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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

I’d log off, but I get so tired of hearing myself talk.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

The reason I stay up late is because I don’t want my free time to end, and tomorrow to start.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

It’s normal that my retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding buried treasure at some point, right?

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

I don’t have read receipts on my phone because why would I tell on myself like that?

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

I support Bluesky in theory, but in practice, it’s like a JRPG with no bad guys.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

Nothing messes up your Friday like realizing it’s only Thursday.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

“I’m depressed because there’s not enough cheese in this world to satisfy my hunger for it.”

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Does anyone know what to do, like in general?

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Sex is so embarrassing. Like, why did I want to do that to you?

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

My favorite delusion is that I just need to get through this week.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,854

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Having a horse run off on you in medieval times must have been crazy. Imagine if your car got scared and ran away, and you found it a day later by itself at a gas station.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

You should be allowed to leave work early if you miss your wife enough.

Going viral on X:

I bought all this healthy food at the grocery store today and now I’m trying to decide if I want Chinese food or pizza delivered for dinner tonight.

Trending via WeChat:

Happy new fear!

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

What an awful time to be even remotely aware of what is going on in the world.

Seen just now on Slack:

Where do I see myself in 5 years? I don’t even know where I am right now.

Going bananas on Telegram:

So annoying when your family knocks on the toilet door and asks what you’re doing. I’m baking a cake. HBU?

Seen just now on Facebook:

It may sound crazy but some of us are nice without hidden agendas.

Breaking via Discord:

“You look nervous” Thanks, I’ve been practicing my whole life.

Live now on Threads:

Messed up and threw a surprise party for my minimalist friend. Now 25 of us are hiding behind the granite orb.

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

2 months ago

0

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs to lift weights when you can exercise your fingers by selecting snacks from the vending machine instead? 💪🍫 #GymGoals #SnackAttack"

favorite, fitness, gym, humor, irony, joke, machine, snack, vending

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

It’s like 10,000 yawns when all you need is a nap.

0

2 months ago

exhaustion, fatigue, humor, nap, need, rest, sleep, yawn
I didn’t mean to gain weight. It happened by snaccident.

0

2 months ago

accident, diet, food, gain, humor, i, mean, snaccident, snack, weight
Declined stepping on the scale at the doctor’s office because no one needs that kind of negativity in her life.

0

2 months ago

body, body image, doctor, humor, image, life, negativity, office, scale, self-care
Only at 27 do you become old, and then when you turn 30, you become younger than ever. That’s just how it goes.

0

3 months ago

27, 30, age, aging, birthday, ever, humor, just, life, old, only, turn, younger, youth
Maybe God will gift me a boyfriend for my birthday this year.

0

2 months ago

birthday, boyfriend, gift, gift idea, God, humor, idea, love, maybe, me, relationship, single, wish, year
Why is judge the only job where you can bang a little hammer to make people shut up? I’ve needed that in literally every job I’ve had.

0

2 months ago

bang, courtroom, every, hammer, humor, job, judge, little, only, people, shut, shut up, silence, where, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on Discord this month:

That moment you turn down the music while driving around looking for a street address, so you can see better.

78 shares on Discord this month:

Watching a movie on the plane? No thanks. Watching my seatmate’s movie with no audio and not understanding what’s going on for over an hour? Yassss.

96 shares on Threads this month:

You cannot go outside for a year or two. Come back, and the same people still be outside in the same places.

32 shares on Facebook this month:

For someone with a dry phone, I’m on it way too much.

29 shares on Threads this month:

If he has other girls who make him smile, be different and make him cry.

88 shares on Reddit this month:

Buying books and reading them are actually two entirely different hobbies.

27 shares on Snapchat this month:

Cookbook, but each recipe includes a photo of all the dishes that need to be cleaned after making it.

77 shares on Instagram this month:

You don’t need to leave a message in a bottle. If the bottle is full of tequila, I’ll get the message.

36 shares on X this month:

I think my bank account has been taking Ozempic.

39 shares on Snapchat this month:

Accessories can really boost a woman’s self-confidence. For example, I know I would feel 10x sexier if I carried a sword with me at all times.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

“Nothing burger” is such a funny phrase. Americans when nothing: so imagine a burger.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Do you ever think back about all the crazy stuff you did when you were younger, and wonder how you’re still alive?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Dinosaurs are always described as “roaming” the earth, which is patronizing as hell, I bet they had places to go and important shit to do.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

People pleasing doesn’t go well with my black attire.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Waiting patiently for the alien invasion.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Girl, he’s nonchalant because he doesn’t like you. He’s definitely chalanting somewhere else.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m only grumpy when I’m awake.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Summer Olympics is just me swimming in sweat and wrestling with my sports bra.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Life hack: You don’t need white noise to sleep when you have constant ringing in your ears.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

The lion does not concern himself with the check engine light.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,852

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

Chuck Norris passed his driving test on foot.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

“A healthy lifestyle is all about balance,” I say as I drive through Taco Bell after working out.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

You want me to turn around? The thing that led to a total eclipse of the heart.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

I failed as a person; I’m a dinosaur now.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

Is my life this bad because I didn’t forward that email to 15 people back in 2007?

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

I don’t always cook dinner but when I do, I use every pan in the kitchen.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

If painting yourself into a corner was considered art, I’d be Michelangelo.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

I’m pretty sure my husband’s favorite sound is the oven range fan turning on when I start making dinner.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

I’m perfectly approachable as long as you’re carrying a plate of nachos.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

I have been so toxic and horny lately, I should probably start, like, reading a book or something.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WhatsApp:

My burning question is who thought a two day weekend would suffice the human body.

Just shared via Snapchat:

My southern family thinks my daily routine in NYC is that I wake up, try really hard not to get stabbed by a knife, and then I go see a musical.

Going viral on Slack:

Watching my wife absolutely hate my daughter’s boyfriend while being nice and hospitable to him has made me question every interaction I’ve had with another human being in my life.

Going viral on X:

“Santa isn’t real!” Okay, I literally just saw him at the mall.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I’m beginning to think that for some of you, the wheels on the bus do not go round and round.

Making waves on Instagram:

The downside of common sense is, having to deal with those that lack it.

Trending via Slack:

If by ‘leg day’ you mean a day that we put your legs on my shoulders, then yes, I love leg day.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

The older I get, the more I walk like Charlie Chaplin.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Having to choose between an old guy or a convicted felon is a perfect depiction of what dating apps are Iike.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Walking that line between “The internet is great” and “The internet is a mistake” daily.

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