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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

If you’re not in my circle of trust, you’re probably in my triangle of suspicion or rhombus of doubt.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

My back and I are definitely not the same age.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

It’s so funny how you can meet someone randomly online, and they become such an important part of your life. It’d be nicer if they lived closer, though.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

Today is one of those days where I have to remind myself that you’re not allowed to strangle people.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

I am not old. I am in the prime of my decay.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

Don’t break someone’s heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206 of them.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

You should tell different people completely different things about yourself so that they then get into arguments when gossiping about you.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

Parents be like “Boys are easier,” and then their daughter has to save the family from ruin.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

I’ve faced more peer pressure to watch certain TV shows than to do drugs.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

Just peed so much that a little laugh came out.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,713

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

Hey, sorry I acted weird the other day. I was trying so hard to act normal that it backfired.

Making waves on YouTube:

If I text you at 8:10, you’re supposed to reply at 8:09.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I think I’m about six months away from the perfect ‘before’ picture.

Shared recently on Slack:

The audacity of my parents’ oldies station now playing 80s music.

Seen just now on Threads:

Guys only want one thing and it’s my grandmother’s meatball recipe.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted without gaining weight. Now I pick up a fork and gain seven pounds.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I’ve been blocked by better.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I’ll be like “I’m fine” then shake my leg at 150 mph.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

“Follow your heart,” as advice, is sort of like “abandon yourself to cognitive bias.”

Freshly posted on YouTube:

My husband said we need to start exercising and get into shape, so I’m going to wake up early tomorrow and start looking for a new husband.

Once you’ve been single for a long time, you realize how exhausting relationships can be.

0
Once you’ve been single for a long time, you realize how exhausting relationships can be.
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Commentary:
"Being single is like having a secret superpower – the ability to binge-watch Netflix in peace and never worry about anyone judging your late-night snack choices 🍕💪 Who needs a relationship when you can have pizza and freedom all to yourself? 🍕❤️ #SingleLifeGoals"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on X this month:

Parenting a teenager is surreal because you’ll be sitting there, and some dude who is much taller than you will walk around the corner and ask you how to open a popcorn bag.

68 shares on X this month:

When a girl says “5 mins,” think about it like five minutes left in the 4th quarter, and both teams have all their timeouts.

77 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Showers are the best places to lose arguments with yourself.

33 shares on Messenger this month:

Roses are red. I’m going to bed.

38 shares on Instagram this month:

Just done a HIIT workout and if anyone sees me trying to do that again just go ahead and hiit me in the face.

83 shares on Telegram this month:

Having hoes in different area codes sounds really exhausting.

48 shares on X this month:

I’m not saying I need glasses. But today I watched a bunny in a meadow until it flew away.

92 shares on Reddit this month:

I spend half the day wondering if it’s too late for coffee and the other half wondering if it’s too early for alcohol.

32 shares on Twitch this month:

Brother: What are you bringing to Thanksgiving dinner? Me: Wine and unresolved issues. They pair nicely.

62 shares on TikTok this month:

Cheating on a partner should affect your credit score.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

The more water you drink, the more bathroom breaks, the less you work. Stay hydrated.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m doing pretty good for someone who rarely has a clue.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

The worst part about being in your 40s is the 10 years of listening to people say, “Wait till you’re 50.”

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish I had the confidence of someone who would let themselves be tattooed in a place they can’t see.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to my very loose interpretation of ‘functioning adult’.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

There are two types of people in politics. Avoid them.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Who decided that skeletons are scary? Because honestly, I’d be more scared if the muscular system suddenly walked into my room.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m at an age where, when I’m tying my shoes, I think about what else I can do while I’m down here.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Long distance relationships can work if the four of you all truly trust each other.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

My kids acting shocked there’s ants in my car like they’re not Hansel and Gretel leaving bloody crumb trails.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,393

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

The real reason for global warming is that today’s young people are nowhere near as cool as we were back then.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

Have you ever been so hungry but had no food in the house, so you took a nap instead?

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Do we barbecue with women or without salad?

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

Wanna worship each other until the end of all things?

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

On the internet it’s super easy to take credit for stuff you had nothing to do with. That’s why I invented it.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

If an ice cream truck has its music on, are you supposed to pull over and let it pass like an ambulance?

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Everyone’s a gangster until their doorbell rings.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

I have 206 bones, 650 muscles and 50 billion cells in my body. It takes time to wake up all of them up in the morning.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

They should make the last foot of dental floss red so you know when you’re about to run out.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

My biggest motivation for getting out of bed in the morning is knowing that I will eventually be able to get back in the bed.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Reddit:

If you haven’t tried blindfold archery, you should give it a go. You don’t know what you’re missing.

Live now on YouTube:

My husband loves it when he orders fries, I say I don’t want any, and then I swoop in on his like a seagull at the beach.

Going viral on Twitch:

Growing up, there was a Cody in every elementary school class, but as an adult, I haven’t met a Cody in years. Where did they go?

Just landed via Discord:

The art of staying somewhat sane in an insane world.

Trending via WeChat:

A girl can casually just say something, and you already know you’re not going to date or marry her.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Once my school teacher lectured me for unacceptable behavior. That’s 30 mins of sleep I am never getting back

Trending via Slack:

I’m the guy at Apple who makes sure all your featured photos are your exes and your dog that died.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I caught your husband cheating on you at an Alanis concert, and thought you, you, you oughta know.

Spreading quickly via X:

Got too drunk in the Vietnamese restaurant last night, they said I can never go back. They banh mi.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

It takes guts to be an organ donor.

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