I haven’t bought 1 Christmas gift but I got 3 packages on the way for me though.

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My recliner and I go way back.

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It’s funny how quickly you become difficult if you don’t always just say “yes”.

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Pretending you don’t notice people staring at you is a skill.

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Why is judge the only job where you can bang a little hammer to make people shut up? I’ve needed that in literally every job I’ve had.

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Quitting my job to focus on staying inside.

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The title of my autobiography is going to be ‘You’d Think I’d Learn By Now, But Nope.’

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Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.

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If the earth was flat, many people would have already jumped off it.

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The sexiest woman you know is trying to maintain her balance between insanity and genius.

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I woke up from a deep sleep in a panic thinking I was late for work. Thankfully, I was already there.