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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

My friend’s kid asked me if I had any games on phone so I let her text my ex.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

My comments on your home decor are not criticisms, they are deep concerns.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

Gay? We don’t use that word anymore. Person of rainbow.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Most venomous snakes just make “Tsssss”. But I know some that say “Hi”.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

Banana boats are powered by bananas. Everyone knows this.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

I wear a lot of clothes for someone who hates doing laundry.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

My biggest motivation for getting out of bed in the morning is knowing that I will eventually be able to get back in the bed.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

I can relate to America, because I too am about to enter a depression.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

And then the vodka whispered, “Say what you really think.”

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Having teens is fun because they demand their independence but then turn right around and ask you for $20.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

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15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,568

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

Ever since I turned 20, someone is always in Japan or Italy. Is it like this forever?

Just shared via Twitch:

Haunted house idea: a poorly lit Walmart littered with people you haven’t seen since high school.

Seen just now on TikTok:

There is still plenty of room in my heart, but the bouncer has become a little stricter in recent years.

Going viral on Discord:

The difference between a biography and an autobiography is self-explanatory.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Been telling everyone, “It’s been a good year for horses.” No idea whether that’s true or not, but they keep nodding like it makes a lot of sense.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I’m actually breaking generational curses by surviving my 20s without marrying a man who hates me.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Outlook just asked me if I’m “enjoying” Microsoft Outlook. As if it’s not the Torment Portal.

Making waves on Telegram:

Don’t you hate it when you lose things? Like the motivation to do anything.

Making waves on YouTube:

I like when games that have no need for a jump button have a jump button.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

I tried meowing back at the cat to show him I was making an effort, but he just switched to English.

My superpower is keeping this couch cushion warm.

3 weeks ago

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Master of the Couch Chronicles: Rise of the Cushion Warmer! 🛋️🔥🍕

couch, cushion, humor, keeping, laziness, relaxation, superpower, warm

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Social Media Stars ⭐

33 shares on Twitch this month:

Who wants to do all my adult stuff for me today?

87 shares on Discord this month:

Asking for a donation like Wikipedia every time someone asks me a question.

90 shares on Discord this month:

My friend says to me, “What rhymes with orange?” And I told him, “No, it doesn’t.”

94 shares on Twitch this month:

Instead of meeting any new people, I would much rather un-meet the ones I already know.

70 shares on Slack this month:

Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.

25 shares on Snapchat this month:

Doing dry January, so I’ve had eleven Diet Cokes at this bar.

96 shares on WeChat this month:

I love when I come home, I put on my Adam Sandler clothes.

84 shares on X this month:

I don’t need to grow a thick skin. The world needs to grow fewer thorns.

12 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I think my phone is broken. I pressed the home button, but I’m still at work.

32 shares on WhatsApp this month:

People be like “bear with me” and they don’t even have a bear with them.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Since I stopped texting first, I haven’t heard from a lot of people in a while.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

The trouble with living alone is that it’s always my turn to do the dishes.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

I bought a 12 year old whiskey. His parents are furious.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

I mean, sex is all right, but have you ever experienced the sheer sensuality of having rock-solid proof that a problem at work was someone else’s fault, even though it really, really looked like it was yours?

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

Apparently you’re not supposed to announce that there’s been a death in the family every time you kill a houseplant.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

No, I mean, it’s great toast. I just didn’t expect it to be French.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

If you are influenced by influencers, you’re beyond retarded.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

Tired of my landlord depending on my rent. Bro, get a job.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

If I got a Dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Can we not just call it Zealand now?

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

My hair dryer is so powerful that it doubles as my leaf blower.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Being an adult is realizing $1000 is little money to have, but a lot to owe.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Autumn at last. Sitting on the sofa all day with a blanket and tea and watching movies. Just like in summer, but with a blanket and tea.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Caught my husband staring at me again. He’s probably weighing his pros and cons.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

My mother still has some really ugly things from the 90s. My older brother, for example.

Making waves on Pinterest:

No one talks about the horrific event of meeting someone who is exactly your type.

Going viral on WeChat:

Cicadas are all like, “Y’all mind if I scream?”

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Going to a concert with a tomato in each hand just to make the band nervous.

Live now on Facebook:

I don’t argue with idiots on the Internet, I just keep scrolling and mind my own business.

Just shared via WeChat:

My role at Thanksgiving dinner is to Blair Witch it alone in the corner.

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Activity Log ✨

My superpower is keeping this couch cushion warm.

I wish more dumb people were shy.

Wait, some of you are actually seeing for free? No glasses, no contacts? Wow!

That annoying moment when you’re texting someone and autocorrect decides to join the conversation.

I have a condition where if I don’t walk as fast as humanly possible wherever I go, I will die. I’m like the bus in Speed.

Where do cicadas go when they’re not screaming? I’d like to go there and scream.

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My superpower is keeping this couch cushion warm.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I wish more dumb people were shy.

Wait, some of you are actually seeing for free? No glasses, no contacts? Wow!

That annoying moment when you’re texting someone and autocorrect decides to join the conversation.

There is a grave concern that this post will produce zero likes.

I have a condition where if I don’t walk as fast as humanly possible wherever I go, I will die. I’m like the bus in Speed.

Where do cicadas go when they’re not screaming? I’d like to go there and scream.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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