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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

If anyone needs me, I’ll be in a different realm.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

I don’t hate you, but I hope you run out of hot water before you’re finished your shower.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

How long do you actually have to wear a muscle shirt until you get muscles?

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Sometimes I read a text and think, “What a psycho.” And then I press send.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

Hi there, I very much look forward to letting you down.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

“My reading glasses would look good on your nightstand.” -Me, flirting.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

There’s a fat man inside me dying to get out.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

Romance level: At some point, someone comes by, sees me and thinks: “Oh well, my God, why not?”

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

Starting a new show sucks. Who are these people?

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

I’m not sure my body can handle much more of this “getting out of bed” nonsense.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,584

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

75% of being a divorce lawyer is just answering emails from clients saying, “No. No. No. You absolutely cannot do that, no.”

Live now on Telegram:

What’s a girl gotta do to feel a dopamine high around here?

Trending via Telegram:

You’re in his DMs, I’m outside his window with a JBL speaker streaming Taylor Swift.

Live now on Slack:

Oh, him? He’s my insignificant other.

Going viral on X:

You should be able to mute someone in real life. Annoying coworker? Silence them for 24 hours by booping them on the nose!

Making waves on Slack:

Unsolicited sandwich pics.

Live now on Slack:

I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.

Broadcasted on X:

My life advice is always the same. Wait for karma, but take up kickboxing, just in case.

Live now on Facebook:

That uncle who kept his distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense to you as you get older.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today, I need to be chased through the woods by a machete-wielding maniac.

I suppose someone has to do all the consuming and obeying.

4 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess I'm just doing my part to keep the universe's snack supply and bossing quota in balance! 🍕📈😅

commentary, consuming, humor, i, obeying, sarcasm, social, social commentary, someone

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Humanity doesn’t deserve a new year, look at the mess they made of the last one.

0

2 months ago

deserve, humanity, humor, last, last year, mess, new, new year, sarcasm, year
I don’t really like the song “I’ve Got a Feeling” by Black Eyed Peas, but I just like the part where they say “Mazel Tov.”

0

2 months ago

black, Black Eyed Peas, eyed, favorite, favorite part, feeling, got, humor, i, i’ve, I’ve Got a Feeling, just, lyric, mazel, Mazel Tov, music, music preference, peas, preference, sarcasm, say, song, tov, where
The best way to use Twitter will forever be as an observer.

0

2 months ago

behavior, best, forever, humor, media, observer, online, online behavior, social, social media, Twitter
If you can’t laugh at yourself, I will.

0

2 months ago

comedy, humor, i, joke, laugh, self-deprecation, wit, yourself
You should never forget where you came from. That’s probably where your keys are.

0

2 months ago

came, came from, context, forget, humor, keys, memory, never, should, where
Imagine hating me and I don’t notice.

0

2 months ago

hate, humor, i, imagine, irony, me, notice, oblivious, sarcasm

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

81 shares on X this month:

First caveman to see fire: Well, this is a buncha bullshit that no one needs (stomps it out) and I predict that’s the last I’ll ever see of that.

80 shares on Threads this month:

My worst fear is dating someone who loves their ex like my exes love me.

73 shares on Slack this month:

Have kids so you can live in a house full of people who can’t find anything.

58 shares on Slack this month:

I’m seriously considering adoption. Who wants me?

30 shares on Telegram this month:

I like online shopping and putting everything I want in a cart, then checking my subtotal and laughing and closing the tab.

11 shares on Threads this month:

Need a dimly lit cocktail date with a gaze so lustful it causes God to draft up another sin.

79 shares on Twitch this month:

Nobody ever talks about how Sodom and Gomorrah were walkable cities.

36 shares on Discord this month:

When you have the money, you can go a whole day without eating. But when you’re broke, the dizziness starts at 6 a.m.

17 shares on Messenger this month:

Please help my husband and I decide on dinner. We’ve narrowed it down to “It doesn’t matter” and “It’s your turn to choose”.

97 shares on TikTok this month:

Boys say that girls are dramatic, but have you ever plucked a man’s eyebrow? They act like they’ve been shot.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

I would like even faster food.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $2 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst birthday presents ever.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Intro to salsa class was weird, I starved myself all day, there was no chips or dips and then these weirdos were all grabby and dancing around.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

All I do is go to work, come home, blink and suddenly I’m back at work.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

It’s been so long since I had sex last, went jogging in flip flops just to remember the sound.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

I’ve never completed a marathon, but I’ve listened to my mom tell a story, so don’t talk to me about endurance.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

One day you’ll find someone who’s obsessed with you. It’ll probably be a demon but that’s what it is.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

Apparently, all my new nephew wants to do is eat and sleep, which means he’s already a lot like me.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

I treat people the way I want to be treated by not leaving the house.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

I can easily spot a wolf in sheep’s clothing but this guy was dressed like my grandmother which threw me off.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Parents saying “I know my child” will forever be the funniest joke.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

We went out on a boat to see whales and the crew encouraged us to clap and cheer for the whales and boo at the regular fish.

Trending via Telegram:

The History Channel, because where else are you going to learn about how aliens were instrumental in the development of humanity?

Just landed via Pinterest:

I miss being able to study with complete focus for hours. Now I read one sentence and check my phone to see if penguins have legs or just feet.

Going viral on Pinterest:

“What’s your music taste?” Don’t know, man. If it sounds good, I’m adding it to the playlist.

Just landed via Messenger:

The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.

Breaking via Threads:

If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

Breaking via YouTube:

If you’re feeling a little uneasy about the state of global geopolitics, remember to spend as much time on your phone as possible. The more information you ingest as you scroll, the calmer you will become.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I appreciate the interest, but I’m officially removing myself from the running to be the next James Bond. Thank you for your understanding.

Live now on Discord:

Having a blocked nose really makes you appreciate the finer things in life, like breathing normally.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I suppose someone has to do all the consuming and obeying.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Humanity doesn’t deserve a new year, look at the mess they made of the last one.

I don’t really like the song “I’ve Got a Feeling” by Black Eyed Peas, but I just like the part where they say “Mazel Tov.”

The best way to use Twitter will forever be as an observer.

If you can’t laugh at yourself, I will.

You should never forget where you came from. That’s probably where your keys are.

Imagine hating me and I don’t notice.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨