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Milking stools only have three legs, because the cow has the udder.

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Sometimes a lover girl, sometimes a dinosaur.

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Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to cancel plans.

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It takes only one person in this world to make you smile. Itโ€™s called a plastic surgeon.

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If you think someone has put a spell on you, send me $500 and Iโ€™ll get rid of it.

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I may be a beginner at some things, but I have a black belt in shopping.

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The pointless tidy-up before a play date.

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People who don’t have a dishwasher, where do they bang their shins?

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I hate it when I’m gossiping at work and a customer wants to be served. How rude is that?

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Getting mad when an app updates and changes their format is the new “rearranged grocery store” for me.

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I’ve had 50 birthdays in a row without being arrested, which I’d say is an impressive streak!

I’ve had 50 birthdays in a row without being arrested, which I’d say is an impressive streak!

Commentary:
๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ˜‚ "Sounds like you're about to break some cake-smashing records instead of laws! Keep up the clean streak! ๐ŸŽ‚๐Ÿš“"

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