Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • At my age I don’t sleep, I nap between pee breaks.
  • Two of the best things in life are laughing and orgasms. I want to make you do both a lot.
  • Aliens: We are here to take over. Me: Thank God.
  • The Bachelor is like “Meet Savannah from Brooklyn, Madison from Savannah, Brooklyn from Madison”
  • It’s time I admit something: Sometimes, when I say good night, I don’t actually go to bed right away.
  • Writers should get a direct line to the FBI so we can call them and give them a heads up when we’re googling ways to poison someone but just for a story.