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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

It’s hard to believe that this long, crazy election will finally be over in a few months.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

Parents be like, “I gave you everything I had,” and by everything, they meant the collector’s edition boxed set of mental illness.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

People who lie all the time really think that we don’t know.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Adulthood is just waking up tired one day, and then being tired forever after that.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

If you can’t say anything nice, say something funny.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

If you pass out in front of your kids they will either try to call an ambulance or use you as a trampoline. You just don’t know.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Nothing is worse than seeing a gorgeous girl that I’d never approach or stand a chance with and then finding out she has a boyfriend.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

I am not old. I am in the prime of my decay.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

My fight or flight response has frequent flyer miles.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

I’m not like other teenagers, I’m 51.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,382

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Be gentle with me, I’m from the 1900s.

Going viral on Facebook:

If we’re not supposed to be snacking late at night why is there a light in the fridge?

Just landed via Discord:

I will restart the entire song if you talk over my favorite part.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Good morning, may your coffee be strong and your boss not weird today.

Trending via Threads:

January: the Monday of months.

Breaking via Discord:

Maybe her DMs haven’t been working for 2 months.

Just shared via WeChat:

You can just enjoy kombucha. You don’t need to go on a tirade about cleansing your gut.

Spotted on Messenger:

Twitter when Franz Ferdinand got shot would have been the best day ever.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I have a condition where if I don’t walk as fast as humanly possible wherever I go, I will die. I’m like the bus in Speed.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I always do my best sleeping in the 10 minutes before my alarm goes off.

No amount of evidence will ever persuade an idiot.

16 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous quote about stubbornness and reasoning, with a playful, witty tone.

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Commentary:
Trying to change an idiot's mind is like trying to teach a cat to bark! 🐱🙉

amount, ever, evidence, humor, idiot, persuade, persuasion, sarcasm, stubbornness

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29 shares on Facebook this month:

One day my sanity went out for smokes and never came back.

40 shares on WhatsApp this month:

There is no sex. I lied. You are gonna lay here and take personality quizzes with me.

94 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When someone tells me “They could care less”, instead of the proper “I couldn’t care less”, I always say “At least you care.”

68 shares on Reddit this month:

9-5 is really 10-2 if you’re working remote.

44 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Don’t let the British accent fool you. I’m not saying anything smart.

55 shares on TikTok this month:

The haters said I couldn’t do it. And they were correct. Honestly, great call from the haters.

89 shares on Twitch this month:

Help, I accidentally used dark humor with normal people, and now they’re concerned for my mental health.

18 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You tell people you’re not trying to drink and they act like you just turned down 100k.

66 shares on TikTok this month:

I like how “energy bars” are really just candy bars, and we all pretend to not notice.

56 shares on WhatsApp this month:

It’s always “your monthly bill is available,” never “this month is on us.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

At my age I don’t sleep, I nap between pee breaks.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

The only men you can trust is ramen.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

I woke up deciding to incorporate the parkour lifestyle into my daily life then reconsidered as I fell over again putting my jeans on.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

Caught a belt loop on a door handle and got yanked back with such force that my audio is no longer in sync with my actions.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

I don’t wanna meet your family, bring my plate to the car.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

I wonder if people that fall asleep right away know that we hate them.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

Going to a concert with a tomato in each hand just to make the band nervous.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

The bank just called and gave me the biggest compliment, said my balance is outstanding. I really needed that today.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

“Don’t take this the wrong way!” Translation: Prepare for insult.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

The three people who like every single one of my posts are going in my will.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

A fun wedding bit is to sit next to a random guest, point to the bride or groom & whisper, “it should’ve been you”

Making waves on TikTok:

I hate it when you ask what you thought was a simple question in a meeting at work, and it turns into another meeting.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Twitter is cool because you can figure out what’s going on in the world through memes instead of watching the news.

Making waves on TikTok:

Sometimes I don’t worry about things at all and other times I am awake.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Milk teeth are wasted on children. A new set of teeth would be a lot more useful when you’re older.

Spotted on Slack:

Turns out, sitting on the porch, feeding birds and squirrels, is a pretty good treatment for depression.

Just landed via WeChat:

The word “ugly” cannot be used on women, I’m sorry. Women just can’t be ugly, that’s a boy thing.

Making waves on YouTube:

If I delete a tweet, I should disappear with it.

Breaking via X:

Coffee ain’t cutting it anymore. I need to eat batteries.

Going viral on Messenger:

Please just wait until my mating ritual is over before you decide.

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Activity Log ✨

No amount of evidence will ever persuade an idiot.

I don’t need to touch grass, I need to touch one million dollars cash.

Welcome to your 40s. You’re home from the party before you used to go out for the party in your 20s.

So annoying when your family knocks on the toilet door and asks what you’re doing. I’m baking a cake. HBU?

Everyone is awful in their own special way.

No one told me adulthood would require this much multi-factor authentication.

Spider-Man, but set in rural England so he just has to walk everywhere.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

No amount of evidence will ever persuade an idiot.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I don’t need to touch grass, I need to touch one million dollars cash.

Welcome to your 40s. You’re home from the party before you used to go out for the party in your 20s.

So annoying when your family knocks on the toilet door and asks what you’re doing. I’m baking a cake. HBU?

Everyone is awful in their own special way.

No one told me adulthood would require this much multi-factor authentication.

Spider-Man, but set in rural England so he just has to walk everywhere.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨