I put the dance in “Good riddance!”

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They lie on the job descriptions, so lie on your resume.

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That awkward moment when everything is going so perfectly… and then you wake up.

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I don’t know who needs to hear this, but no one in the world is judging you as much as you’re judging yourself. People online: Hold my beer.

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Flossed the day before a dentist appointment like I was cramming for a history test.

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“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI get absolutely no work done and then throw their coworker under the bus as soon as their boss asks about it.

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These cannot be the same knees that used to get low in heels at the club.

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Imagine hating me and i’m just over here doing a much better job at hating myself than any of y’all could do.

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I’ve never met a problem I couldn’t make worse.

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I personally get offended when rain is referred to as “bad weather.”

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I don’t always cook dinner but when I do, I use every pan in the kitchen.