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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

When animals lead you to a place, it’s so cute… like, yes, I’m still following. Thank you for constantly turning around to make sure.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

Getting a nose ring, so I don’t lose my keys.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Ratatouille is hilarious because the villain wasn’t even evil; he just didn’t want food cooked by rats?!?

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Parents be like “don’t believe everything you see on the internet” then believe everything they see on Facebook.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

My wife has the worst taste in men.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Sorry for widening my eyes and whispering “The prophecy” when we first met.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

Being in a rich person’s house is so stressful. Like, why am I struggling to find the trash?

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Drive like no one is watching.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Having a blocked nose really makes you appreciate the finer things in life, like breathing normally.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

My mirror needs a screenshot button.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,400

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

When you thought something would be easy peasy lemon squeezy, but it’s actually been stressy, depressy, lemon zesty.

Just landed via X:

Eating healthy requires a second job.

Breaking via YouTube:

Food gives you energy to nap more.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I would be very interested to hear from someone who is ILLEGALLY blind.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Some people come into your life to remind you why you don’t wanna let anyone into your life.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Dating is the process of meeting someone until you find out what’s wrong with them.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Me and the fellas making welcome gift baskets for the aliens.

Making waves on Slack:

Wolves are just dogs that nobody has called a “good boy” yet.

Just shared via WeChat:

I get unreasonably happy when a YouTube video has subtitles that aren’t auto-generated.

Broadcasted on Discord:

They should invent a job that actually wants to hire you after you apply.

I know that we aren’t supposed to self diagnose but I’ve googled all of my symptoms and I’m fairly sure I’m a raccoon.

0
I know that we aren’t supposed to self diagnose but I’ve googled all of my symptoms and I’m fairly sure I’m a raccoon.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
🦝 "Looks like someone's been spending a bit too much time in the trash… or maybe just on the internet! It's all fun and games until you start getting the sudden urge to hoard shiny objects, right? Stay paw-sitive, my friend! 😉"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

75 shares on YouTube this month:

You can say “Have a nice day,” no problem, but saying “Enjoy the next 24 hours” sounds vaguely threatening.

80 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My recliner and I go way back.

50 shares on Snapchat this month:

Apparently it’s inappropriate to yell out “Shots, shots, shots, shots” while your child’s getting immunizations at the pediatrician’s office.

56 shares on Messenger this month:

I need new friends. The old ones know too much.

21 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You’re all using your crystals wrong. Put them in a sock and start swinging.

39 shares on Slack this month:

Brussels sprouts were invented by big cabbage to sell little cabbages.

19 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You stop moving your mouse for 5 seconds, and Microsoft Teams will say you never showed up for work.

59 shares on Discord this month:

Crashed my car reading a billboard that said, “Don’t text and drive.”

93 shares on Discord this month:

I never had a year with this much thinking. I’ve been thinking since the 1st.

64 shares on Facebook this month:

The only talent I have is spending more than I bring in.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Googling phone numbers you don’t recognize instead of actually answering the phone.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

When someone asks me why I’m in a wheelchair, I want to say something ridiculous like, “I’m not standing up until I’ve saved a million.”

24 folks are currently checking 👀

As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve come to the conclusion that my guardian angel is very possessive about me.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

If you meet me and I’m talking to myself, just keep walking. I’m self-employed and I’m in a meeting with senior management.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

For Halloween, I will be okay.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Last night’s dream could have been an email.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Some of you are out here driving like your turn signal’s free trial ended and you’re all out of blinks.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Apologies about the delay to your flight. We’re just waiting for one 3D printed part, but apparently a ‘fuselage’ takes a little time.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m willing to do anything for a job except write a cover letter.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,601

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

Out of all my body parts, I’m sure my eyes are in the best shape. I do at least 463 eye rolls a day.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

I wonder how many calories I can burn petting my cat.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

When I get the vibe from someone that fitting in is super important to them my first instinct is to bite them.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

I always like to remember the time before the internet. It was so good not to know how cruel and stupid humanity really is.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

“Huh” is 94% of my vocabulary.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

My issue with Jeopardy is that you never get the sense that the contestants are in any real danger.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

I saw God in a dream and all he did was brag about making Pedro Pascal.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

Instead of cleaning my house, I just watch episodes of hoarders on TV and then I think “Wow, my house looks awesome!”

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

“Lmao” has survived and even thrived over the years, but its cousin “rofl” has faded into indignity. The cruelty of fate.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

You know those couples who share their food? I mean, what kind of people are they? Aren’t they hungry?

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

Sorry about my behavior as of late. I have plastic in my brain.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Imagine if we had to worry about dinosaurs too, on top of everything else.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I don’t get how alcohol turns y’all evil. I just start giggling and get slutty.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Karma not moving fast enough for me. I would hate to handle it myself, Lord.

Breaking via Messenger:

I often wonder how men could discover entire continents. Mine can’t even find the butter in the fridge.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I’m not easily offended, but I am easily annoyed.

Freshly posted on Discord:

If you’re in first class on a flight, sometimes they upgrade you to captain.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

“Communism sounds good in theory, but doesn’t work in practice.” Capitalism doesn’t even sound good in theory.

Just shared via YouTube:

That gap between Christmas and New Year’s when you can’t tell what day of the week it is.

Breaking via TikTok:

When fireworks were invented, it was ‘hisssss’ to ‘wheeeee’ in the making.

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