Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

Nudes are outdated. Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you’re not dumb.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

Some people get weird as they get older. Not me, though. I’ve always been weird.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Girls don’t actually shop. We just walk round touching the clothes saying ‘this is cute’.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

Drinking at home is convenient, sure, but it’s nothing like the experience of leaving the pub feeling fifty bucks lighter.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Aura is the real business card.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Mama didn’t raise no fool, I turned into one all on my own.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

I was raised to be humble which I excel at cause I excel at everything.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

My son is teaching himself Christmas songs on the trumpet, proving things can be both beautiful and annoying.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

I want time to watch more films, but I also want time to read more books, but I also want time to look at more nothing.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

Dad Hack: Get your teen’s attention instantly by pre-heating the oven.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,454

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

Telling everyone I’m an undecided voter because I need the attention.

Live now on Threads:

I used to think that the older you get, the wiser and more self-confident you become. I now know that you just get tired more quickly.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Aliens traveled millions of light years to get here to visit New Jersey.

Trending via Snapchat:

Before I start seeing a psychiatrist, does anyone like me crazy?

Trending via Facebook:

Dear Aliens, Now would be a good time. Thanks!

Making waves on TikTok:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here playing with my arm fat.

Shared recently on X:

Not to brag, but no one has ever accused me of trying too hard.

Making waves on TikTok:

When you accidentally laugh at your own thoughts, and now people are staring.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

My mom is asking each ornament, “Where do you want to live?” before putting them on the tree.

Trending via TikTok:

Anyone know if we got the meek inheriting the Earth today?

Last year I had no valentine, this year I also have no valentine. Consistency!

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs fluctuating emotions when you've got consistent love for yourself? 💁‍♂️❤️ #ForeverMyOwnValentine"

consistency, humor, i, last, love, relationship, single, Valentine, year

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Why can’t the house clean itself? It seems to get dirty by itself.

0

2 months ago

chore, clean, cleaning, dirty, house, humor, irony, self
Kinda sucks that I actually own a skeleton but don’t get to show anyone until I die.

0

2 months ago

actually, dark, dark humor, die, humor, i, irony, own, secret, show, skeleton, sucks
I could never abuse substances, they mean a lot to me.

0

2 months ago

abuse, addiction, humor, i, irony, lot, me, mean, meaning, never, substance
If you’re going to give me some food for thought, it had better be a pizza, or I’m out.

0

2 months ago

better, food, food pun, give, going, humor, me, pizza, pun, thought
Perfume and jewelry are two things you can never go wrong with gifting me.

0

4 months ago

gift, gift idea, gifting, humor, idea, jewelry, me, never, perfume, present, things, wrong
When my wife packs for a trip she basically moves out.

0

2 months ago

humor, joke, move, moves, packing, relationship, travel, trip, wife

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on Instagram this month:

It seems that after checking my bank account, I need to turn to a life of crime.

24 shares on Twitch this month:

Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face.

20 shares on Reddit this month:

The only constant in my life are the accidental screenshots of my lock screen.

87 shares on Instagram this month:

Musk goes “exactly,” and it’s the stupidest tweet you’ve ever read in your entire life.

83 shares on TikTok this month:

Prophecy class has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.

46 shares on Telegram this month:

I thought you are the sunshine of my life, but you are just a meteor trying to destroy my world.

55 shares on Instagram this month:

Asbestos? I’m doing asbestos I can.

79 shares on Reddit this month:

Good morning. I’m ready for attention now.

45 shares on Messenger this month:

Ask your girlfriend for her ring size and then give her a personalized bowling ball.

81 shares on Facebook this month:

Imagine being a dinosaur. No work or bills. No drama. Just extinct.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

Some of you need to be visited by the ghost of ‘Quit emailing me so much before Christmas.’

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

I wonder if Van Halen realized they were writing music just to lift weights to.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Evenings after work finish too quickly, one meal, one show, and it’s already tomorrow morning.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

I have lots of hidden talents. The problem is, even I can’t find them.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

Sleep when the baby sleeps, eat when the baby eats, work when the baby works.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

I hate it when I’m outside, and an insect lands and crawls on my glasses, and for a split second, I think aliens have invaded.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Whoever named rice cakes is probably also responsible for Paris, Texas.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

There is no ‘we’ in ‘food’.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

Why don’t straight men and lesbians hang out like straight women and gays do?

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Hardest part of beekeeping is thinking of all the names.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Just overheard someone describe their hike as “it was like mountain climbing, but flat”.

Live now on YouTube:

Replying to all emails with “ya think?”.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

You can either have a nice evening or you can help your child with their math homework. You can’t have both.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Nothing is hungrier than a Roomba that sees a charger cord.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Gnocchi: The small, chubby children of spaghetti and potatoes.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

My wife refuses to hire a housekeeper because she doesn’t want them to see this mess.

Making waves on Reddit:

America was more fun when organized crime was done by Italians in Chicago.

Live now on LinkedIn:

They say an apple a day keeps a doctor away. But what do I need to eat to keep everyone away?

Just landed via Instagram:

Think like a crazy person, and then you’ll understand.

Just shared via WeChat:

Spent most of the day making sure the couch still works. So far so good.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Last year I had no valentine, this year I also have no valentine. Consistency!

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Why can’t the house clean itself? It seems to get dirty by itself.

Kinda sucks that I actually own a skeleton but don’t get to show anyone until I die.

I could never abuse substances, they mean a lot to me.

If you’re going to give me some food for thought, it had better be a pizza, or I’m out.

Perfume and jewelry are two things you can never go wrong with gifting me.

When my wife packs for a trip she basically moves out.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨