Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

I get so crabby when strangers waste my time which is unfair to them because I waste almost all of my own time to begin with.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

Went for a walk. Very pleasant evening. The squirrels and rabbits kept running away from me. That stung a little. I will remember their faces.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

Pressure washing is like regular washing but with a lot of yelling and tight deadlines.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Tequila won’t fix your life, but it’s worth a shot.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

Dollar Tree needs to just go ahead and rename it to A Couple Dollars.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

Sharpening pencils at the bin was the biggest link-up.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

Hundreds, nay, thousands of movies about falling in love but only one movie about a beach that makes you old.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Sorry if my posts have any typos, it’s because I’m driving.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

“I’ve tasted going back to an ex, and I’ve tasted trying to fix a relationship before it breaks. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 10 p.m.”

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

It’s crazy that you don’t really argue with a baby for the first year of its life and then you have to argue with the baby every day.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,551

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I love cute tiny purses, but I’m sad to say I can never be a cute tiny purse girl. I need to haul my hoard of objects everywhere I go, because what if….

Just shared via Slack:

Just once I’d like to buy a house plant that didn’t have the lifespan of a soap bubble.

Making waves on X:

If adulting had a return policy, I’d use it immediately.

Going viral on Slack:

I hate this time of year because all you guys care about is football, and no one wants to ogle my cleavage anymore.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I would like to opt out of WW3, por favor.

Making waves on WeChat:

My best friend is married and buying a house. I ate popcorn for dinner.

Going viral on WeChat:

You don’t have to check your Spotify Wrapped, you are the most played this year.

Going viral on Instagram:

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m never sending you nudes again.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re doing cardio.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

My bank account may not be full but my sink, laundry basket and arteries sure are.

Imagine how bored the person who invented mayonnaise must have been.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess that person really needed a saucy hobby! 🥚😆🥄

bored, boredom, creativity, food, humor, imagine, invention, mayonnaise, person

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The worst thing about wearing headphones is when you hallucinate people shouting you. Like, why does this happen?

0

2 months ago

experience, hallucination, headphones, humor, isolation, music, people, perception, shouting, thing, why, worst
If at first you don’t succeed, it’s only attempted murder.

0

2 months ago

attempt, failure, humor, irony, joke, murder, only, success
Heelys don’t have brakes because my swag rides forever.

0

2 months ago

confidence, forever, fun, Heelys, humor, ride, skate, swag
Adulting has stunned me into silence. I have no thoughts, no remarks and no commentary at the moment.

0

2 months ago

adult, adult life, adulting, commentary, exhaustion, humor, humor quote, i, life, me, moment, no commentary, no remarks, no thoughts, overwhelmed, remarks, silence, thoughts
The great thing about having a mouse in your house is that I’m sure it’s just the one mouse, probably.

0

2 months ago

animals, great, having, house, humor, joke, just, mouse, single, sure, suspicion, thing
Carefully choosing which wine to pair with a McRib.

0

2 months ago

carefully, casual, casual dining, choice, dining, fast, fast food, food, food humor, food joke, humor, joke, McRib, pairing, quirky, quirky choice, wine, wine pairing

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on WeChat this month:

Me, as a therapist: “OMG, me too!”

67 shares on Snapchat this month:

Aliens will always remain unidentified because they’re embarrassed to be associated with us humans.

39 shares on Instagram this month:

Family Guy is so insane because, why were people dating that dog?

80 shares on TikTok this month:

If you’re a man and don’t feel well or are going through something tough, just remember no one cares.

49 shares on TikTok this month:

Good things happen when you smile or when you’re naked.

72 shares on TikTok this month:

Please don’t ask me what my hobbies are, I lost interest in life back in 6th grade.

89 shares on Reddit this month:

When you tickle a man to death by accident, it is manslaughter.

82 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m sorry, but I already have an A.I. boyfriend.

68 shares on Discord this month:

Remind the demons under your bed that you’re the landlord, raise the rent.

30 shares on Instagram this month:

The only thing I miss from my past is that flat stomach I had.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

I think the Monday after Sunday should always be a day off.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

I have never read a Hacker News thread where any of the commenters seemed as if their life contained joy.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

I’ve decided to give people an attitude instead of gifts this year.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

My husband has reached an age where he reads the menu out loud. The whole menu. And then he has questions. Please send help.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Hell hath no fury like a toddler getting his nose wiped.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

Oh, to live in simpler times, when there was nothing to do but sit by the seashore and contemplate the miracle of existence.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Not opening up anymore, have fun trying to figure me out.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

I highly recommend getting yourself a “How can I help” partner and not a “You will be fine” partner.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

You okay, babe? You’ve hardly touched the promises you made me.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

Couples who finish each other’s sentences have killed before and will kill again.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

The only warning I take seriously these days is when my cell phone battery is low.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Are you stupid, sand? You could just lay here forever on this beautiful beach, but no, you have to try with all you’ve got, to get into my shoes.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I rode around the block on my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.

Shared recently on Telegram:

A car window made specifically for a dog to stick its head out of is called a sunwoof.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Shoutout to the friends that still like me. All two of you.

Breaking via Twitch:

Dear Math, I don’t want to solve your problem, I have my own problems to solve.

Just landed via Telegram:

Pretty sure I need to go back to bed and sleep for 3 days.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Living your life to the fullest does not have to involve selfies with bison.

Trending via WeChat:

I forgot to sweep up some crumbs earlier, and I just heard an ant moaning in pleasure as he discovered the bounty.

Freshly posted on Threads:

No, no, I’m listening, it just takes me some time to process so much stupidity all at once.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Imagine how bored the person who invented mayonnaise must have been.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

The worst thing about wearing headphones is when you hallucinate people shouting you. Like, why does this happen?

If at first you don’t succeed, it’s only attempted murder.

Heelys don’t have brakes because my swag rides forever.

Adulting has stunned me into silence. I have no thoughts, no remarks and no commentary at the moment.

The great thing about having a mouse in your house is that I’m sure it’s just the one mouse, probably.

Carefully choosing which wine to pair with a McRib.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨