Rapunzel, let down your CVS receipt!

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My goal is to do one thing each day that could prevent me from being elected to political office.

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YOLO because stupid people don’t know what Carpe Diem means.

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If you don’t have a favorite spatula yet, you still have some growing up to do.

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The only thing I gained so far this year is weight.

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Nobody gets angrier than a man being accused of something he actually did.

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Reading is a gateway drug to being less stupid.

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Apologies for the late response, instead of spending three minutes answering your email, I ignored it and felt anxious for two weeks.