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My superpower is keeping this couch cushion warm.

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Master of the Couch Chronicles: Rise of the Cushion Warmer! ๐Ÿ›‹๏ธ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ•



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First you’re cringe, then you’re the blueprint.

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You should be allowed to leave work early if you are really in love.

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My most boomer belief is that you can often get a malfunctioning appliance to work again by slapping it.

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If my toddler doesn’t sleep again tonight, I’m running away into the forest.

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I like my Jims slim and my chances fat.

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If ads were a person, it would be that one neighbor who wonโ€™t stop talking to you at the most inconvenient of times.

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Forever grateful that thought bubbles arenโ€™t a real thing.

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How do I get recruited by a cult? I need some direction in my life.

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Excuse me, can you direct me to the nonsense?

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