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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

Are you my pinky toe, because I will bang you on all my furniture.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

You gotta separate the art from the artist. Like, for example, sometimes the artist is really nice but their art sucks.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

80 years ago we would have all been institutionalized and I think that’s beautiful.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

If you go by “Toni,” I always think your full name is Rigatoni.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

She was rare, like a shopping cart at the grocery without a wobbly wheel.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Avoid calls from pesky bill collectors by not paying your phone bill.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

There are 8 billion people in the world and I only have 3 friends, and one is annoying.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

Going to have a hobbit boi summer (throw a huge birthday party for myself, then mysteriously vanish right after insulting everyone).

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

That awkward moment when you try something on in a shop but you don’t know if you can get it off again.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

My age is news to me every single time I remember.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,738

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Make sure you bury me near a bathroom because death is long, and I’m sure I’ll still have to get up and pee.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to run my brain through the dishwasher.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Had salad for the third night in a row and now I get why you’re so angry, vegans.

Live now on Instagram:

These people act like they’ve never seen anyone wearing a Speedo in a laundromat before.

Shared recently on Slack:

In retrospect, I guess “one drunken night of stupidity” isn’t the best response when a child asks you where babies come from.

Just shared via Discord:

In a room full of art, I’d still stare at you.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Rather than touching grass, I recommend going to a concert and experiencing the live performance of that one song you hold religiously close to your heart.

Just shared via X:

Shout out to all the experts on the web who know everything there is to know about absolutely everything.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I suck at flirting, I end up arguing with them instead.

Going bananas on Threads:

I bet she doesn’t even laugh at your dumb jokes the fake way I did.

Never underestimate my ability to fall asleep in a moving vehicle.

14 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous text highlighting a knack for dozing off in transit, playful and relatable.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs a lullaby when you have a car ride? 😴🚗 Sweet dreams guaranteed, destination: Dreamland! 🌙✨ #SleepyHeadInMotion"

ability, asleep, fall, humor, moving, nap, never, sleep, travel, underestimate, vehicle

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Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on Discord this month:

My kids think I’m going to miss them when they leave for college, but I’ll be busy drinking my coffee while it’s still hot.

92 shares on Messenger this month:

If I were Noah, I’d bring three of every animal just to create some drama.

95 shares on Discord this month:

I used to look for monsters under the bed. Today I know they are behind some people’s fake smiles.

41 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The older I get, the more I start to understand the appeal of birdwatching as a hobby. I do find myself watching these little troublemakers quite often.

26 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m trying to cut back on how much sense I make.

21 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“NOT dishwasher safe!” You’ll be okay, buddy, just do your best in there.

59 shares on Twitch this month:

I love you to the refrigerator and back.

39 shares on LinkedIn this month:

There’s no filter on my pics or my thoughts. I’m just out here raw-dogging it.

37 shares on Telegram this month:

The only way to my heart is with a knife.

59 shares on Threads this month:

Literally no one understands something more completely than a woman in a meeting who starts a question with “Just so I understand …”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Being an iPad baby must be so exciting. Imagine going from nine dull months in the womb to playing Candy Crush.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

British people never go downstairs; they just jump out of a window and open an umbrella like Mary Poppins.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

The only exercise I’ve done this month is running… out of money!

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

Nothing worse than realising you vented to the wrong person.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

No, they’re not “symptoms of depressions.” They’re Blue’s Clues.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Do you laugh at your own jokes, or are you emotionally stable?

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

I can show you the stars, we just have to stand up really fast.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

If you think my posts are horrid, wait until you see the live stream of my colonoscopy.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Life hack: give yourself 8 to 12 hours of alone time in the morning to mentally prepare for the day.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

A dating app for people who suck at flirting called Fumble.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Telegram:

Using my one phone call to call Santa.

Just landed via Discord:

It’s a beautiful day to ignore your existing problems and create new ones.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Sometimes you show up to work, and they just torture you for hours.

Just shared via Twitch:

Whoever thinks money doesn’t buy happiness can deposit it in my bank account.

Going viral on Reddit:

Accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to pull my blanket up, and if that doesn’t accurately describe my life, I don’t know what does.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Texas Chain Saw Massacre is full of plot holes. What happens to the victims when they die? Is there an afterlife?

Going bananas on Messenger:

You ever spend the day with a skinny person and are like “ohhhh, that’s why you’re skinny”.

Making waves on Facebook:

“Apple Music has better sound quality!” Okay, but my entire life is on Spotify, my playlists are my children.

Making waves on Discord:

The best weight you’ll ever lose is the weight of other people’s opinions.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

This year for Thanksgiving, I’ll probably bring what I brought last year… shame upon the family.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Never underestimate my ability to fall asleep in a moving vehicle.

Reading is a gateway drug to being less stupid.

Anyone who thinks office jobs are harmless has never cut their finger on paper.

Thinking about ignoring daily mess by creating new holiday decor mess.

Spongebob wouldn’t even mess with some of y’all. But he’d hang out with me because my heart is pure, and I like to laugh a lot.

Wearing expensive perfume to work feels like such a waste. This should be under someone’s full body weight, not in a corporate setting.

Everyone’s a gangster until their doorbell rings.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Never underestimate my ability to fall asleep in a moving vehicle.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Reading is a gateway drug to being less stupid.

Anyone who thinks office jobs are harmless has never cut their finger on paper.

Thinking about ignoring daily mess by creating new holiday decor mess.

Spongebob wouldn’t even mess with some of y’all. But he’d hang out with me because my heart is pure, and I like to laugh a lot.

Wearing expensive perfume to work feels like such a waste. This should be under someone’s full body weight, not in a corporate setting.

Everyone’s a gangster until their doorbell rings.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨