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Funny Quotes Data šŸ¤“

New funny quotes: 8608 this month

15,818 funny quotes and pics

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Updated: May 24, 2026

 

 

 

 

112 Funny once quotes

Funny once quotes šŸ˜‚ are like little nuggets of humor that catch you off guard and leave you chuckling! From unexpected wisdom to silly observations, these one-liners are perfect for brightening your day 🌟. Whether you’re sharing them at a party or scrolling through a dreary Monday, they promise to deliver a hearty laugh 🄳. Dive into the world of hilarity and discover why these quotes are the ultimate mood boosters! šŸ˜„

You don’t scare me, I was married once.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

College is not even mentioned once in the Bible. Somebody get me outta here.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Met a microbiologist once. They’re a lot bigger than I imagined.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

So many spreadsheets and not once did I feel excelled.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Once I shot a man with a paintball gun, just to watch him dye.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I’m still annoyed that you can catch Covid more than once. I can’t explain why, but it feels kind of rude.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

My dad once sneezed so hard that he set every clock back two hours.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Once you’ve been single for a long time, you realize how exhausting relationships can be.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Some people can start a task and then just finish it instead of trying to do a hundred things at once, like a squirrel on crack.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

And once again my day begins without a red carpet! Guys, I’m really disappointed in you.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I bet once Bigfoot tries cheeseburgers, he’s gonna wanna hangout with us all the time.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Once again, I have fallen for life’s biggest scam: being two hours early for a flight only for security to take roughly seven minutes.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Once married, the woman takes over the entire closet and the man stores everything he owns in his left cargo pocket.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own stuff.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

The horror of being warned that the person you’re about to meet is ā€œfine once you get to know themā€.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I used to think adulthood was one crisis after another. I was wrong. Multiple crises. Concurrently. All at once. All the time. Forever.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Remembering my youth, and a time where I could breath out of more than one nostril at once.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Men: Masters of multitasking – can watch sports, ignore laundry, and forget your birthday, all at once.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I once made the irresponsible decision to drink and drive and now I have to live the rest of my days with a coffee stain on my favorite sweater.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Just once I’d like my dog to give me a treat.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

We’ve all at least once caught our toes when putting on our knickers and jumped around the room like idiots.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I did vote once but only because I thought the line was to a buffet.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Just once I wanna slide down a dinosaur at the end of my workday, is that too much to ask for?

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Don’t rub your happiness in people’s faces this Valentine’s Day. Let the couples enjoy themselves for once.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

What can I buy my wife for Valentine’s Day that finally proves to her once and for all that I have absolutely no idea what she likes or who she is?

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I once broke up with a guy because he ate half my french fries, and when I get really lonely, I still think about those french fries.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

According to “The Hobbit”, Gollum was once a handsome young man who was robbed of his youth, zest for life and energy by putting on a ring. Men, think about it!

Posted onMay 22, 2026

My life is constantly oscillating between “must save money” and “you only live once”.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Hello bedtime my old friend, my brain is laughing once again.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Once when I was exercising, I realized that I was allergic to it. I was out of breath, sweating and my heart was racing.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Next time I feel incompetent at my job, I hope I remember that someone once pushed a live software update that crashed half the planet.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

The breathing exercises from the birth preparation course are only needed once the child has reached puberty.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I like that blood pressure kits come with a free, handy zip-up bag that your stuff will never fit in again once you take it out.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

The good news: once you get a PhD, friends and family will refer to you as doctor. The bad news: They will only do it when you’re wrong.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m never sending you nudes again.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

For as long as that song was, you’d think the Ghost Busters would have mentioned their phone number at least once.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

All mushrooms are edible. Some only once.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

The urge to buy people gifts they’ve mentioned they liked once.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

The subtle art of letting yourself go crazy once in a while.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice? Also shame on you. Stop foolin’ me, I am pure.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

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