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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡² has viewed:

To quote Hamlet Act III, Scene III, Line 92 “No.”

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡¦ has downloaded:

Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Ή has viewed:

Italy stands for I Truly Always Love You.

Someone from πŸ‡ΏπŸ‡² has bookmarked:

I will never be the person this serving size suggestion wants me to be.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡ͺ has bookmarked:

Boyfriends sound cool and all, but unfortunately, I enjoy not talking for days at a time.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡¨ has downloaded:

Not gonna lie, to this day, I don’t know the difference between gray and grey, I just wing it.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡· has viewed:

Floating on a rock in space, but yeah – 9 to 5 sounds reasonable.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡­ has viewed:

Life would be so much simpler if you could just smack the stupid out of people instead having to reason with them.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡¬ has shared:

Unfollowers, take me with you!

Someone from πŸ‡ΏπŸ‡Ό has viewed:

Interviewer: So why do you want this job? Me: I don’t. I just need money.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,336

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Just shared via Facebook:

Nobody talks about the privilege of having a friend who shows interest in your hyperfixations.

Going bananas on Slack:

To think that billions in venture capital have been deployed because it was annoying to copy and paste from ChatGPT.

Going viral on Instagram:

Al guys are like, “We can’t use it to cure cancer, but we can suck all the joy and purpose out of life so that dying isn’t sad.”

Just shared via Discord:

Spotify Wrapped: February was your basketball watermelon loudspeaker phone call hip hop moment.

Shared recently on Telegram:

During arguments with idiots, I wish I could throw a flash bang and disappear.

Making waves on Discord:

I’m not a good fit for the traditional job market because my greatest strengths are challenging authority, being self-righteous, and wanting to go home.

Freshly posted on X:

My neighbor is having some kind of party and didn’t invite me. I guess I have to call the cops again.

Seen just now on Facebook:

The pizza delivery guys say β€œsee you tomorrow” to everyone, right?

Breaking via Twitch:

Instead of hairstyles and make-up, there should be YouTube tutorials on polite behavior.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I don’t understand people who don’t have kids. Imagine having absolutely nobody to blame when you’re late.

It’s difficult to play hard to get when I’m already hard to want.

Witty quote humorously admitting to being hard to desire, playful and cheeky in tone.
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Commentary:
"Keep calm and play hard to get… Wait, that didn't work – I'm already hard to want! πŸ€·β€β™‚οΈ Maybe I should try playing easy to get instead? 🀣 #DatingDilemmas"

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Keep the laugh going πŸ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

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Social Media Stars ⭐

71 shares on X this month:

There’s an epidemic of people just staring at their phones in their parked cars.

16 shares on YouTube this month:

I’ve arrived like the sun: blinding, necessary, and impossible to ignore.

50 shares on Discord this month:

Instead of hairstyles and make-up, there should be YouTube tutorials on polite behavior.

61 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t like who I become when I’m watching someone Google something less efficiently than I would myself.

47 shares on Twitch this month:

Really hate when I’m watching a movie, and I can see that they are acting.

61 shares on Telegram this month:

I enjoy long, romantic walks … to the departure gate.

70 shares on Twitch this month:

My real introduction to classical music came from watching Tom & Jerry cartoons as a kid. Also how I got into sadism.

64 shares on Pinterest this month:

Brave of you to assume you can resist my good looks.

44 shares on Pinterest this month:

Hey man, your fly is down. Let me get that for you.

88 shares on TikTok this month:

I just sneezed next to my computer and the anti-virus popped up.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

12 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If you think you’re going to be in a dangerous situation, dress accordingly. Don’t wear flip-flops to a bank robbery, for example.

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

The prettier you are, the weirder it gets.

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If you catch me smiling at you, chances are I am plotting my revenge.

10 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Only after moving in together do you realize your girlfriend’s little quirks. Mine, for example, stores vegetables in the beer compartment.

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Facebook should just go back to being Hot or Not dot com.

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

The secret to a clean home? Never let your husband or children in.

22 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I love traveling because I love to check if I have my passport every 3-4 minutes.

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend.

15 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

As a parent you get to see just how much a baby accomplishes in its first year of life. Because you’re awake for all of it.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,629

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡¦ has bookmarked:

Graduation advice: Stay cool. Don’t be a fool. Avoid being a tool.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡± has viewed:

I’m starting to think the voice in my head doesn’t like me very much.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ύ has viewed:

Resting bitch face saves me from so many conversations I don’t want to be part of.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡­ has downloaded:

Need a permanent vacuum for unwanted thoughts.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡΄ has bookmarked:

Imagine the sound a centipede would make if they wore tiny flip flops.

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡³ has copied:

I like my messages, how I like my nuts – MIXED.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡Ό has bookmarked:

Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡» has viewed:

What pushes you to watch 19 seasons of people in a hospital?

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡» has downloaded:

I need a job where I don’t actually have to work.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Ί has downloaded:

I just paid my taxes. The roads should be fixed any day now.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Spotted on LinkedIn:

What’s wrong, babe? You hardly touched your own advice you give to others.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Handing over my ID at the post office. The clerk said, “You’ve aged quite a bit since this photo was taken.” I said, “Yes, I had it taken just before I joined this queue.”

Going viral on Facebook:

The part where the music beat is going from your left ear to the right at different intervals.

Making waves on Discord:

Does everyone’s inner monologue have a laugh track?

Breaking via Pinterest:

Twitter is the most fun you can have on the toilet.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

It’s always “your monthly bill is available,” never “this month is on us.”

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I do not care how bad the relationship is, I am NOT calling a radio station for advice.

Just landed via Messenger:

It’s almost bed time, so I’ll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick.

Just landed via Slack:

Not now, I’m befriending a crow and teaching it how to deliver handwritten love notes.

Making waves on Threads:

I really thought adulthood would be 50% freedom and 50% fun. Turns out it’s 100% bills.

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