Please have a seat and witness my self-destruction firsthand. Posted onMay 19, 2026 by slickboy in Funny Quotes 💾 Save Image Commentary:Buckle up for the emotional rollercoaster! 🎢🍿😅 Related funny posts 🤝 I wrote a book. It’s a murder mystery. You’re in it but only for the first couple of chapters. Twitter actually is my diary, so you’re not allowed to get mad at the things I post. You’re not even supposed to be reading this. Why were you going through my stuff? It’s only 9am and I’ve already ruined my son’s entire life by giving him the banana with the brown spot on it. I forgot to turn my clocks back and, oh my God, you guys are not going to believe the stuff that happens in the next hour. Just went to the Oreo website and hit “accept all cookies” … and now we wait.