542 funny social media quotes - Wordgag

I be outside telling people I don’t got social media when they ask.

May 30, 2026

Born to screenshot everything and never look at it again.

May 30, 2026

The greatest trick ever was making people feel more connected, when they are actually more alone than ever.

May 30, 2026

Shit posting is cheaper than therapy.

May 30, 2026

Social media can teach you a lot of lessons. Grammar is not one of them.

May 30, 2026

I poked your tweet with a stick, hoping it would do something.

May 30, 2026

If it doesn’t get a like in the first two years, I delete it.

May 30, 2026

Checking Twitter now is like staring into your refrigerator to see if anything good has magically appeared.

May 30, 2026

Life is short. Tell people you love them, so they block you sooner.

May 30, 2026

Not to brag, but I don’t fight with people on the internet.

May 30, 2026

Welcome to Twitter, some random, judgmental stranger will be along shortly to complain about your tweets.

May 30, 2026

Your posts make me wish I could forget how to read.

May 30, 2026

I respectfully ignore DMs because I promise you, I am not your soulmate.

May 30, 2026

The first thing you need to know about social media is that everyone’s on vacation, except for you.

May 30, 2026

This post is invisible, and only those going to Hell can see it.

May 30, 2026

Sometimes I wanna delete all my social media and throw my phone into a river.

May 30, 2026

I can’t wait to open my phone tomorrow and find out what we’re mad about next.

May 30, 2026

Twitter account so good even HR wants to see it.

May 30, 2026

I think social media is marvellous. You type your thoughts into it, and then insane people let you know if they like them or not.

May 30, 2026

Tweeting with no audience feels like screaming jokes into a cornfield.

May 30, 2026

Hate when I view someone’s story, and it’s their birthday.

May 30, 2026

Porn is free, so why are you in my DMs?

May 30, 2026

An easy way to check if you’re attractive: send a “Hey” DM and see if they reply.

May 30, 2026

It’s important to post stupid stuff so you can learn who likes you.

May 30, 2026

If you are influenced by influencers, you’re beyond retarded.

May 30, 2026

Revenge? No. I just post hot selfies and let the algorithm do God’s work.

May 30, 2026

I love posting my thoughts on the internet. Now they’re your problem.

May 30, 2026

People who get 0-5 likes at max and still tweet all the time… What’s your secret?

May 30, 2026

Each day on Twitter, there is one main character. The goal is to never be it.

May 30, 2026

Blocking him isn’t enough. I need to watch his hairline recede.

May 30, 2026

Jane Austen gave us men who crossed fields in the rain. Mine left me on read, and liked someone else’s story.

May 30, 2026

The more attention you get on this website, the less you enjoy being on it.

May 30, 2026

Why is everybody on LinkedIn thrilled all the time?

May 29, 2026

I post for my other personalities. They’re huge fans.

May 29, 2026

First in my bloodline to scroll Twitter for hours.

May 29, 2026

Twitter will always be your best app if you’re single, funny, or just depressed.

May 29, 2026

Using Twitter as a semi-vague posting journal for memory purposes.

May 29, 2026

People who don’t have Twitter are trying to show you stuff you laughed at a month ago.

May 29, 2026

Using Twitter means knowing the news a week before everyone else.

May 29, 2026

I was born in the right generation. I love bedrotting and scrolling through Twitter all day.

May 29, 2026