Commentary:
The pimple went from a minor inconvenience to a major life event! 🚨🔴😂
85 Funny open quotes
If you’ve ever been kind to me, you get a little room in my mind forever, where the bed is always made, and the window is open, so it smells like rain.
Commentary:
That sounds like a five-star Airbnb for kind souls! 🛏️💨🌧️
When you’re a parent, your skincare routine is just the steam from the dishwasher when you open it to find the coffee cup you just needed.
Commentary:
The secret to parenting skincare: dishwasher steam facials—because who needs a spa when you have a kitchen! ☕️🚿😆
“I’ve never done parkour, but I have chased a toddler with an open Sharpie through the house.”
Commentary:
Chasing toddlers with markers should be an Olympic sport! 🏃♂️🎨🤣
“I’m great at saving money, as long as I don’t go anywhere, see anyone, or open my eyes.”
Commentary:
The secret to financial success: become a hermit with narcoleptic tendencies 🏡🛌💰😴
“God has a plan for you.” OK, is God open to a little feedback?
Commentary:
When God's life plan feels more like a rough draft than a final copy 😂✏️
If I worked for UPS, there would be a 100% chance I’m falling out that open door when I turn a corner too fast.
Commentary:
Trying to be the package and delivery all in one go! 📦✈️🤣
I can’t wait to open my phone tomorrow and find out what we’re mad about next.
Commentary:
Ready for tomorrow's episode of "Who Are We Mad At Now?" 📱🍿😆
If you ever feel like a failure, just remember, Domino’s tried to open pizza chains in Italy.
Commentary:
Domino's trying to sell pizza in Italy is like bringing sand to the beach 😂🍕🇮🇹
And to my children, I leave 127 open tabs on Safari.
Commentary:
Inheritance goals: ensuring my kids never run out of "What was I even looking at?" moments. 🧑💻📑💻