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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

I’m always best at the things I shouldn’t do.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

I typed my name into Google’s search bar and it immediately auto-filled to “Doesn’t even listen to instructions” before crashing under the weight of disappointed search results.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

I talk to myself mostly because I am an excellent listener.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

I’m not gonna have a bad day. The day is gonna have a bad me.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

Insane that you have to defend yourself at the end of the Ph. D.! Why are you attacking me? I’m so tired.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

Of course, my summer body is ready; it’s the same as my winter body but sweatier.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

My cat is so finicky. I finally gave up and taught him how to order Uber Eats for himself.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

When someone touches my phone, I automatically turn into a ninja.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

Imagine you go bowling by yourself and you go sit down, but it’s your turn again.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,598

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

My morning routine includes 10 minutes of sitting on my bed and thinking about how tired I am.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I’ve learned my lesson so many times that I could be a teacher.

Going bananas on Facebook:

I love when I see a really beautiful car, and I look inside, and it’s a beautiful woman. That’s fire.

Going viral on Facebook:

Jewelry stores should just be like: Whether you’re trying to be nice or trying to get laid, we got you covered.

Trending via TikTok:

I don’t need to learn something new, I need to remember something old, like why did I come into this room?

Spotted on YouTube:

My my husband’s favorite thing is when I blame him for losing something that’s actually in my hand.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I love diss tracks because it’s basically two dudes going, “grr, we hate each other so much we’re going to take turns writing increasingly personalized poetry!”

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

If you’ve never been hit with gay allegations, you’re not fly enough.

Shared recently on Twitch:

The amount of inappropriate thoughts I have is a little concerning.

Breaking via Threads:

The worst part about waking up is all the remembering.

Letting her be the passenger princess cause I care about my safety.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Guess who's not getting behind the wheel on this adventure? 🚗👸 Safety first, folks! Let the passenger princess reign supreme! 👑😄"

care, driving, humor, i, passenger, princess, relationship, safety

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I am officially at the age where old people think I am young and young people think I am old.

0

1 month ago

age, age gap, am, gap, humor, i, old, old person, people, perception, person, think, where, young, young person
If you want to impress me with your car, it should be an ice cream van.

0

2 months ago

car, cream, fun, humor, ice, ice cream, impress, me, novelty, should, van, vehicle, want
I only write when I am falling in love, or falling apart.

0

2 months ago

am, apart, falling, i, love, only
Ugh, he wants to go hiking as a first date, just like Hitler.

0

2 months ago

activity, awkward, awkward situation, context, date, first date, funny context, hiking, Hitler, just, outdoor, outdoor activity, situation, ugh
Absurdity is the spice of life.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, fun, humor, irony, life, quirkiness, spice
Insane that you have to defend yourself at the end of the Ph. D.! Why are you attacking me? I’m so tired.

0

2 months ago

attack, D, defend, end, insane, me, PhD, self-defense, tired, yourself

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

43 shares on YouTube this month:

Most venomous snakes just make “Tsssss”. But I know some that say “Hi”.

63 shares on Snapchat this month:

I know I’m almost 40 because I had a few drinks last night and woke up this morning thinking: Oh no I bought so many socks online last night.

81 shares on Threads this month:

You don’t even have to date, by the way. You can just take a break from love and then randomly meet the actual love of your life somewhere you weren’t even supposed to be.

46 shares on Facebook this month:

My favorite Christmas Eve tradition is the one where I tell my kids we have to get the house spotless, or Santa won’t come.

30 shares on Snapchat this month:

It’s not my fault that when I said you looked “stunning” you assumed I meant in a positive way.

89 shares on Threads this month:

Cleaned the bathroom window. Wasn’t frosted glass at all.

91 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Not to brag but I can chop an onion without crying. And I can cry without chopping an onion.

93 shares on Threads this month:

There should be an opposite of Valentine’s Day where you post Instagram photos of your enemy.

44 shares on Facebook this month:

Accidentally turned my clocks back too far and ended up at a Wham concert.

28 shares on Twitch this month:

What many call beauty can just be wiped off 90% of the time.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

What genius called it road rage and not locomotive?

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Sure, breakups are hard, but have you ever had to wait for your phone to stop ringing so you can start using it again?

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

Wake up, the thinking isn’t going to overthink itself.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

A man rejecting my advances can’t hurt me. I have a dog who leaves the bed every time I climb in.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Peak delusion is believing that a paragraph will make someone treat you better.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

I came, I saw, I took a selfie as proof that I came and saw.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Ruining the Olympics for my fiancée by, every time they mention Paris, saying, “that’s where Ratatouille lived”.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Only two things are certain: death, and Princess Diana’s face on at least one grocery store magazine.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

Marriage is where you gasp while your husband is driving, and he gets super annoyed over and over.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

I put the mess in domestic.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on YouTube:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!

Making waves on Twitch:

A big part of aging is accumulating keys and not knowing what they’re for.

Spotted on Pinterest:

If you’re worried that you added too much cheese to the recipe, I am here to reassure you that you did not.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

I called the cops on my own party, because I was ready to go to bed.

Spotted on X:

Rudolph, with your nose so bright, help me find my phone tonight.

Spotted on Facebook:

Statistically speaking, on average, a person has two arms, two legs, one testicle, and one ovary.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

In a job interview, you can always respond to an awkward question with a deep gaze and parted lips, followed by “You complete me.”

Just landed via Messenger:

I get so flattered when butterflies or bees buzz around me. Like, sorry ladies, I’m not a flower, but it’s so sweet that you thought I was. Hehe.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Some people can start a task and then just finish it instead of trying to do a hundred things at once, like a squirrel on crack.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I don’t want your hoodie, I want your still-beating heart presented to me in a box.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Letting her be the passenger princess cause I care about my safety.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I am officially at the age where old people think I am young and young people think I am old.

If you want to impress me with your car, it should be an ice cream van.

I only write when I am falling in love, or falling apart.

Ugh, he wants to go hiking as a first date, just like Hitler.

Absurdity is the spice of life.

Insane that you have to defend yourself at the end of the Ph. D.! Why are you attacking me? I’m so tired.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨