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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

Don’t scare me, I fart easily.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

They say an apple a day keeps a doctor away. But what do I need to eat to keep everyone away?

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

Rehab is a great place to meet people that like Piña Coladas and getting caught in the rain.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Thanksgiving should be called Feaster.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

Not being filthy rich is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

Debugging is like being the detective in a crime where you are also the murderer. Following the clues of an idiot.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice? Also shame on you. Stop foolin’ me, I am pure.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Nothing in a household is said more lovingly than, “Can you bring me some toilet paper?”

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

Of course, being a child is terrible. They don’t give you any money, and then make you watch commercials the whole time.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Adulting looked way more affordable in the 90’s. I feel scammed.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,651

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

You can say “Have a nice day,” no problem, but saying “Enjoy the next 24 hours” sounds vaguely threatening.

Making waves on Twitch:

Sometimes happiness is just having a good night’s sleep.

Going viral on Discord:

You’d seriously think I was wanted for murder by the way I react when someone knocks on the door.

Just shared via Reddit:

I applied for a job and got it, and now I really have to go there. Crap!

Shared recently on TikTok:

You should introduce your upper lip to your bottom lip sometime and shut up.

Spotted on X:

Anyone who thinks being a pessimist isn’t any fun fails to appreciate the joy of saying, ‘I told you so.’

Going bananas on TikTok:

I now have Taylor Swift as my alarm. Now I always wake up five minutes earlier so I don’t have to listen to it.

Spotted on Twitch:

My four moods: I’m too old for doing that. I’m too tired for doing that. I’m too sober for doing that. I don’t have time for doing that.

Just shared via TikTok:

Some of you are still single because, when someone sends you romantic words, you reply with “hahaha.”

My superpower is keeping this couch cushion warm.

2 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Master of the Couch Chronicles: Rise of the Cushion Warmer! 🛋️🔥🍕

couch, cushion, humor, keeping, laziness, relaxation, superpower, warm

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Just because I’m friendly doesn’t mean I like you. It just means that I’m not rude.

0

2 months ago

boundary, friendly, humor, i, interaction, just, mean, means, personality, rude, sarcasm, social, social interaction
Tons of names in my phones are “Kenny Landlord,” “Mike Electric,” or “Pete Do Not Answer,” and I just realized this is how Anglo surnames have always worked.

0

2 months ago

always, Anglo, answer, contacts, electric, humor, i, just, landlord, Mike, name, names, phone, phone contacts, phones, realization, surname
I be having full arguments in my head, then walk around mad like someone actually said something to me.

0

2 months ago

actually, argument, arguments, around, conversation, dialogue, full, funny thought, having, head, i, inner, inner dialogue, mad, me, mood, said, someone, something, thought, walk
I get it dogs, I wish I could also bark at strangers approaching my house.

0

2 months ago

bark, dogs, house, humor, i, strangers, wish
Putting a baby on board sticker on my car because other drivers have a right to know who they’re dealing with behind the wheel.

0

5 months ago

baby, baby on board, behind, board, car, car sticker, child, dealing, driver, drivers, humor, know, parenting, putting, right, road, road safety, safety, sticker, traffic, vehicle, wheel
Think about how many more lovers you’d have if a cross country high-speed rail existed. That’s what they are taking away from you.

0

2 months ago

activity, away, country, cross, cross country, dating, existed, fun, fun activity, high-speed, high-speed rail, lovers, opportunity, rail, relationships, think, transportation, travel

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

65 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Fitness influencer: It’s important to listen to your body. Body: You’re old. And you want lasagna.

67 shares on Pinterest this month:

Incredibly annoying that exercising, eating right, and drinking water can make you actually feel good.

72 shares on Threads this month:

My wife is refusing to bring me a beer. That’s it, gonna text her and say “I cannot believe how lazy you are”.

88 shares on Threads this month:

Please stop assuming that too many em dashes mean AI written. Some of us are producing grammatically incoherent work the honest way!

21 shares on X this month:

If porn damages your brain, and writing develops your brain, does writing porn even it out?

28 shares on Discord this month:

Taylor Swift should write a song about when your sleeves keep rolling down every time you wash the dishes.

69 shares on Discord this month:

Once you realize that no one really cares how you’re doing, it becomes much easier to answer the question.

45 shares on Facebook this month:

There’s not gonna be a civil war. None of us can afford to take that much time off work.

28 shares on Messenger this month:

When I was a young boy, the doctor told me I had a lazy eye. By the time I was 50, it had spread to the rest of my body.

98 shares on Reddit this month:

Be the reason why a count unleashes ancient horrors onto the world when he thinks of you.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

This alien invasion could have been an email.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

You want me to turn around? The thing that led to a total eclipse of the heart.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Betrayal is when you’re holding a baby, and they put their arms out for someone else.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

I’ve reached the age where people talk loudly and slowly to me.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

My running speed is very slow because the Discman wasn’t allowed to shake in the past.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Everyone hates on Gollum but he had the right idea: become a hermit, collect jewels, swim naked in lakes and pools, occasionally hiss at people who try to make you go places.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

Old Spice doesn’t sound like something you wanna smell.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

When a man likes you, he talks to you every day, and apparently, when you start to like him back, he is very busy and can’t talk at all. That’s how it works.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

“Work smarter, not harder.” Brother, I’m not doing either of those things.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

My phone went from fully charged to 10% while I was sleeping, so I guess it leads a more exciting nightlife than I do.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on YouTube:

This economy requires two hustlers working together – not a hustler and a leech. It’s too expensive to be out here carrying dead weight.

Going viral on Discord:

Not to brag, but I don’t fight with people on the internet.

Making waves on Instagram:

Having long hair as a guy is so scary because some days I look like the charming lead of a classic film from the 80s, and other days I look like a Discord mod that runs his Magic: The Gathering group like the Navy.

Going viral on Twitch:

I’m afraid that AI will quickly realize that the biggest problem on Earth is humans – and then solve the problem.

Going viral on WeChat:

I only obey the traffic rules to get on other peoples’ nerves.

Making waves on Messenger:

I’m pretty sure by now that we’re some kind of satire channel on some other planet.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Today is the Mondayest Thursday that has ever been mistaken for a Friday in the history of Wednesdays.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I asked myself if I was the problem and we said no.

Just shared via Pinterest:

After Michael Jordan joined a religious order, he was known as Air Friar.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My superpower is keeping this couch cushion warm.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Just because I’m friendly doesn’t mean I like you. It just means that I’m not rude.

Tons of names in my phones are “Kenny Landlord,” “Mike Electric,” or “Pete Do Not Answer,” and I just realized this is how Anglo surnames have always worked.

I be having full arguments in my head, then walk around mad like someone actually said something to me.

I get it dogs, I wish I could also bark at strangers approaching my house.

Putting a baby on board sticker on my car because other drivers have a right to know who they’re dealing with behind the wheel.

Think about how many more lovers you’d have if a cross country high-speed rail existed. That’s what they are taking away from you.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨