Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

Engaging in deforestation (trimming my bush).

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

There’s no reason to be bored flying on an airplane. Use the time to tell the person next to you your entire life story.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

If cats could text you back, they wouldn’t.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Hansel and Gretel weren’t wrong, every bad decision I’ve ever made started with being hungry.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

My extravagant lifestyle of paying for housing and buying groceries is really getting in the way of my ability to save money.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

It’s a good thing Titanic is only a movie. A lot of people would’ve died.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Nothing good happens on the credit card after midnight.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

Guys with grey in their beards will do that thing you like.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

iPhone: I’m gonna update your software tonight while you sleep. Next morning, iPhone: I couldn’t do it, bro. Just didn’t feel right. Vibe was off.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

At this point, I’m not sure if my house is a mess or my mess is a house.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,690

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

Don’t tell me about your wild weekend. My TV remote died and I switched the batteries around, and now it’s working.

Just landed via X:

If you start liking someone, just block them. Follow me for more relationship advice.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Reverse cowgirl because you made me mad, and I can’t even look at you right now.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Imagine buying a new car, and some superhero throws it at an alien.

Trending via Messenger:

Liking sports is great because you’ll have a bad day, then here your team comes to make it worse.

Spotted on Telegram:

Needs to be a Google Maps setting where you can ask them not to make you take a left across four lanes of oncoming traffic.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Three words no parent ever wants to hear when dropping their kid at a play date: “Come on in.”

Going bananas on X:

I hate when I get ready too quickly and have to sit on the couch, fully dressed, and wait like an idiot.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Can you put some pants on my voodoo doll and pop some money in the pocket, please?

Freshly posted on Slack:

One minute you’re young and fun, and the next, you’re turning down the stereo in your car to see better.

It’s unbelievable how much work goes into having a mid-physique and a relatively clean house.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Getting buff and dusting: my two-part struggle is basically an Olympic event now! 🏋️‍♂️🏠😅

clean, clean house, effort, fitness, having, house, housekeeping, humor, lifestyle, mid-physique, much, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.

0

2 months ago

award, candy, comedy, confession, dentist, deserve, eat, honesty, humor, i, lie, Oscar, telling
The existence of raw sexuality implies the existence of medium sexuality, but also well-done sexuality.

0

2 months ago

existence, humor, medium, raw, sex, sexuality, well-done
If you think you’re going to be in a dangerous situation, dress accordingly. Don’t wear flip-flops to a bank robbery, for example.

0

2 months ago

advice, bank, bank robbery, code, dangerous, dangerous situation, dress, dress code, example, flip flops, going, humor, preparation, robbery, safety, situation, think, wear
Texting is so boring. Just show up to my door with roses.

0

2 months ago

boredom, boring, dating, door, gesture, just, romantic, romantic gesture, rose, roses, show, surprise, surprise visit, texting, visit
I love when kids tell me what they want to be when they grow up, because I’m still looking for ideas.

0

2 months ago

aspiration, grow, grow up, humor, idea, kid, kids, love, tell
I am convinced that some of you are failed experiments that gained sentience and escaped from a lab.

0

2 months ago

am, escape, experiment, failed, humor, i, lab, sarcasm, science, sentience

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

58 shares on Discord this month:

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

52 shares on WeChat this month:

My husband is looking for the remote control. I need everyone to stand up for a minute.

13 shares on Telegram this month:

You may find my attraction to Goofy weird, but I don’t give a hyuck.

20 shares on TikTok this month:

When the blood pressure machine comes out for one person, the whole family has to get involved.

64 shares on Messenger this month:

I fall in love with a song and play it until I absolutely don’t wanna hear it no more.

75 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Your skull is the only thing preventing your brain from floating away, unburdened as it is by any meaningful thought to anchor it.

43 shares on Twitch this month:

I like how “energy bars” are really just candy bars, and we all pretend to not notice.

52 shares on Instagram this month:

I don’t care for the term drug mule, why can’t it be a drug unicorn.

15 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I hope this email kills us both.

13 shares on X this month:

Someone at work had a 25-year anniversary, and it took everything in me not to say she’s been working longer than I’ve been alive.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Horror movies should add bloopers, so after watching the main film, you’ll be able to sleep.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

Men’s jeans have bigger pockets to help them carry all their audacity.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

Some people are like clouds. When they go away it’s much better.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

It always takes me an hour to get ready. 45 minutes for doing nothing and 15 hectic minutes for the rest.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

“I asked ChatGPT,” “I asked Grok.” Well, I just made some shit up, and people believe me because I’m well read and use big words.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

Jesus Christ. I haven’t seen a meltdown like that since Chernobyl.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

The real flex is how many wounds you can turn into wisdom.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

About 40 muscles are activated when you eat just one donut. Follow me for more fitness advice.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

I be having full arguments in my head, then walk around mad like someone actually said something to me.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

Someone asked me how much I normally spend on a bottle of wine. Answering “usually an hour” wasn’t the right answer. I know this now.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Lovingly looking at my dog knowing I’m about to ruin her day with a bath.

Just landed via Slack:

I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I’ve never seen a McDonald’s or a Burger King under construction. They just show up.

Just landed via TikTok:

Establish dominance by maintaining eye contact whilst twerking.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Everyone wants a goth girlfriend until she starts doing goth things.

Just shared via WeChat:

People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders.

Breaking via Messenger:

A big part of my job as a parent is moving things away from the edges of countertops.

Just shared via YouTube:

Some things are better left unsaid, which I usually realize after I say them.

Spotted on Telegram:

I love cute tiny purses, but I’m sad to say I can never be a cute tiny purse girl. I need to haul my hoard of objects everywhere I go, because what if….

Breaking via Snapchat:

Being a consultant would be fun. Like “hmmm… maybe! Here’s your invoice.”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

It’s unbelievable how much work goes into having a mid-physique and a relatively clean house.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.

The existence of raw sexuality implies the existence of medium sexuality, but also well-done sexuality.

If you think you’re going to be in a dangerous situation, dress accordingly. Don’t wear flip-flops to a bank robbery, for example.

Texting is so boring. Just show up to my door with roses.

I love when kids tell me what they want to be when they grow up, because I’m still looking for ideas.

I am convinced that some of you are failed experiments that gained sentience and escaped from a lab.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨