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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

I’ve just told my doctor I have all the Monkey Pox symptoms. He asked me to swing by tomorrow.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

So I used to wonder about people that paid a fortune for those little bottles of Evian water, until I read it backwards.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

Welcome to Elephant in the Room club, no one talks about it.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Save money by accidentally forgetting your wallet at home. Follow me for more financial tips and tricks.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Women aren’t complicated. Just give us attention and leave us alone.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

“So, what are your hobbies?” Oh, I can’t afford any.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

Well, it took several decades, but I might have finally run out of things to say.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

Whenever I’m with real yappers, I realize I might actually be a listener.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

Parents saying “I know my child” will forever be the funniest joke.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

Born to be a hater but forced to understand where you’re coming from.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

241 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,510

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,510

Jan 7, 2026

3,609

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you’re drunk. Ducks don’t talk.

Making waves on WeChat:

Sorry, I can’t come. I’m still recovering from the last time I went out.

Making waves on Discord:

Apple want $3,500 for their Vision Pro. No thanks. I can look like a dork for free.

Just landed via Twitch:

A haunted house, but it’s just you inside your own head.

Just landed via Facebook:

Good morning, townsfolk. I’m here to slay the monsters.

Live now on Twitch:

God knew I would be too powerful if I had conversation skills.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

If I let you into my life, I am either emotionally invested or you are a grilled cheese sandwich.

Breaking via WeChat:

Saying “sounds good to me” in a meeting then quickly realizing a lot more was expected from you.

Going viral on X:

Of course your crush is going to leave their spouse for you. That’s how delusions work.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Cause of death: Trying to draw eyebrows on the neighbor’s cat.

Self-checkout is amazing for introverts until the machine breaks and two employees have to come fix it while you wait.

2 months ago

0

Self-checkout is amazing for introverts until the machine breaks and two employees have to come fix it while you wait.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the sweet promise of self-checkout: a chance for introverts to avoid small talk with cashiers… until the machine decides to rebel against its creators and bring attention to your existence 🤖🛠️ Cue the hilarious awkwardness and quietly panicked internal monologues! 😅 #IntrovertProblems

amazing, awkward, awkward situation, breaks, employees, fix, humor, introvert, machine, self-checkout, situation, technology, wait

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Just checked my bank account. Looks like everyone’s getting a hug for Christmas.

0

2 months ago

account, bank, bank account, Christmas, financial, financial struggle, getting, gift, holiday, holiday spirit, hug, humor, just, looks, money, spirit, struggle
Why can’t opportunity just come back later?

0

2 months ago

back, humor, just, later, life, opportunity, patience, timing
Forget being the bigger person, I’m going to just start barking at people.

0

2 months ago

barking, behavior, being, bigger, bigger person, forget, frustration, funny behavior, going, humor, just, people, person, reaction, start
I need someone to convince me into or out of buying a jetski. I can’t keep living in this purgatory.

0

2 months ago

activity, buying, choice, convince, decision, decision making, desire, fun, fun activity, humor, i, impulsive, indulgence, jetski, keep, life, life choice, living, making, me, need, recreational, someone, temptation
When I get bored on a Zoom meeting, I put a cursor under the speaker’s nose to make it look like they have a booger.

0

2 months ago

booger, bored, boredom, cursor, distraction, humor, i, joke, meeting, nose, office, office joke, playful, prank, put, speaker, tech, tech humor, under, virtual, virtual humor, Zoom, Zoom meeting
I was having a great Friday until I found out it was Thursday.

0

2 months ago

confusion, expectations, found, Friday, great, having, humor, i, irony, Thursday, time, week

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

86 shares on Instagram this month:

I don’t have gray hair, I have wisdom highlights.

37 shares on Slack this month:

I do not care how bad the relationship is, I am NOT calling a radio station for advice.

83 shares on Twitch this month:

Plants are like “I’ll have a light lunch.”

44 shares on YouTube this month:

Girls will be like “I have so much to do” then grab some snacks and start watching a 10 part docuseries on serial killers.

74 shares on Instagram this month:

Rather than touching grass, I recommend going to a concert and experiencing the live performance of that one song you hold religiously close to your heart.

90 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t always leave the house, but when I do, I shouldn’t.

97 shares on YouTube this month:

Doggy style means I get a treat afterwards, right?

17 shares on WhatsApp this month:

God, I wish I had enough money to discover it doesn’t make me happy.

52 shares on X this month:

Millennials are just 30-40-year-olds who look 20-30 years old and feel 80-90 years old.

36 shares on Pinterest this month:

You realize you’re getting old when your body parts start fighting over which one hurts first.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The only warning I take seriously these days is when my cell phone battery is low.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Going to a wedding really reminds me of the important things in life. Like cake.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I be butt naked, texting people, and they’ll never know.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Cartoons make it look like getting stabbed in the butt with a pitchfork would be no big deal, but I beg to differ.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Maybe Monday is more scared of us than we are of it… we don’t know.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

“It’s bikini season,” I whisper, eating another bikini.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

“Just be yourself”—that has gotten me mixed results in the past.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Girls Just Want To Have Naan

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Really looking forward to the day my teenager starts speaking English again.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

If a dog growled at me, I would try to understand where they’re coming from.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

241 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,510

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,510

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,534

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

I be like “communication is the key” then put my phone on do not disturb.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

I would never be comfortable delivering a baby. I can’t even remove an avocado pit without dropping it.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Studies show young people are having less sex than previous generations. I knew I was ahead of my time.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

Better to be an overthinker than an overdrinker.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

One of the worst ways to waste your youth is by being insecure.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

Of course I stay hydrated. Carbohydrated.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

It’s hard to believe that this long, crazy election will finally be over in a few months.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

My dog pisses on every election sign regardless of political party so I have no idea who he is voting for.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

What do you mean a baguette isn’t a female bag?

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Reading Shakespeare for the first time is crazy because you go, “Oh, that’s where that comes from,” every other page.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Jokes on you, unknown number. I barely answer my phone for people I know.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Getting the ick because he put the windshield wipers on at a higher rate than was needed.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Who called it an undertaker and not a host mortem?

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Hello, hi. Don’t invite me anywhere until next year. The money is finished. Regards.

Going bananas on Messenger:

I’ve reached a point in my life where if I can’t find parking, I’m just going to go home.

Shared recently on X:

Your suitcase just texted. It’s getting bored.

Breaking via WeChat:

It’s important to fuel your body with essential nutrients, which can be found in cookies, chips, and candy.

Trending via Facebook:

If you want to make God laugh, inhale some helium then tell Him your plans.

Trending via Telegram:

Trust my gut? The thing that makes weird gurgling noises immediately when a work meeting goes quiet.

Spotted on WeChat:

I hate hotel bath towels. So thick and fluffy, I can’t even close my suitcase.

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