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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Silicon Valley has taken over the world. Remember when nerds had the good manners to be ashamed of themselves?

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

You are not obligated to post a video of yourself dancing.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

My husband needs a hearing aid, but refuses to get one because it’s the key to our happy marriage.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

Ugh, but profoundly.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

The older I get, the more I appreciate people who pretend not to notice me when they see me out in public.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

My sleeping cycle is completely backwards. In the morning I feel sleepy and at night I can’t fall asleep.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

If I sing “Hello” and you think of “Lionel Richie” and not “Adele,” then you can probably predict the weather with one of your knees.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

You say “multitask” like it’s a good thing.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

A middle finger hits different when your nails are done.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

The neighbor sneezes loudly from the balcony. And because I’m a polite person, I shout loudly: Disgusting!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

764 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,926

Funny Quotes Topics

13,898

Funny Quotes Images

10,926

Updated

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Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Discord:

I’m 6 donuts away from being the elephant in the room.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Aliens will always remain unidentified because they’re embarrassed to be associated with us humans.

Just shared via Facebook:

Without freedom of speech, we wouldn’t know who the idiots are.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I just want to be treated like a hot little French fry.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

You should be allowed to leave work early if you are really in love.

Seen just now on Threads:

The world is my ostrich, or whatever.

Spotted on Telegram:

This whole week could have been an email.

Breaking via Messenger:

I love being outside, just not when it’s too cold or too hot or too wet or too windy or if there are bugs.

Just shared via Pinterest:

If the interviewer doesn’t think it’s cool when you pull a quarter out of his ear, the job wasn’t good enough for you anyways.

Siblings are proof you can love someone and also dislike them at the same time.

7 days ago

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Commentary:
Sibling love: when "I got your back" becomes "I got your back because I pushed you out of the way first!" 😂🤷‍♂️👫

dislike, family, humor, irony, love, proof, relationships, same, siblings, someone, time

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Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

I believe the IRS is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

I hate when people are like “you are so nice”. I’m ugly, I have no other choice.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

My boss just left which means I have finished all of my work for the day.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

They should name a personality disorder after me.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

Petition to lower the retirement age. I’m tired now.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

We live in a cosmic tornado, but sure, let’s all get jobs.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Me, as a vampire: Tell me, mortal, have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

I’m at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to stop for anything on the way home from work.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

Can anyone recommend some basic intrusive thoughts for someone looking to get into anxiety?

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

The first five days after the weekend are the worst.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Happy Earth Day. You don’t look a day over 4 billion years and get hotter every year.

Trending via Telegram:

One day I’ll do amazing things. Today I’ll be satisfied if I don’t spill food on my lap.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I told my psychiatrist I’ve been hearing voices lately. He told me I don’t have a psychiatrist.

Going viral on X:

Two words have helped me open a lot of doors in my life. Push and Pull.

Making waves on Slack:

I overthink, therefore I am.

Freshly posted on X:

It doesn’t matter how bizarre your situation is. Somebody on Reddit already been there, done that.

Making waves on YouTube:

Pinterest algorithm is like a loving dad who fills the whole fridge with oranges after seeing you enjoy one.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Stop telling people to grow up. Have you seen adults?

Making waves on Instagram:

Sometimes I think about starting a podcast and then I remember all I do during conversations is nod.

Breaking via Twitch:

My new diet plan is to hibernate and live off all this fat I’ve accumulated.

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Siblings are proof you can love someone and also dislike them at the same time.

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Home is where you can walk around like a bum.

You don’t have to write every day to be a writer! You just have to feel guilty every day that you don’t.

Release that sexual frustration, get a burger.

Dear autocorrect, that’s not what I was trying to say. I’m getting tired of your shirt.

I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I’m just another dysfunctional train wreck barreling down the tracks with a smile.

20’s: what even is a hangover? 40’s: puts on sunglasses to open fridge…

I’m not good at solving Pi, but I’m really good at eating it.

How are there low birth rates when everyone here is a big baby?

To me, essential oils are what drips out of tacos.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Not to brag, but I ate all of my bananas before they turned brown. Don’t be jealous.

Jurassic Park came out decades ago, and now I feel like a fossil.

Me, as a vampire: Tell me, mortal, have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?

Got the zoomies at work, and now HR is chasing me around with a butterfly net.

Leave me alone, man. I’m just living my life like a candle in the wind.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I’m not lazy. I just give my couch the love it deserves.

I’ve been ghosted enough to add paranormal investigator to my resume.

I changed my alarm clock sound to an applause, it’s the least I deserve for waking up at 7am.

What if we kissed while watching the decay of our society?

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Siblings are proof you can love someone and also dislike them at the same time.

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