I tried a onesome before, but I started catching feelings.

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I bought a robot vacuum today. Named it “Dustbin Bieber”.

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If I ever experience an earthquake, my first thought will probably be it’s Godzilla.

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Let the example of my fluke success guide nearly all of you to crushing disappointment.

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I absolutely loooooove getting in the bed. The excitement of finally laying down? Unmatched.

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I don’t do exercise because one time I kneed myself in the face doing a burpee.

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The only thing I miss all day is my bed.

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How would someone cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? Do you just call them and say you can’t come?

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Sex so good, my left hand is making my right hand a sandwich.

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My main career goal at the moment is to find a big bag of money in the woods.

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You should get a pension for having to go to school for so many years.