28 funny 50 quotes - Wordgag

Cursing after hitting oneself can reduce the pain by up to 50%.

May 26, 2026

Welcome to your 40’s: it’s ten years of people saying “wait until you’re 50”.

May 25, 2026

50 is the new 30. Because it takes 50 bucks to buy what 30 used to.

May 24, 2026

Wrapping gifts on the floor after 50: 1% holiday spirit, 99% figuring out how to stand up without calling for help.

May 24, 2026

Handing the bus driver a $50 bill and telling him “Just drive”.

May 23, 2026

They say that 50 is the new 40, but these traffic police are having none of it.

May 22, 2026

When I was a young boy, the doctor told me I had a lazy eye. By the time I was 50, it had spread to the rest of my body.

May 21, 2026

When you turn 50, they change the lightbulb in your fridge to that memory eraser from Men in Black.

May 21, 2026

30s: Oh look, a dance floor! 50s: Oh look, a couch!

May 21, 2026

50% of parenting is just trying to decide if that noise is worth walking up all of those stairs.

May 20, 2026

Fishing for compliments like “I’m a mess in this photo that I took all morning to get the right angle and filter and after 50 selfies this is me”.

May 20, 2026

I have 206 bones, 650 muscles and 50 billion cells in my body. It takes time to wake up all of them up in the morning.

May 20, 2026

50 shades of single.

May 20, 2026

They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

May 20, 2026

You know you’re over 50 when you have “upstairs Ibuprofen” and “downstairs Ibuprofen”.

May 19, 2026

You will give your period 50 acres of prime pad, and it will still choose to encroach on your underwear.

Apr 1, 2026

If your coffee shop has a passive-aggressive ‘no Wi-Fi, pretend it’s the old days’ sign, I’m gonna smoke in there and pay 50 cents for coffee.

Apr 1, 2026

If I walk into a girl’s house and she got like 50 plants, I know she’s a keeper because she already takes care of a bunch of useless things. What’s one more?

Apr 1, 2026

I’ve got 50 minutes to make it look like I’ve been flossing for the last 6 months.

Apr 1, 2026

The worst part about being in your 40s is the 10 years of listening to people say, “Wait till you’re 50.”

Mar 31, 2026

If I had 50¢ for every math test I’ve failed, I’d have $7.20.

Mar 31, 2026

Like most people my age, I’m 50.

Mar 31, 2026

Cooking your own meals really is the best way to devote 50 hours of your life every month to save $50.

Mar 31, 2026

The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.

Mar 31, 2026

Why would I get married when it’s a well-known fact that only 50% of all marriages end in divorce?

Mar 30, 2026

I’ve had 50 birthdays in a row without being arrested, which I’d say is an impressive streak!

Mar 30, 2026

The way I forget stuff at my age, I just know it is over for me after 50.

Mar 30, 2026

I really thought adulthood would be 50% freedom and 50% fun. Turns out it’s 100% bills.

Mar 30, 2026