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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

Someone asked me how much I normally spend on a bottle of wine. Answering “usually an hour” wasn’t the right answer. I know this now.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

I recently saw a documentary about dinosaurs. They simply ate everyone they didn’t like. I like that concept.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

I may look fine on the outside, but on the inside I’m hungry again.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

That awkward moment when you’ve said “What?” three times, so you just say “Oh, yeah..” even though you have no idea what they said.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

Being old is basically trying to figure out what part of the body the noise is coming from, and why.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Word on the street is that the fire in your heart is out.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

“You shouldn’t let your cat jump on the counter”, my cat could take out a loan in my name if he wanted to.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

4,031

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Discord:

You guys ever play a game for hours straight? You start hallucinating the sounds.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams, and Bruno Mars walk into a bar. They didn’t planet that way.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I got so lost there for a minute (several years).

Breaking via Twitch:

Sometimes I just want a man to talk to me in the same voice he uses to talk to his dog.

Spotted on Slack:

Welcome to your 40s, you now don’t understand a single word anyone under 25 is saying.

Seen just now on Discord:

Pinterest recipe so long that it’s now a limited series on Netflix.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Every room is a panic room if someone farts.

If she has Bukowski on her nightstand, she will devour you.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like a book club with a side of cannibalism! 📚😅🍴

book, Bukowski, devour, humor, literature, nightstand, relationship, woman

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Do you mind if I wear my black T-shirt covered in pet hair to your fine dining establishment?

3 months ago
black, black T-shirt, casual, casual wear, clothing, dining, fine, fine dining, hair, humor, i, mind, owner, pet, pet hair, pet owner, restaurant, t-shirt, wear
When people don’t drink coffee, it’s like, okay, but how do you solve the problem of being awake?

1 month ago
awake, being, caffeine, coffee, drink, everyday, everyday struggle, humor, humor quote, okay, people, problem, solve, struggle, wakefulness
When someone yells stop, I don’t know if it’s in the name of love, it’s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.

3 months ago
collaborate, confusion, hammer, Hammer time, humor, i, know, listen, love, lyric, name, should, someone, song, song lyric, stop, time
I lied. There’s no sex. Can you help me put this fitted sheet on my mattress?

1 month ago
bedroom, domestic, domestic task, fitted, fitted sheet, help, honesty, humor, i, lie, mattress, me, put, relationship, sex, sheet, task
To the tune of ‘Everybody Dance Now’: Himalayan Sea Salt

1 month ago
dance, food, fun, Himalayan, humor, parody, salt, sea, sea salt, song, tune
Can’t threaten me with screenshots. I’ll get a microphone and say it again.

4 months ago
again, communication, humor, me, microphone, say, screenshot, screenshots, threat, threaten

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

It’s really hard to come back after a poorly executed high five.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

I’ve been ghosted enough to add paranormal investigator to my resume.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

Sorry if I seem sad, I got a new long-sleeve shirt for fall, but I haven’t been able to wear it yet because it’s 94°.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

Nothing betrays your age more than the slang you refuse to let go of.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

Ruin a perfectly nice trip out with your child by bringing your child.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

This is not an empty room, this is a very successful anti-party.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Aside from cocaine, has anyone figured out what that little pocket on your jeans is for?

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

Welcome to your 50s, there’s a wrong way to stretch now.

Spotted on X:

When the exam is so hard that you look out the window to appreciate nature.

Seen just now on X:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here hating myself more.

Live now on WeChat:

Everyone is celebrating my vegan Bolognese sauce. The secret ingredient is minced meat.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Eating rice with my hands, but not in a political way. In a lazy, fat guy way.

Making waves on Pinterest:

The best part of my kid graduating was unsubscribing from the school’s text messages.

Going viral on Instagram:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the holiday traffic I said I’d avoid even though I did nothing to avoid it.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If she has Bukowski on her nightstand, she will devour you.

Do you mind if I wear my black T-shirt covered in pet hair to your fine dining establishment?

When people don’t drink coffee, it’s like, okay, but how do you solve the problem of being awake?

When someone yells stop, I don’t know if it’s in the name of love, it’s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.

I lied. There’s no sex. Can you help me put this fitted sheet on my mattress?

To the tune of ‘Everybody Dance Now’: Himalayan Sea Salt

Can’t threaten me with screenshots. I’ll get a microphone and say it again.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Your honor, my client doesn’t like jail.

If I’m ever in a coma, please pluck my chin hairs.

I may have bags under my eyes, but they’re Versace.

My mind is like someone dumped the entire junk drawer on a trampoline.

I never sit around waiting for anyone except for the pizza delivery guy.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

As a woman, you need to forgive yourself for men you entertained when you had low self-esteem.

Deja poo is when you feel like you’ve heard the same shit before.

Still hard to believe that access to infinite information made us dumber.

Waking up early is always beneficial. You just gotta make it past those first 10 minutes of being irritated.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Accidentally punched myself in the face as I was getting dressed this morning, and I have to say, I deserved it.

I’m a comedian. My pronouns are ha/ha.

Tupperware is filing for bankruptcy. They would have kept a lid on the news but they couldn’t find one.

Roses are red, tacos are delicious. I use paper plates, ’cause I hate doing dishes.

“Don’t shoot your gun at the hurricane” the government says. I’ll do my own research, thanks.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

My retirement plan is time travel to the 80s.

Gravity, at all times, is trying to pull your pants down.

They’re releasing another “Jurassic” movie. Let me guess: The dinosaurs get loose.

You know you’re a bad cook when the dog won’t lick the plate.

I’ve been dieting for a little over a week and I already gained three pounds.

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If she has Bukowski on her nightstand, she will devour you.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Do you mind if I wear my black T-shirt covered in pet hair to your fine dining establishment?

When people don’t drink coffee, it’s like, okay, but how do you solve the problem of being awake?

When someone yells stop, I don’t know if it’s in the name of love, it’s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.

I lied. There’s no sex. Can you help me put this fitted sheet on my mattress?

To the tune of ‘Everybody Dance Now’: Himalayan Sea Salt

Can’t threaten me with screenshots. I’ll get a microphone and say it again.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

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