last January.

61 shares on Pinterest this month:

There’s nothing worse than being in public and you touch something that shouldn’t be sticky and it is.

52 shares on Instagram this month:

Some people avoid bacon for the sake of religion. I avoid religion for the sake of bacon.

48 shares on Reddit this month:

Called in, “I can either stay home today and learn to play this accordion or bring it in with me. Your call.”

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody talks about the privilege of having a friend who shows interest in your hyperfixations.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

A man’s home is his castle, but his garage is his sanctuary.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

And to my children, I leave 127 open tabs on Safari.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Airport beer at 6 a.m.? No problem. The airport is a lawless place that is free from judgment.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine falling in love with me then finding out I’m a slow walker.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I’d be really slim if it wasn’t for birthdays, anniversaries, Easter, Christmas, Mother’s Day, weekends and me.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I can usually cope with the opinions of others because I don’t listen.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not being mean. I’m just too old to pretend to like you.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m just falling in love with my problems now. Maybe they’ll leave me too.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t care if it’s cliché, I will always enjoy a ‘small town but something messed up is happening’ story.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,386

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

You’re not lazy, you’re just buffering in HD.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

I’m old enough to remember when the hole in the ozone layer killed us all off.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

Don’t be alarmed at my semicolon usage; I’m a professional.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

All I think about is death and sex.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

I hate it when I turn on the car in the morning and the music starts blasting… It’s like, woah, I’m not the same person I was last night.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

My tween would like you to know I ruined his life when I told him to stop being super sus and cringe and be more lit yo.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Life hack: Confuse your doctor by putting on gloves at the same time he does.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Standing on a scale and thinking: so much wisdom and inner beauty can’t be light.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

I hate overhead lighting – trying to mimic the holy sun should be considered sinful. The lamp is much better, mimicking the hearths of our forebears.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

I think we all know who to blame for the generation of parents who put too many Ys in their kids’ names. Lynyrd Skynyrd.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

If you’ve seen one shopping centre, you’ve seen a mall.

Just shared via Threads:

Your reply guys are like Pooh Bear. They wear no pants and are relentlessly trying to get in your honeypot.

Just landed via Instagram:

Maybe women decided to convince men that beards were sexy because they were sick of cleaning the washbasin after he shaved.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I’ve been having a rough day for about 5 years now.

Seen just now on Messenger:

IKEA is the swedish word for “relationship meltdown in a public place.”

Live now on TikTok:

My outfit is from Gucci and the body from Ferrero.

Going bananas on Messenger:

I need you to think about me 23/7. You get 1 hour a day for yourself.

Going bananas on Discord:

Clearly I’m not doing Dry January unless you mean sense of humor.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Woke up, twerked in the mirror and laid back down.

Breaking via YouTube:

Unfair that the older I get, the clearer photo quality gets.

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