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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

Be the reason why a count unleashes ancient horrors onto the world when he thinks of you.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

One time, when I was a kid, I fell off my bike and hit my head so hard, I was briefly able to communicate with bees.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

My kids are smart but sometimes they say dumb stuff like, “Mom, why do you always buy Snickers when you’re the only one who likes them?”

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

The days will soon be shorter again. Then it won’t rain for so long.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

Never go to bed angry. Stay up and finish the argument like an adult.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

I’m not sure how long my body can handle this “getting out of bed early in the morning” nonsense.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

I’m looking forward to tomorrow. It’ll be much like today, but different enough to confuse me.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Everybody is fighting a battle that you don’t know about, because of the first rule of Fight Club.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Notice how you don’t catch me in public, it’s because i’m not real.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Can I come over and shed hair everywhere?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

809 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,971

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,971

6 minutes ago

3,436

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

Much of my algorithm is based on when I paused while scrolling to grab a snack.

Just shared via Slack:

If you would like to get an idea of what an exorcism is like, try putting clothes on a toddler.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Don’t blame the holidays, you were already overweight in August.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Dance like China isn’t watching.

Trending via Telegram:

It’s way too easy to lie online. I was just telling Beyoncé about that the other day.

Freshly posted on Discord:

The human brain is great. It works from the second you are born and stops as soon as you start liking someone.

Spotted on Snapchat:

May her tire get flat with a dude who can’t change it.

Just shared via Slack:

I have entirely too many new bruises for someone who isn’t getting laid.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Going back on a dating app is the new walk of shame.

Trending via Threads:

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren’t happy.

Home » Funny Couch Quotes

40 Funny couch quotes

Funny couch quotes bring a playful twist to the comfort of your favorite piece of furniture! 🛋️😂 From witty remarks about lounging and relaxation to humorous takes on couch habits, these quotes capture the lighter side of enjoying your cozy spot. Enjoy a laugh and embrace the fun in your couch adventures! 😄🍿

New funny couch quotes 👇

3 hours ago
Share →: I finally figured out my lifelong dream of becoming a human blanket, but my friends still call it napping on their couch.

Commentary:
Dreams really do come true; too bad my friends won't pay me for my professional couch-warming services! 🛋️😴🔥
4 days ago
Share →: Imagine you blocked me, and I crawled out from under your couch to ask why.

Commentary:
That's one way to handle tough conversations—From couch potato to confrontation! 😂🛋️👻
1 week ago
Share →: Welcome to your 50s… you can now fall asleep sitting up on the couch at any given moment.

Commentary:
Nap mode activated: unlocking the secret art of power napping! 😴🛋️✨
1 week ago
Share →: We all have that person who insists on using a blanket on the couch, no matter the weather.

Commentary:
"When you're so committed to being cozy, you put the weather on mute! 😂🛋️🌞 #BlanketLife"
1 week ago
Share →: I don’t run from my problems. I sit on my couch, play on my phone, and ignore them like all other adults.

Commentary:
"Finally, a workout routine I can stick to! 🛋️📱💤 #ProcrastinationChampion"
2 weeks ago
Share →: “You’re an athlete,” I whisper to myself, as I begin my third attempt to get out of the couch.

Commentary:
"When getting off the couch feels like an Olympic sport, but your medal is just chips! 🥇🍟 #Couchlete"
4 weeks ago
Share →: Let’s lay on the couch together, play on our phones, and ignore each other, babe.

Commentary:
"Couples who scroll together, roll together! 📱❤️ #RelationshipGoals 😂"
1 month ago
Share →: Can’t wait for the day off from work so I can sit on the couch at home and stare at the TV screen while thinking about work.

Commentary:
"When you finally get a day off, and your couch turns into your office 🤦‍♂️📺 #WorkaholicLife"
1 month ago
Share →: Judging by the hair on my couch, I’m surprised I have any cat left at all.

Commentary:
"🤣 My cat is clearly auditioning to be my couch's new cover designer! 🐱🛋️✨"
2 months ago
Share →: The struggle to get off the couch and into bed is real.

Commentary:
"Adulting level 9000: couch to bed marathon! 🛋️🏃‍♂️🛏️ #CouchPotatoOlympics"

For even more funny couch quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny couch quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

809 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,971

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,971

6 minutes ago

3,442

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

If you’re having trouble finding the match to one of your socks, throw it away and the missing one will immediately show up. Follow me for more life hacks.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

They should name a personality disorder after me.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

The difference between a songbird and a hummingbird is that one of them knows the lyrics.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Accidentally falling asleep is always the best sleep — and that’s so irritating.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

Every homemade dinner counts as negative calories because of the exercise we get waving pillows at the smoke detectors.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

Every day when I get home, I thank my cats for allowing me to live in their house.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

My nutritionist told me wine doesn’t count as a fruit source so now I need to find a different nutritionist.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

Work again? Really? Didn’t I just do that yesterday?

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

Some people get a bit strange as they get older. Not me. I’ve always been like that!

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

I just finished cleaning the house for Thanksgiving, so if you’re looking for my family they’ll be in the backyard until Thursday.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Get a puppy if you are in the market for a best friend who gets you up early so she can bite you excitedly.

Spotted on Telegram:

Congratulations on angrily speeding past me to get to the red light first. You’re special.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I’ve mastered farting, and it be loud and quick, but the key is don’t make a face or look around, so people can’t pinpoint it to you. Just act natural.

Reported on Messenger:

“Got milk?” Buddy, I don’t even have self-esteem.

Trending via LinkedIn:

My superpower? Staying calm when talking to idiots.

Freshly posted on X:

May he drop his phone on his face while he’s texting other girls.

Seen just now on Twitch:

In my defense, they burned my grilled cheese sandwich.

Breaking via Slack:

Scientists say humans are the most evolved, but bears get to get fat all summer and then sleep for four months, so who’s really ahead.

Seen just now on X:

Someone was saying that social media makes you miss out on your real life, but have you seen real life?

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