84 Funny sure quotes

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  1 week ago

  Share →: The great thing about having a mouse in your house is that I’m sure it’s just the one mouse, probably.

  Commentary:
  “Ah yes, the one-mouse conspiracy: they just change disguises whenever we blink! 🐭🕵️‍♂️🤣”

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  1 week ago

  Share →: Gentle parenting is making sure your kids can’t hear what you say when you’re peeling a mango.

  Commentary:
  “When the mango’s juicier than your gossip… 🤫🥭😂”

• 

  2 weeks ago

  Share →: Why is everyone against sugar? Who stood beside you when things went wrong and you were sad? It wasn’t lettuce, for sure.

  Commentary:
  “Exactly! Sugar’s the real MVP when your ‘lettuce’ down! 🧁🥳😂”

• 

  2 weeks ago

  Share →: If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

  Commentary:
  “When you’re late but bribery is baked into your plan 🍰🕒😅 #CroissantDiplomacy”

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  3 weeks ago

  Share →: Not sure who needs to hear this, but make your bloody bed.

  …

  Commentary:
  “Attention: The Bed Monsters Union has filed a grievance due to unsafe working conditions. 🛌🧹😂”

• 

  3 weeks ago

  Share →: Spending 5 minutes looking up every word I want to use in a sentence to make sure I can define it in case they ask.

  …

  Commentary:
  “Me: A walking dictionary, but with Wi-Fi! 😂📚🔍 #WordNinja”

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  4 weeks ago

  Share →: Before you try to save someone, make sure you’re not interrupting their karma.

  Commentary:
  “Make sure you’ve got your karma GPS on! 🚴‍♂️💫 #PlotTwistGuard”

• 

  4 weeks ago

  Share →: I wasn’t sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and shit myself.

  Commentary:
  “Well, that’s one way to make a mythical mess! 🐉💩😂”

• 

  4 weeks ago

  Share →: We live in a cosmic tornado, but sure, let’s all get jobs.

  Commentary:
  “Trying to hold down a job while the universe spins like a blender in the rinse cycle! 🌪️🍹 #CosmicJobFair”

• 

  4 weeks ago

  Share →: The lion does not concern himself with the few small drops of pee that got on his boxers at the urinal even after he did a few shakes to be sure.

  Commentary:
  🦁 “When you’re the king of the jungle, a little sprinkle is just extra seasoning! 👑💦”

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