It’s so foggy outside. Y’all gotta stop vaping.

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I love saying “why would I lie” when I’m lying.

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Mental state: just googled “When will the sun explode.”

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I see why grandmas used to cook dinner at 3 p.m. and sit down the rest of the day.

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Life is full of questions. Idiots are full of answers.

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If someone asks you if you’re in the queue, what they actually mean is “you’re really shit at queuing, aren’t you?”

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Handing the bus driver a $50 bill and telling him “Just drive”.

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Someone asked me how much I spend on a bottle of wine. 30 minutes was not the right answer.