Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

Love when job applications ask for my desired salary so I can choose between not being hired and being exploited for my work.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Now that I’m in my mid-forties, I think I’ll take up parkour.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

My first rodeo and my last rodeo were the same rodeo.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

She wanted me to impress her in the bedroom, so I showed her my organized sock drawer and my fresh matching bedding.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Me: what can possibly go wrong though. Anxiety: I’m glad you asked.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

If you want people to have kind words when you pass, you should say kind words when you’re alive.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

Good morning to the wind beneath my wings only.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

The person opposite me has a donut. I do not have a donut. That should be my donut. This person is now my arch nemesis.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Sorry, babe, can’t right now. The group chat is active, and I’m trying to get my joke in before they change topics.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Crossing things off my to-do list… I didn’t do them, I just don’t want them on my list anymore.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Dec 22, 2025

3,963

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Telegram:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the holiday traffic I said I’d avoid even though I did nothing to avoid it.

Trending via Discord:

I literally just went through something, and now I’m going through something else. What’s next?

Breaking via X:

Sorry I was late, I was disassociating in the shower.

Just shared via Discord:

Always be kind. You never know who has subscriptions to your favorite streaming apps.

Breaking via Telegram:

I don’t believe the phrase “if they wanted to, they would,” because I want to, and I don’t.

Trending via Instagram:

Taking a guy from skinny jeans to linen trousers, that’s my way of giving back to society.

Making waves on Discord:

Someone from Facebook Marketplace is coming over to either buy the chairs I have for sale, or to murder me.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Cholesterol has a special place in my heart.

Trending via X:

Somewhere on our planet, there is someone who doesn’t care about you at this moment. It could be billions.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I tried counting sheep so I can fall asleep but that got boring, so I started talking to the shepherd instead.

My mind is like my web browser. 19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from.

2 months ago

0

My mind is like my web browser. 19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the chaotic symphony of the modern mind! 🤯🎶 Just like a web browser with tabs galore, we navigate through the endless labyrinth of thoughts, with some frozen in confusion and a mysterious soundtrack playing in the background. 🕸️💭🎵 Embrace the pandemonium, for it is the soundtrack of creativity in full swing! 😅🎭 #MultitaskingMaster

browser, confusion, frozen, humor, i, idea, mind, multitasking, music, open, tabs, technology, web, web browser

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

It’s wild that you can just do anything. Date the wrong person, choose the wrong career. You can go outside and start eating dirt if you want, and the universe lets you. Not even a pop-up like “Are you sure?“

0

1 month ago

adventure, anything, career, choices, choose, date, dirt, eating, even, freedom, humor, irony, just, life, nonchalance, outside, person, quirk, recklessness, start, sure, universe, want, wild, wrong
If you’re 20, please stop saying you’re tired. I have bananas older than you.

0

2 months ago

20, age, bananas, comparison, humor, i, older, saying, stop, tired, youth
I can’t wait for my mom to come to my new house so she can tell me how I organized the kitchen wrong.

0

2 months ago

advice, expectations, family, house, i, kitchen, me, mom, new, organize, tell, wait, wrong
Holding back your sarcastic replies takes a lot of inner strength.

0

2 months ago

back, holding, humor, inner, inner strength, lot, reply, sarcasm, sarcastic, self-control, strength, wit
My husband clearly believes that chairs just magically push themselves back in.

0

5 months ago

back, chair, chairs, household, humor, husband, just, laziness, magic, marriage, push, relationship
In your 20s, there will be a cat, and it is very important to get that cat and spend so much money on it.

0

3 weeks ago

20s, adulthood, cat, humor, important, money, much, pet, spend, spending

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

33 shares on Messenger this month:

If anyone wants to contact me, from now on I can only be reached via my bank account.

99 shares on Snapchat this month:

My ideal workday would be from 9:00 AM to 9:07 AM

67 shares on Telegram this month:

I hope you can hear me thinking about you.

59 shares on Reddit this month:

My security system is just a bunch of my unpaid bills taped to my front door.

67 shares on TikTok this month:

This gum has my stomach convinced food is coming.

42 shares on Slack this month:

Going to the gym for my health and wellbeing? No, I just wanna look good naked.

85 shares on Messenger this month:

New COVID variant subscribes you to random podcasts.

62 shares on Telegram this month:

You know who else works in mysterious ways? Me.

73 shares on TikTok this month:

Traffic is the fault of the guy immediately in front of you.

13 shares on Telegram this month:

It’s normal that my retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding buried treasure at some point, right?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re 20, please stop saying you’re tired. I have bananas older than you.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I’m out in public and I have to look down real quick to make sure I remembered to put on pants.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The older I get, the easier it is for me to look at a situation and say: “Yeahhh, I’m out.”

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Ten million people accused me of exaggerating today.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry I’m late. My catapult malfunctioned.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Future generations will never have to live in unprecedented times, because we’re precedenting the Hell out of everything right now.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Candy companies will look you straight in the eye and lie about how they know what a banana tastes like.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Experts say you can make any statement sound more credible by adding ‘experts say’ at the beginning.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

When you said “let’s circle back to that in the new year” and now it’s the new year.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Updated

Dec 22, 2025

Users Online

3,982

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

I feel like waking up early on the weekend is so disrespectful.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

I’ll make you feel safe in that you’ll know you can outrun me if we are being chased by a murderer.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

She asked to see where the magic happens, so I showed her my sandwich maker.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

I’ve convinced myself bumblebees don’t sting because they’re too fluffy and cute.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

Digging my own grave, because I gotta do everything around here.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Just because I loved you at one point doesn’t mean I will always love you. I’m not Whitney Houston.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

Me: God, please stop giving me your toughest battles. God: You just have to empty the dishwasher.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Even though he murders a lot of people, you can tell Freddie Kruger is a fun loving guy cause he goes by Freddie and not Fred or Frederick.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

The woman that cleaned my house could make a lot of money by threatening to release the before and after photos.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

A weighted blanket isn’t enough today, I need to be compressed into a zip-file.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WhatsApp:

The world is in chaos, confess to your crush!

Just landed via Threads:

I think I’m emotionally constipated because I haven’t given a shit in months.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Never wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.

Just landed via Instagram:

I’ve got 99 problems. I know this because I wake up in the middle of the night to review each and every one of them in great detail.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I kind of miss when people stood 6 feet away.

Spotted on Threads:

What did people do before eyeglasses, like half the world just walked around not being able to see?

Freshly posted on YouTube:

My wife rearranged the kitchen cabinets, and now I’ll never eat again.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Every day, a new coworker asks if you’ve used ChatGPT, and the conversation doesn’t end if you say “No.”

Going viral on Discord:

I’d make room in my pillow fort for you.

Making waves on Threads:

Sometime you meet such a prince that you’d rather marry the horse.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴