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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

You know Santa isn’t real because no man over 40 is out past 9PM.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

What is the morning wood equivalent for women, and why do I always have it?

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

Those eyes ain’t gonna roll itself, let me help you.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat. It’s watching what other people eat.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

Women will brag about their intuition, and then date a DJ.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

What happened to the art of just liking one person?

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

Police cars should play ice cream truck music when they’re pulling you over for something minor.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Have you ever met the human version of a headache?

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

I got 3 miles in before breakfast. That’s enough driving for the day.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

A man’s home is his castle, but his garage is his sanctuary.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,525

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Discord:

I love Queen and David Bowie, but why did they steal that riff from Vanilla Ice?

Just landed via Snapchat:

Dear brain, please stop thinking so much exactly when it’s time to fall asleep.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

My body is in shock this morning from having to wake up early and wear hard pants.

Going viral on Messenger:

I’ve touched enough cacti to know they are sharp, but also not enough to stop touching cacti.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Never share a secret with a clock. Because time will tell.

Spotted on Instagram:

If you think I’m evil, wait until you meet the man who made me this way.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Texting my boss from the job I got laid off from 5 months ago and telling him I have diarrhea.

Spotted on Discord:

Andrew Tate is what you’d get if Axe body spray gained consciousness.

Just landed via Reddit:

It’s been so long since I had sex last, went jogging in flip flops just to remember the sound.

Going viral on WeChat:

I kind of can’t wait for my generation to be bumping 90’s hip hop, rap, and heavy metal at the old folks’ homes.

It’s like ten thousand tweets when all you need is a life.

2 months ago

0

It’s like ten thousand tweets when all you need is a life.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Twitter seems to have a way of making us forget what's really important in life. 🤳🏼🙄 Next time you're feeling overwhelmed by your feed, just remember: a tweetstorm won't give you warm hugs or delicious snacks. Go out and live your best life instead! 🌟🌈 #OfflineIsTheNewBlack"

distraction, life, media, need, overwhelm, perspective, social, social media, tweet

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Welcome to Twitter, where everyone is an expert on everything.

0

2 months ago

everyone, everything, expert, humor, irony, media, online, opinion, sarcasm, social, social media, Twitter, welcome, where
Fitbits are just Tamagotchis, except the stupid animal you’re trying to keep alive is you.

0

2 months ago

activity, alive, animal, except, FitBit, fitness, fun, fun activity, humor, just, keep, motivation, self-care, stupid, Tamagotchi, technology, trying
Love to go to hipster restaurants and eat half a grilled cheese off an old license plate.

0

2 months ago

activity, cheese, dining, eat, experience, food, food experience, fun, fun activity, grilled, grilled cheese, half, hipster, hipster restaurant, humor, license, love, old, old license plate, plate, quirky, quirky dining, restaurant
My favorite hobby is withering away.

0

2 months ago

amusing, away, favorite, hobby, humor, humor quote, irony, leisure, sarcasm, self-deprecation, wit
Rent really don’t make no sense. Like, why is my apartment getting a raise every year? Who is doing the performance review?

0

2 months ago

apartment, confusion, costs, doing, every, expense, getting, humor, living, living costs, performance, performance review, raise, rent, review, sense, year
I’m so toxic, I can fight for a relationship I don’t even want.

0

2 months ago

commitment, fight, humor, irony, relationship, sarcasm, self-awareness, toxic, want

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

52 shares on TikTok this month:

Ripped a tag off my leggings and did not realize it was load-bearing.

28 shares on Discord this month:

Little kid on the plane to Boston says “do they speak English there?” and his mom says “kinda!”

87 shares on Telegram this month:

“Well, at least things can’t get any worse” has turned out to be a failure of my imagination.

12 shares on TikTok this month:

If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

64 shares on Messenger this month:

Sorry I was late, I was disassociating in the shower.

21 shares on Snapchat this month:

Text a co-worker at a random time “are you joining this meeting?” as a fun holiday prank.

88 shares on Telegram this month:

I wonder if people that fall asleep right away know that we hate them.

47 shares on Snapchat this month:

Facebook friends are like pens. You may have 150, but only 5 are writing.

86 shares on WeChat this month:

Babies sighing is so funny to me. My dear, the time to sigh has not come.

84 shares on YouTube this month:

Relationship status: I love my bed.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

The way time stretches between the moment you put your hands under the air dryer and the realization it is in fact a paper towel dispenser.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

At the dispensary asking which strain will stop the yearning.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

My daughter’s morning alarm is less to wake her up, and more to warn the rest of us.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

When I’m in a good mood, I go to my blocked list and release one or two prisoners.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

What I’m trying to say is, “Hello, here’s my entire heart and all of my devotion.”

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Some of us better hope Santa doesn’t check social media, because if he does, all we’re getting for Christmas is therapy.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I am thick and tired.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

In a job interview, you can always respond to an awkward question with a deep gaze and parted lips, followed by “You complete me.”

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Dear Aliens, Now would be a good time. Thanks!

6 folks are currently checking 👀

If you have children, you can experience all human emotions before 9 a.m. on Sundays.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,281

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

In your 20s, you will be tempted to prove that you’re doing well. It’s important you resist performing for an audience that isn’t watching.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

Not trying to brag but I just beat the high score on this blood pressure machine.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

I brake for no one, except squirrels.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

I miss the good ol’ days until I remember things like having to get out of my chair and smack the TV to get a clearer picture.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

Not sure why I drink anymore. I get the same effect from standing up too fast.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

When people tell me “you’re going to regret that in the morning”, I sleep until noon because I am a problem solver.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

If you’re ever intimidated by someone just imagine them opening a Capri Sun.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

Get married and have kids so that you can Google things like “How to teach your kid to not bite”.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Coffee tastes so much better handed to me.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

I signed up to the gym a few months ago and still don’t see any results. I’ll go by there this weekend and ask what’s going on.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WhatsApp:

In general, I like company, but not when I am with my pizza.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Blackout curtains because I’ll decide what time it is.

Just shared via Threads:

Before the internet, people thought that there was only one idiot per town. We were so wrong.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

There’s no filter on my pics or my thoughts. I’m just out here raw-dogging it.

Shared recently on YouTube:

No one is shocked when a defibrillator doesn’t work.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Imagine hating me, and I’m over here with one hand in my pocket, and the other one giving a high five.

Breaking via Facebook:

Walking into someone’s house with healthy, thriving houseplants everywhere: “Oh, I see you dabble in witchcraft!”

Just landed via Snapchat:

Politics top tip: Gain people’s trust by telling them that everyone is lying to them.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I don’t understand why it isn’t socially acceptable to choose to be nocturnal. The angry hot sky ball is gone, my internet is fast, everyone finally shut up, what’s not to like.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Wine drunk doesn’t even make itself known. You’re just relaxed, and then, all of a sudden, you feel sexier.

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