Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Offering food to someone and then regretting it is equivalent to bringing a knife to a food fight 🍴😆 Don't worry, next time just conveniently 'forget' to offer, problem solved! #FoodieDilemmas"

acceptance, awkwardness, food, hate, humor, i, offer, situation, social, social situation, someone

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25 shares on X this month:

Do married people watch Gen Z dating and feel like they caught the last chopper out of Nam?

29 shares on Threads this month:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just sitting on the couch googling if penguins have knees.

16 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Remember: when a band skips your city on tour, it is always personal and they always hate you specifically.

14 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Life would be so much easier if the nose of people who lie all the time did actually grow longer like Pinocchio’s.

55 shares on Reddit this month:

Got banned from the sauna at my gym for saying “steam me up, Scotty” a few too many times.

12 shares on Threads this month:

The devil is keeping him alive to avoid spending eternity with him in hell.

91 shares on Discord this month:

I could own a thousand summer dresses, and it still wouldn’t be enough.

14 shares on Twitch this month:

If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s being annoyed by stupidity.

60 shares on Snapchat this month:

It’s crazy how genuinely entertaining it is to stare into an open fire. That’s some real epigenetic memory shit.

62 shares on X this month:

Spent 20 minutes training ChatGPT to write the perfect anniversary note for my wife, so don’t try to tell me I’m not romantic.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Nobody’s more stubborn than an Android person that won’t switch to iPhone.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

I just paid my taxes. The roads should be fixed any day now.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Seen an ambulance at the hospital. I hope the doctors are okay.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Deleted old Tweets just in case I date a very famous woman with rabid fans.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

The belief that software engineers are uniquely intelligent has done unimaginable damage on society.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

If ads were a person, it would be that one neighbor who won’t stop talking to you at the most inconvenient of times.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

The best part of Thanksgiving is being with family and friends, and a vast array of pies.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

You could waterboard pretty much any embarrassing information out of me. I’m very waterboardable.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 40s… you can now use this as an excuse not to help a friend move.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

If you stare at your face in the back of a spoon you look a lot like someone who doesn’t know how to use cutlery.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via X:

I lost my appetite for doing work. If you find it, you can keep it.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Preparing for my beach vacation by watching Jaws.

Just shared via Slack:

Opened two gifts this morning, and they were my eyes.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Haven’t seen a single bikini photoshoot in the snow this year; the girls are tired.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I don’t understand the concept of “the man of your dreams”. Every time my wife wakes up after dreaming about me, she is really pissed off about something dream me did.

Going viral on WeChat:

Born to screenshot everything and never look at it again.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Have you ever wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders, give them a good shake and whisper “Nobody cares!”

Live now on Threads:

My skin is so dry it’s doing a PowerPoint presentation.

Trending via WhatsApp:

You ever go to a baseball game and hear a guy yelling, “hot dogs! hot dogs!” over and over again? That’s me, looking for hot dogs.

Freshly posted on X:

Ping me if your boobs glow in the dark.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I hate when I offer someone food and they accept it.

Y’all are single because y’all are looking for 90’s love in this sick generation.

If I win the lottery, no one around me will be broke, and I truly mean that. I will move to a wealthy neighborhood.

I’m the guy at Apple who makes sure all your featured photos are your exes and your dog that died.

Finding a person to make eye contact with during stupid meetings is essential to survival in the workplace.

Sometimes I struggle to adjust to civilian life after coming home from the movies.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I hate when I offer someone food and they accept it.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Y’all are single because y’all are looking for 90’s love in this sick generation.

Sorry, I can’t hang out tomorrow. I hung out with people a week ago and I’m still recovering from that.

If I win the lottery, no one around me will be broke, and I truly mean that. I will move to a wealthy neighborhood.

I’m the guy at Apple who makes sure all your featured photos are your exes and your dog that died.

Finding a person to make eye contact with during stupid meetings is essential to survival in the workplace.

Sometimes I struggle to adjust to civilian life after coming home from the movies.

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