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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Don’t wait until you’re on your death bed to let them know how you feel. You may be too weak to raise your middle finger.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

“What’s your blood type?” I don’t know, boiling!

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

Someone asked, “Can I bum a scroll?” because they deleted Instagram off their phone.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

If we get invaded by space aliens, I am immediately defecting to the alien side. Sorry.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

I wish I could turn everyone I love into a trinket, so I can keep them forever, because I am greedy and selfish.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

I’ll see you in court (at the marriage registry) (I love you)

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

I would like to be reincarnated as less tired.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

A little sign under the doorbell that says, “think twice, adventurer.”

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Who you are before you have your coffee is the real you.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

None of this matters and we are all going to die. Have a great weekend!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,290

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

My skin has so much oil, I’m surprised countries aren’t fighting over who controls it.

Making waves on Threads:

“You don’t load the dishwasher right,” I said to my wife just before it permanently became my job.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Once when I was exercising, I realized that I was allergic to it. I was out of breath, sweating and my heart was racing.

Trending via Messenger:

I might be annoying, but at least my lock screen isn’t a selfie.

Trending via WeChat:

Our parents used to drop us off at school with no water bottle, no phone and no snacks, yet somehow we survived.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

My superpower? Staying calm when talking to idiots.

Freshly posted on X:

When my cat gets in trouble I call him by his full name, Catthew.

Spotted on Reddit:

Sorry, can you repeat what you said? I didn’t have my glasses on.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Are you gonna confess your undying love for me or what, bro?

Just landed via YouTube:

God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”

I know that we aren’t supposed to self diagnose but I’ve googled all of my symptoms and I’m fairly sure I’m a raccoon.

0
I know that we aren’t supposed to self diagnose but I’ve googled all of my symptoms and I’m fairly sure I’m a raccoon.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
🦝 "Looks like someone's been spending a bit too much time in the trash… or maybe just on the internet! It's all fun and games until you start getting the sudden urge to hoard shiny objects, right? Stay paw-sitive, my friend! 😉"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

35 shares on Reddit this month:

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” is my favorite story about how everyone treats you like shit until they need something from you.

82 shares on Pinterest this month:

Saw a big spider crawl into my closet last night. He’s probably in there trying on all my clothes, acting like he’s me.

59 shares on Discord this month:

I love when the restaurant bathroom has different music playing than the restaurant. It’s like I’m going to Club Pee Pee.

33 shares on YouTube this month:

The concept of a courtroom sketch artist is so funny to me. Here’s our little murder doodler.

88 shares on YouTube this month:

Who you are when someone reaches over to take food from your plate… is the real you.

99 shares on X this month:

4 out 3 people struggle with math.

67 shares on Pinterest this month:

Stop asking me if I’m tired. Can’t I just be ugly?

81 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m not a very good poker player cause my eyes turn into big dollar signs when I see that I have a good hand.

62 shares on Discord this month:

Unfortunately, a great many problems in life can be solved by just being hotter.

80 shares on X this month:

Current state of politics: The circus is on fire but the monkey is fine.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Vatican City should be called Popenhagen.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

My swear jar is filing for an IPO soon.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your clothes are still in the washing machine.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

A haunted house but in every room someone is asking you to say a little something about yourself.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Tupperware is a fun way to store your leftovers until you throw them away.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Them: I haven’t seen you in a long time. Me: You’re welcome.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

The reward for doing really good work is more work.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting a girlfriend is actually very easy, you just have to spin a basketball on your finger.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

My fondest childhood memory is being able to sleep through the entire night and waking up rested.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

How quickly family vacations go from “Omg, we only have 4 days left” to “Omg, we still have 4 days left”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,452

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

Not to brag but I am evidence of things unseen.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Don’t tell me to trust my gut. Thats where I put my snacks. Clearly that’s where I’m the weakest.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

They said I can never go back to that Vietnamese spot. They banh mi pho life.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

That very depressing moment when you find out the fire alarm that went off at work was just a test.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

Police cars should play ice cream truck music when they’re pulling you over for something minor.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

Okay, this is getting ridiculous. It can’t just be the one guy. It’s gotta be a group of people pooping my son’s diaper.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

Obituaries should have clickbait titles.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

I’m not an early bird or a night owl, I’m some sort of permanently exhausted pigeon.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Clueless but committed – that’s my vibe.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Perhaps the best thing about getting older is that I no longer want to know everything.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Telegram:

On a dare, my son sprayed deodorant in his mouth. Now he speaks with an Axe scent.

Broadcasted on Threads:

But if I get tinted windows, how will people see me flipping them off?

Going viral on TikTok:

Having divorced parents as an adult is funny because you and your siblings are like, “Damn, who has custody of Mom today?”

Shared recently on Facebook:

I’m at the age where living in the woods and arguing with a raccoon sounds like a peaceful retirement plan.

Trending via Snapchat:

Who decided that skeletons are scary? Because honestly, I’d be more scared if the muscular system suddenly walked into my room.

Just shared via YouTube:

Whenever I feel like I hate my job, I remind myself that I could be a food taster for the emperor.

Trending via Threads:

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

Live now on Discord:

I bet the inventor of the cannon would be relieved to know that they’re mostly about t-shirts now.

Seen just now on Slack:

Let’s get married and have kids, so instead of relaxing during weeknights, we can go to seven practices and relearn algebra.

Going viral on TikTok:

When the executioner asks me what my final words are, I’m just going to start filibustering.

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