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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Every time I buy vegetables it’s a triumph of hope over experience.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

Imagine earning a science degree then having to be a meteorologist who announces the prophecy of a groundhog.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

Just because the deodorant says 48 hrs, it does not mean you have to challenge it.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

You know you’re getting old when you and the grocery store have the same playlist.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Growing your own tomatoes really is the best way to devote 3 months of your life to saving $2.17.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

My dogs have learned that whenever they hear the f-word in the kitchen, there’s now food on the floor.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Can’t wait to get past this phase of my life. I need to see what all of this was for.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

Filling my PEZ dispenser with Ibuprofen for whimsical pain relief.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

This Thanksgiving, don’t ask me questions about my life, just pass the mashed potatoes.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

Never faked an orgasm before, but the joy of ugly presents.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Jan 7, 2026

3,480

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

I saved a ton of money on a security system by stealing my neighbor’s.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Y’all ever postpone an outfit? Like, nah, let me save this for a better day? Same.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I’m really looking forward to another exciting year staring at my phone.

Breaking via Threads:

Still don’t understand how girls with no jobs be holding iPhones.

Trending via YouTube:

My ex was like “I know a spot,” then took me to the lowest point in my life.

Making waves on TikTok:

If you need me, I’ll be in the shower pretending I can sing.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Do not EVER text while driving. Please use the giant iPad attached to your dashboard.

Trending via WeChat:

You know who else works in mysterious ways? Me.

Just landed via Telegram:

This post is invisible, and only heathens can see it.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Wolves should really raise more people.

Imagine how bored the person who invented mayonnaise must have been.

5 months ago

0

Imagine how bored the person who invented mayonnaise must have been.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess that person really needed a saucy hobby! 🥚😆🥄

bored, boredom, creativity, food, humor, imagine, invention, mayonnaise, person

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

God, I’m not trying to rush you for my soulmate; but could I get the tracking number?

0

2 months ago

dating, God, humor, love, patience, relationship, soulmate, tracking, wish
I will die on this hill or any hill really. I have no hill preference.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, commitment, determination, die, hill, humor, i, loyalty, preference
If your first child is uncomplicated, then it’s a trick of nature to get you to have a second child. The second will be an unpredictable bundle of energy that seems to get by without sleep.

0

2 months ago

child, energy, first child, humor, nature, parenting, second, second child, sleep, trick, unpredictability
I do not care how bad the relationship is, I am NOT calling a radio station for advice.

0

5 months ago

advice, am, bad, call, calling, care, communication, humor, i, radio, radio station, relationship, station
I’m tired of things costing money.

0

2 months ago

cost, expense, financial, humor, money, sarcasm, things, tired
“She’s so self-centered”—who’s supposed to be the center of my life? You?

0

2 months ago

center, humor, life, personality, relationship, sarcasm, self-centered

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

16 shares on Telegram this month:

Sorry for the things I said when the internet was down for 10 minutes.

24 shares on Slack this month:

The easiest diet is lack of money. You don’t have to do anything.

64 shares on YouTube this month:

My problem is, I wanna be the only one at the gym when I go.

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My favorite pirate song is “Aye of the Tiger”

38 shares on Messenger this month:

Women are like apples; I like biting them.

80 shares on Messenger this month:

Welcome to your 40’s: you’re not hungover, it’s just Tuesday.

67 shares on Instagram this month:

I made all my money in the 80s selling Rubik’s Hammers. They were for those cubes that thought they were smarter than you.

32 shares on Facebook this month:

She asked to see where the magic happens, so I showed her my sandwich maker.

14 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I wish I was a cat, because the fatter you are, the more people like you.

51 shares on Telegram this month:

Most of my shoulder workout comes from shrugging when people ask me questions.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Guys, please stop wearing NASA shirts, I bet you can’t even name one of their songs.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve been on Facebook for so long, I remember when it all used to be farmland.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Moms be like, “I needed this,” and it’s really just a break from being the one who holds it all together every single day.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

You truly don’t realize how young 20 is until you’re not 20 anymore.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Big fan of taking a huge bite and then nodding while I chew. You make an excellent point, food.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Just imagine how great life would be if pizza made you skinny.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

In your 20s, you will be tempted to prove that you’re doing well. It’s important you resist performing for an audience that isn’t watching.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

People have ex girlfriends, I have ex crushes.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Yeah, Instagram is bad for our mental health, but what about Outlook?

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Unpopular opinion: we really grew up in the best era to be a kid, and the worst era to be an adult.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,322

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

Fun fact: Did you know that removing junk food from your diet can help you lose up to 90% of your will to live?

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

White elephant: Nothing brings people together like fighting over absolute garbage.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

Standing on a scale and thinking: so much wisdom and inner beauty can’t be light.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

That song stuck in my head is “Don’t Speak”; I have no doubt in my mind.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Having an exorcism, but only because the demon requested it.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

If the number 666 is considered evil, then technically, 25.8069758 is the root of all evil.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

How dare you say I’m crazy on the eve of my cat’s wedding?

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

“I’m not dramatic. I just react with the intensity of a Shakespearean widow at all times.”

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

The sweet spot is just enough pain to know you’re alive, but not quite enough to wish you were dead.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

Why are “hemorrhoids” not called “assteroids”?

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on TikTok:

I come from a long line of people with something wrong with them.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

When your parents are on a call and they ask for a pen, man, that pressure is real.

Breaking via TikTok:

When I finally snap it’ll be because I had to type my email address in on the TV.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

I might be late to a lot of places, but the airport is not one of them.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

This is the dumbest apocalypse ever.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

Shared recently on X:

Many fruits can be great names… but the real challenge is naming a child after a vegetable….

Making waves on Twitch:

When younger I would walk up to the counter and the bartender would know me by name. Now it’s my pharmacist.

Making waves on Slack:

Keep posting, I’m diagnosing you.

Making waves on Telegram:

I changed my password to ‘incorrect’ so whenever I forget it, the computer tells me it’s incorrect, and I’m like, ‘Wow, you didn’t have to be so rude about it.’

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