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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

I’m not worried about shattering the illusion, I want to smash it to pieces.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

Some Uber rides in NYC are the same price as a JetBlue flight to Miami.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

Sex is cool but have you ever had your bed all to yourself.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

Money enters like Beyoncé and exits like Britney.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

My bear’s diarrhea problems are really starting to worry me. The vet says he’s getting better but he’s not out of the woods yet.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

Doing dishes is like fighting a hydra — wash one, and two more appear.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

“New password cannot be your old password” makes me so mad.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

Reverse cowgirl, so we can both address the elephant in the room.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

As a man, it’s my job to mistake kindness for flirting.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

I didn’t really feel old until my doctor hit me with the “at your age…”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,527

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

December. A desperate celebration of an end.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Spending the day with my mom and her mom, just observing the patterns.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Not to sound like a potted plant, but sunlight and fresh air really make a difference.

Breaking via X:

“Communism sounds good in theory, but doesn’t work in practice.” Capitalism doesn’t even sound good in theory.

Trending via Instagram:

I don’t freak out until I see the Buddhists freaking out.

Spotted on X:

Sometimes, before bedtime, I fall asleep on the couch. It’s my little sleep appetizer… my nappetizer.

Trending via Telegram:

I don’t know how to mop my kitchen floor without pretending l’m cleaning up a gruesome crime scene.

Spotted on Instagram:

If you keep the house dark, not only do you save on electricity, but it also looks cleaner.

Trending via Slack:

Quickie so fast, it’s called secs.

Making waves on YouTube:

A shark could swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster than a shark. So, in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.

Muting morons is good for your health.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Silencing the nonsense to keep the sanity ✌️😜 Remember, a mute button a day keeps the headaches away! 🤫🧠 #MuteTheMorons"

good, health, humor, moron, muting, positivity, self-care, wellness

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Happiness is when you really have nothing to do with people you want absolutely nothing to do with.

0

2 months ago

avoid, detachment, freedom, happiness, introvert, nothing, people, social, solitude, want
For my birthday, I want everyone to tell me how much they love me and why in immense detail.

0

2 months ago

attention, birthday, celebration, detail, everyone, humor, i, love, me, much, request, tell, want, why
Shaking my head like an Etch a Sketch to get my thoughts right.

0

2 months ago

creativity, etch, Etch a Sketch, head, humor, mind, right, shaking, shaking my head, sketch, thoughts
There’s something fundamentally wrong with the way people interact with each other on LinkedIn.

0

2 months ago

communication, fundamental, fundamental issue, humor, interact, interaction, issue, LinkedIn, media, networking, people, social, social media, something, wrong
The only reason I’d want to go to heaven is to complain to the manager.

0

2 months ago

afterlife, complain, heaven, humor, ID, manager, reason, sarcasm, want
My life is simple, I see a queue of more than 6 people, I go home.

0

2 months ago

6, avoidance, home, humor, i, life, people, queue, simple, simplicity

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

67 shares on Facebook this month:

Call me a glitch, cause I’m definitely messing with your system.

12 shares on Instagram this month:

Savannah is one of the only girl’s names that’s also a significant “biome”.

93 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Dating apps aren’t working, time to walk into a cafe looking confused.

89 shares on X this month:

Loving her was my second biggest mistake. Not buying Bitcoins in 2010 still remains the first.

79 shares on Pinterest this month:

My girlfriend? You wouldn’t know her, she’s in a different data center.

95 shares on WeChat this month:

Just googled “insanity” over and over but was expecting different results.

90 shares on Reddit this month:

My favorite type of gender reveal is the one where they just tell me and I don’t have to go to a party to find out.

92 shares on Discord this month:

The dragon with the girl tattoo.

41 shares on Instagram this month:

Gonna get my eye looked at today. Usually it’s the other way around.

66 shares on Messenger this month:

Forgetting your phone at home is the modern equivalent of leaving your sword behind in medieval times.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

I’m not saying I’m old, but when I was in school, we made our parents ashtrays for Christmas.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

Welcome to your 40’s. You now have a favorite vegetable peeler.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Did I eat too much candy today? My stomach says yes, but my heart says no.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

Reading is a gateway drug to being less stupid.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

His palm trees are Serengeti, destination wedding, luggage is heavy. There’s vomit on his tux already, Dollar store confetti.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

I don’t like this new trend of old people wearing shirts of bands I listened to when I was a kid.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

I just finally discovered what’s wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

Nudes are played out. Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you’re not dumb.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

Nothing betrays your age more than the slang you won’t let go of.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

There are two classes of travel: first class and with children.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

Started the year single. Ending the year single. Consistency is key.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Putting together a piece of furniture today, so my kids are about to learn swear words that haven’t even been invented yet.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Few things in life are as disappointing as having to poop right after a shower.

Just shared via Telegram:

(at an incredibly low point in my life) I should start dating again.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Waving at the end of every Zoom call like it’s the 1800s and a big steamship is leaving the harbor.

Going viral on Reddit:

Back in my day, if you were 14 on the internet, you kept that to yourself.

Shared recently on TikTok:

“Careful. It’s slippery!” – Everyone, after you’ve already slipped.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I bought a little bag of air today. The company that made it was kind enough to put some potato chips in it as well.

Going viral on X:

You look like the result of a failed CIA experiment.

Trending via Facebook:

Back to the Future and chill?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Muting morons is good for your health.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Happiness is when you really have nothing to do with people you want absolutely nothing to do with.

For my birthday, I want everyone to tell me how much they love me and why in immense detail.

Shaking my head like an Etch a Sketch to get my thoughts right.

There’s something fundamentally wrong with the way people interact with each other on LinkedIn.

The only reason I’d want to go to heaven is to complain to the manager.

My life is simple, I see a queue of more than 6 people, I go home.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨