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Normalize arguing with plants who refuse to stay alive.

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I only have one wish in lifeโ€ฆ For all my dreams to come true.

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My laptop is overheating because I am doing a really good job.

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Single by choice. Just not my choice.

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There are only two portion sizes for mashed potatoes: nowhere near enough (posh restaurants) or far, far too much (literally everyone else).

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Hairless cats look like the devil screwed up a possession.

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You’re either snacking with me or snacking against me.

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Horror movies have ruined the joy of skinny-dipping for me.

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Woke up and immediately broke my resolution to be less sexy this year.

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These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, Iโ€™m not gonna fight with you.

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Santa punched a hole in my wall because I left him soy milk.

Santa punched a hole in my wall because I left him soy milk.

Commentary:
Uh oh, looks like Santa traded his milk and cookies for a boxing glove this year! ๐ŸŽ…๐ŸฅŠ Who knew he could pack such a punch over a dietary preference? Next year, maybe leave out some extra sturdy wall repair kits just in case! ๐Ÿ”จ๐Ÿ˜…



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