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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

I knew the date was going well when we shared a glass of gravy with two straws.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

This year has gone by so quick. Christmas is basically tomorrow.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

That moment when a zombie out for brains walks past you.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

How lazy are you?” I greet people by raising my eyebrows.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

You’ll be fighting for your life financially and that’s when all your toiletries finish at the same time.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Better to be an overthinker than an overdrinker.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

“I’m like Sisyphus but with dishes. Dishyphus.”

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

If politicians can text my cell phone asking for money, I should be able to text them directly with policy suggestions.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

I’m glad it’s not snowing. I can’t imagine shoveling snow in this heat.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

What an awful time to be even remotely aware of what is going on in the world.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,233

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

Hello, my voicemail is currently unavailable. To leave a message please speak slowly and clearly into the nearest toaster.

Spotted on TikTok:

The Midwest urge to have a drink on a patio as soon as it’s nice out.

Just landed via Snapchat:

My daily exercise routine involves running late, jumping to conclusions and pushing my luck.

Just landed via Reddit:

I always sit in the middle stall so I have a bathroom buddy.

Trending via Telegram:

I refuse to go to a blood bank. I’m not taking your blood money.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

If you are influenced by influencers, you’re beyond retarded.

Going viral on Instagram:

I made up all these romantic scenarios in my brain and you’re not following the script.

Spotted on Slack:

I wonder how many people think, “What the hell?” after talking to me.

Spotted on Snapchat:

“What’s something you’d tell your younger self?” You can have ice cream for dinner, nobody will stop you.

Live now on Messenger:

“I have an AI boyfriend.” No, you don’t. It’s Adam and Eve or Adam and Steve, not Adam and USB.

Sex is cool, but have you ever had garlic bread?

2 months ago

0

Sex is cool, but have you ever had garlic bread?

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Sure, sex is cool and all, but have you ever sunk your teeth into a warm, buttery slice of garlic bread? 🤤 Now, that's true satisfaction right there! Who needs romantic shenanigans when you have carbs this delicious to fuel your soul? 🍞😆"

bread, cool, ever, food, garlic, garlic bread, humor, preference, relationship, sex

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I commented to a friend that I didn’t know how goofy Scream was. It turns out I have never seen Scream. I saw Scary Movie.

0

2 months ago

comment, friend, Goofy, humor, i, know, misunderstanding, movie, never, saw, scary, Scary Movie, scream, seen
I suck at flirting. I be like “is that so?”

0

2 months ago

awkward, comedy, conversation, dating, flirting, humor, i, relationships, skills, social, social skills, suck
Used dark mode so much that I became physically repulsed when I see a white screen.

0

2 months ago

dark, dark mode, discomfort, humor, i, mode, much, physically, preferences, repulsion, screen, technology, used, visual, visual discomfort, white, white screen
I miss the way I viewed the world before I found out too much about it.

0

5 months ago

before, found, humor, i, innocence, knowledge, miss, much, nostalgia, perspective, reflection, too, world, worldview
I like when I walk with people and they note that I’m a fast walker. We’re in a race. We’re in a race and you’re losing actually.

0

2 months ago

actually, analogy, competitive, competitive humor, fast, fast walking, humor, i, losing, note, observation, people, playful, playful sarcasm, race, race analogy, sarcasm, social, social observation, speed, walk, walker, walking, walking speed
I wish I was waking up and going to the airport.

0

4 months ago

airport, going, i, morning, travel, trip, waking, waking up, wish

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

34 shares on Snapchat this month:

Flip me over like a cassette tape, and play me again.

37 shares on Facebook this month:

There are two types of people in the world, those who have to go to Walmart, and those who get to go to Walmart.

22 shares on Slack this month:

We need to stop making more Christmas music. We have enough.

77 shares on Twitch this month:

Actually, no one sees you at your worst like your coworkers do.

95 shares on Telegram this month:

I can’t do the splits. But so far there has never been a situation where I’ve thought, “I should do the splits now.”

37 shares on Instagram this month:

You don’t see people giving bunny ears in photos anymore.

92 shares on Telegram this month:

Leaving your house and returning back safely is such an underrated blessing.

19 shares on Telegram this month:

Declined stepping on the scale at the doctor’s office because no one needs that kind of negativity in her life.

39 shares on YouTube this month:

I welcome change as long as nothing is altered or different than before.

52 shares on Messenger this month:

Did you know if you hold your ear up to a stranger’s leg, you can actually hear them say, ‘What the hell are you doing?’

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Not now, I’m befriending a crow and teaching it how to deliver handwritten love notes.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I drive safer when there’s food in my passenger’s seat than when there’s a person sitting there.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Last year I had no valentine, this year I also have no valentine. Consistency!

22 folks are currently checking 👀

How long past date can I eat eggs? Like are they still good or am I naming them now?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I concern myself with the opinions of sheep because they are cute.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

When someone asks me why I’m in a wheelchair, I want to say something ridiculous like, “I’m not standing up until I’ve saved a million.”

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m at the age when riding around town, I say, “When did they build that?”

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Gonna toot my own horn here because I made it through another day without turning any of my feelings into felonies.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

“Have AI summarize this email for you!” No thanks, I can read what the person actually said in the way they intended.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Self-cleaning conscience.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,710

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

If you’re ever intimidated by someone just imagine them opening a Capri Sun.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

This is the wrong generation for people with an old soul.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

I have to pee. Story of my life.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

I love when men go on diets they will be like “let me go for the healthy option”: the buffalo chicken quesadilla.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

Money doesn’t impress me. Giving it to me does.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Being friends with introverts is hard sometimes. Did they die? Are they just recharging? Are they Batman now? The suspense is killing me.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

Lack of sex really gets you mad at every little thing for no reason.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

I hate hotel bath towels. So thick and fluffy, I can’t even close my suitcase.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

That annoying moment when you’re texting someone and autocorrect decides to join the conversation.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Sorry about all the mean stuff I said when I was right.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

How many filters does it take before it’s technically a painting?

Making waves on Slack:

Salsa counts as a serving of vegetables, right?

Spotted on Instagram:

The masculine urge to hitch your pants up after making a minor decision.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

It’s perfectly normal if you want to watch an actor’s entire filmography because you find them attractive. Don’t let anyone stop you.

Just landed via Twitch:

In other news, congrats to my therapist for securing a 4 year contract with me.

Going viral on Messenger:

I’m an atheist, so if you send prayers, I’ll send thoughts.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Of course I intermittently fast. That’s when I sleep.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Some 100 private jets will fly to Venice for Jeff Bezos’ wedding, and I recycle yoghurt cup lids.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Relationship rule: If the woman has told something and the man doesn’t remember, the man hasn’t listened. If the man has told something and the woman doesn’t remember, the man has never told it.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Welcome to Netflix. We have every movie but the one you actually want to watch.

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