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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past 2 years.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

I don’t mind pulling your cart — I’ve been chasing the carrot anyway, and it’s in the same direction.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

Crying at my desk while also finding time to cry in the shower makes for a healthy work-life balance.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Dating over 40 is like Hide and Seek but no one is looking for you.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

I am at my Thanksgiving table observing personality disorders that have not been identified yet.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

That “never again” talk with yourself after a certain experience is always funny.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

My workout goals are simple: I’d just like to be able to get up off the floor without looking like a turtle trying to flip itself back over.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

I don’t flirt, I just say weird things and hope something sticks.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

I haven’t had sex in so long, I forgot how to moan, what if I mess up and bark?

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

Just got my steps in by avoiding someone I know.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

4,065

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

What beautiful weather outside. I’m gonna close the curtains.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

November moving quicker than two lesbians who met three days ago.

Making waves on Messenger:

I can understand why chickens wake up and scream.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

As per my last curse, I have no interest in this.

Spotted on Facebook:

You should introduce your upper lip to your bottom lip sometime and shut up.

Seen just now on Twitch:

People always ask me why there’s a chair in my shower. Who the hell eats breakfast standing up?

Just shared via Instagram:

There should be a socially acceptable way to say, “I’m not sure what to say to that. Can you please say something different?”.

Just landed via Twitch:

My super talent is hitting every red light on the way to wherever the hell I’m going.

Seen just now on Twitch:

My superpower? I can look you dead in the face while you’re talking and not hear a damn word you said.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

I’m too old to be jingling all the way, I’ll jingle til about five thirty.

I hate that moment when you are tired and sleepy but as soon as you go to bed your body is like “just kidding.”

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I hate that moment when you are tired and sleepy but as soon as you go to bed your body is like “just kidding.”
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic bedtime betrayal! It's like your body is playing a prank on you, saying 'Gotcha!' just when you thought you were finally going to get some rest. Maybe it's just practicing for its stand-up comedy routine – 'Sleep? Who needs it!' "

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on Snapchat this month:

I absolutely hate being woken from a nap. There were other treadmills in the gym that dude could have used.

53 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m pretty sure emojis were invented so introverts don’t have to say anything to anyone.

79 shares on YouTube this month:

I need someone to convince me into or out of buying a jetski. I can’t keep living in this purgatory.

33 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I sometimes have the desire to meet certain people again for the first time. Only to simply walk past them.

33 shares on Telegram this month:

Getting drunk was invented by Big Text to make you send more texts.

20 shares on Instagram this month:

My five-year plan is to just see what happens.

58 shares on Messenger this month:

The older I get, the more I understand why roosters just scream to start their day.

46 shares on WeChat this month:

Baby, no job is ever that serious for you to be a work snitch.

96 shares on Slack this month:

Feeling like Floyd in this May weather (illiterate and violent).

74 shares on Discord this month:

If you watch Home Alone backwards it’s a loving story about a kid that heals two men that were savagely beaten.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

The fewer friends at your birthday party means more cake for you. Follow me for more life hacks.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t think fish should be allowed to eat other fish. I don’t know. Just seems weird. That’s like your coworker, dude.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

My dream is to buy a horse and race it. The horse will probably beat me but it’ll still be fun.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I love being an adult and sitting absolutely still and suddenly I’ve hurt my neck somehow.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Sex is cool but have you ever had a king size bed all to yourself.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

My phone storage is full so I guess it’s time to delete the 27 second video I took of a spiderweb four years ago.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Pleasantly surprised to discover the treadmill I bought came with a remote control, so I can run it from my recliner.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

“You let your cat on the bed?” I would put her on my life insurance.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I always like to remember the time before the internet. It was so good not to know how cruel and stupid humanity really is.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel by now.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

4,028

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

All arguments are solvable. The trick? Get naked.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

For my birthday, I want everyone to delete whatever old version of me they have in their head— it expired.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

If she says “it’s fine,” you’re probably in trouble.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

You’re an atheist? Well, I don’t believe you. See how you like it.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

I could have done without braces back then. What’s the point of having perfect teeth if I have no reason to smile?

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

I can’t believe she picked her husband, her boyfriend and her other boyfriend over me.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

Everybody in the grocery store is my enemy, and I will not be elaborating.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

If I could go back in time, I’d probably stop Bruce Willis from saving us from that asteroid.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

The food hits different when it ain’t yours.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

Female rage is your handbag continuously slipping off your shoulder.

Shared recently on Slack:

I bought some old lady reading glasses as a lark, a laugh, and now my eyes don’t hurt. This isn’t what I wanted.

Trending via WeChat:

Accepting you’re about to throw up, gotta be the worst feeling on God’s green earth.

Spotted on Telegram:

If all men are the same, why does it take women so long to choose one?

Live now on YouTube:

I tried to embrace my flaws. They filed a restraining order.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Men invented arm wrestling so they could hold hands and look into each other’s eyes.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

It’s awkward touching hands with another man inside a popcorn bag, especially if you don’t know the man and he doesn’t know you’re eating his popcorn.

Going viral on Instagram:

Celebrities should not be allowed to name children.

Spotted on Pinterest:

No one warned me that being an adult was mostly just hurrying up to get somewhere you don’t want to go in the first place.

Making waves on Slack:

To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.

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