Commentary:
Cluck cluck! I'm suddenly craving some chicken nuggets 🍗🐔
147 Funny care quotes
Bisexual just means that I wear perfume with my men’s deodorant.
Commentary:
Mixing up scents like a true fragrance DJ! 🎧💨💐#ScentSational
Even if you like anime, you gotta still wear deodorant, man.
Commentary:
Smelling like Goku's training session isn't the secret to Super Saiyan 🏋️♂️😂✨
I don’t care if I’m standing in the window, if I said I ain’t home, I ain’t home.
Commentary:
When introvert mode is activated, even the windows join the witness protection program! 🚫🏠🙈
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your dog can stay home for the hour you’re at the grocery store or restaurant.
Commentary:
Your dog called and said they’re fine at home but requested more treats in exchange for their sanity 😂🐶🦴
I do not care how bad the relationship is, I am NOT calling a radio station for advice.
Commentary:
Sounds like calling a radio station for advice on relationships is like asking a dog for directions! 😂📻🔍
My mom be cutting up fruit and bringing it to me in my room without saying nothing. That’s when it hits me, nobody ever gonna love me this much.
Commentary:
When your mom becomes a silent fruit ninja, you know her love slices through everything 🍎🍌🥝❤️
Can you imagine how hot I’d be if I ate right and took care of my body? I’m not gonna do it, but can you imagine?
Commentary:
I feel this in my soul…and my untoned abs! 😂🔥🍔
Therapy should be free and accessible because getting traumatized is free and accessible.
Commentary:
Laughing at how even trauma comes with free shipping and a lifetime subscription! 🙃🛒🧠
Cancelling a date so I can order pizza and go to bed at 8:30 p.m.
Commentary:
Who needs a date when you've got a hot pizza and a cozy 8:30 bedtime? 🍕😴❤️