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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Shark tooth necklaces are the perfect accessory if you want to look tough but also tell the world, “I’ve been to a gift shop.”

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Flirting when bored can really get you into some unwanted situations.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

Trying to squeeze in more nothingness today, but my schedule is already packed with procrastination!

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

The agony of thinking you’re finished doing the dishes, only to turn around and, to your horror, the pot.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

I don’t mean to brag, but I can forget what I’m saying while I’m saying it.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

The good news is that I’ve been finding new ways to waste my time.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

We’ve historically done extremely well with regime change, so this should be a piece of cake.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

Not to brag but I always pick the slowest moving checkout line at the grocery store.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen what happens when they get elected.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

And is this “year-end bonus” in the room with us right now?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

220 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,489

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,489

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,350

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Twitch:

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, sleeping for work, getting ready for work, or thinking about work.

Trending via Threads:

If you want your kid to play with their toy just give it to your other kid. Follow me for more parenting hacks.

Just landed via Discord:

Please no requests for a threesome. If I want to disappoint two people at the same time, I’ll visit my parents.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Being sexy is just the cherry on top. I’m actually a genius and the sweetest girl ever.

Live now on LinkedIn:

“Can’t wait till I get older” was the dumbest thing I ever said.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I don’t hide from my problems, I just ignore them until they lose interest.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Of course women need more pockets, where are we supposed to hold all of our grudges?

Going viral on Telegram:

The nice thing about egotists is that they don’t talk about other people.

Spotted on Instagram:

One of the voices in my head brought up an excellent point, so obviously he had to go.

Spotted on Reddit:

I just want a man to look at me the way Doc from ‘Back to the Future’ looks when something exciting happens.

Santa punched a hole in my wall because I left him soy milk.

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Santa punched a hole in my wall because I left him soy milk.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Uh oh, looks like Santa traded his milk and cookies for a boxing glove this year! 🎅🥊 Who knew he could pack such a punch over a dietary preference? Next year, maybe leave out some extra sturdy wall repair kits just in case! 🔨😅

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on Slack this month:

The websites that let me check out as a guest are the real heroes.

74 shares on Discord this month:

I’m basically a taxi today for the kids and dogs.

53 shares on Telegram this month:

I really understand why boomers text with ellipses between everything… it feels so good…

37 shares on Messenger this month:

I will not accept a hint. I will act dumb until you say it clearly to me.

27 shares on Messenger this month:

Relationships are actually easy when you’re not dating a lying weirdo.

35 shares on YouTube this month:

Just so you know, it’s almost impossible to drink coffee while laying down.

30 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m basically the human version of tangled up Christmas lights.

87 shares on Facebook this month:

Sleeping nakey nakey nakey just in case Santa wants a different type of cookie tonight.

67 shares on Telegram this month:

Passwords are like underwear: You shouldn’t leave them out where people can see them, you should change them regularly, and you shouldn’t loan them out to strangers.

95 shares on Facebook this month:

My OnlyFans is just hours of me untangling Christmas lights.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Interesting people are my favorite endangered species.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

An alcoholic morning show host becoming Secretary of War is some Kurt Vonnegut shit.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly. Fly far, far away and also so I can poop on people.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

My father didn’t want kids, so he had two kids, which was the equivalent of zero kids at the time.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

An entire generation is currently studying for jobs that will not exist.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Can’t, I’m raging against the machine.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Being strange is exhausting.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario and how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal but had no milk, so I used ice cream.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Going to the bathroom at night with my flashlight on and a dog next to me feels like I’m gonna solve a mystery.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

People used to fly kites. Glad that’s over with.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

220 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,489

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,489

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,334

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

Please be nice to me. I’m in my twenties. Do you know what that does to a person?

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Oligarchy sounds like something you dip your breadstick in at the olive garden.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

It feels like it costs $100 a day just to exist anymore.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Coughing has finally overtaken speaking Arabic as the most taboo thing to do in an airport.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

Money can’t buy happiness, until you’re on vacation and then you realize it definitely can.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

Some of you need to be visited by the ghost of ‘Quit emailing me so much before Christmas.’

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

I hate when I change the battery in the bathroom scale, and it starts telling the truth again.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Recovering people pleasers will be like, “I’m in my villain era!” and it’s just politely drawing healthy boundaries.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

I don’t need all of these heat advisory warnings on my phone. I’ve been outside. I have skin. I know.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

I know everything is expensive right now, but just remember correcting people’s grammar online is still free.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Pinterest:

Sleeping in now means waking up without the alarm clock, but still at the same time.

Just shared via Facebook:

You know you got a bad haircut when she insists on giving you a $10 discount.

Spotted on Telegram:

The local casino is hosting a speed dating event. Just what every woman needs, a new boyfriend with a gambling problem.

Just landed via Slack:

I was disappointed to learn today that my request for a sabbatical was rejected. Apparently that’s “not how marriage works.”

Going viral on Slack:

When I’m president, everyone who listens to techno, house or rap will be allowed to drive a little faster than others.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.

Just shared via Pinterest:

“Fries or salad?” sums up every adult decision you have to make.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

There should be 1 day a month without commercials.

Making waves on TikTok:

If I’m reading my Twitter feed correctly, Jennifer Aniston killed JFK.

Just shared via Discord:

What would boomers do without their paper shredder?

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