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New funny quotes: 7699 this month

15,818 funny quotes and pics

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Updated: May 24, 2026

 

 

 

 

61 Funny commentary quotes

Funny commentary quotes 😂 are the secret sauce to spice up your day! Whether you’re watching sports, movies, or just scrolling through your feed 📱, these witty gems add a splash of humor to life’s moments. They pack a punch of laughter 🤣 and cleverness, turning the mundane into memorable. Dive into a world where words dance with humor and bring endless chuckles to your conversations 💬. Get ready to giggle and share the joy! 🌟

Today’s politics make me think we’re living in a movie where the villains actually win.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I refuse to listen to anyone give commentary on the state of society unless it’s in a TikTok video filmed inside their car.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Gender is a just a scam made by big bathroom companies to sell more bathrooms.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

The evening news: Where they begin with “Good evening” and then proceed to tell you why it’s not.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Where do I sign up to be one of those influencers with 2M followers whose whole thing is just standing in front of other people’s content and nodding?

Posted onMay 22, 2026

The main cause of immigration is we’re still a country where people want to go, but we’re working on fixing that.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I bought a bag of M&M’s and they don’t have M’s anymore. They all have W’s, for woke.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Tonight I will make history, by turning off incognito mode.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Stereotypes are like mass graves. They’re both offensive ways to lump groups of people together.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Everyone talks about climate change, but no one has the courage to sacrifice a virgin to appease the gods.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

You can’t get a good night’s sleep anymore because of woke.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

This is the dumbest apocalypse ever.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

This could have been an email. Me, while attending a wedding ceremony.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

This is an awful time to be an educated person.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Welcome to Twitter, where people never let their lack of knowledge get in the way of expressing a strong opinion.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Still don’t understand how girls with no jobs be holding iPhones.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I hate to slut-shame, but a lot of you are not slutty enough.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

A collective orgasm would fix the world.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

You are closer to the street than you will ever be to any billionaire.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

So many people these days are too judgmental. I can tell just by looking at them.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

“Gen Z is having less sex.” It’s always sex, sex, sex with these people.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

They should send the Epstein list to everyone’s phones like that U2 album.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

“Normalize this, normalize that.” How about y’all feel shame for once?

Posted onMay 18, 2026

“There’s a reason religion tells you your reward is after death; it keeps you quiet while you’re being exploited alive.”

Posted onApr 2, 2026

I can’t wait for the “international law” crowd to discover that “human rights” aren’t real, either.

Posted onApr 1, 2026

People in 1999 were using the Internet as an escape from reality. People today are using reality as an escape from the Internet.

Posted onApr 1, 2026

I suppose someone has to do all the consuming and obeying.

Posted onApr 1, 2026

Libraries were a good start, but we need more places where people can’t talk.

Posted onApr 1, 2026

I feel like this holiday season, it’s important to remind people of the true meaning of Christmas: ghosts terrorizing rich people in the middle of the night until they agree to pay their employees more.

Posted onApr 1, 2026

Straight man stuns they/them by ordering in fluent woke.

Posted onApr 1, 2026

When I get married, I want my wedding video to be filmed like it’s an episode of The Office. I want camera zooms, eye contact, side commentary— all of it.

Posted onMar 31, 2026

We’ve been talking about eating the rich for so long, they got over-ripe.

Posted onMar 31, 2026

It would be nice to see basic human decency make a comeback.

Posted onMar 31, 2026

When they make a Hate Island, somebody link me.

Posted onMar 31, 2026

I think we should all try to spend more time online. It seems to be helping society.

Posted onMar 31, 2026

On the internet, you can be anything you want. It’s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

I’m planning to eat the rich, but can I sub out fries for a salad?

Posted onMar 30, 2026

People are too judgmental these days… I can tell just by looking at them.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

I think the key to happiness is having plenty of money and then telling all the poor people that money can’t buy happiness.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

If you want to experience hunger, go and live with a wealthy person or family.

Posted onMar 30, 2026

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