Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Sleeping is my favorite addiction, my cozy bed is like the shadiest dealer in town, and my alarm clock? Well, it's the biggest snitch of them all! 🛌💤🚨 #SleepingBeautyTurnedSleepingCriminal"

alarm, bed, drug, police, sleep

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85 shares on Discord this month:

King-sized beds: Because you both want to sleep on the same mattress, but not in the same zip code.

35 shares on Threads this month:

I need a new hobby that costs zero dollars and takes up 100% of my free time. So far, all I’ve come up with is mowing the lawn.

90 shares on YouTube this month:

Who called it girl math and not galgebra?

12 shares on Twitch this month:

I remember when Britain used to be so rich, you’d be embarrassed to go into a Lidl or Aldi.

23 shares on Threads this month:

Deodorant? No, I never need to buy any. People just give it to me. Complete strangers sometimes.

70 shares on Pinterest this month:

I can’t keep up anymore. Happy birthday to everyone for the rest of your life.

96 shares on TikTok this month:

If you are lonely, dim all the lights and put on a horror movie. You won’t feel like you are lonely any more.

12 shares on Twitch this month:

The lion does not concern himself with divorce papers.

28 shares on Twitch this month:

Nobody supports you like that one internet friend you’ve never met.

23 shares on Threads this month:

Every morning I wake up and think I have a hangover, but then I realize I didn’t drink, and this is just how I feel now.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

You come from dust and you will return to dust. That’s why I don’t dust. It could be someone I know.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Situationships are just you pretending you’re okay with getting used until they find someone they actually like.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

And then there are those dates after which you think: “Have I really shaved my legs for this?”

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

I think my dad just eradicated a small village with his sneeze.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Life is short. Tell people you love them, so they block you sooner.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

According to my kids’ Christmas lists, they think this parenting gig pays pretty well.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

My family passed down mood swings and anxiety instead of money or houses.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

I become the most financially irresponsible person in the world the second I step into a Japanese stationary store.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

A service where you bring a working printer to my house, I print the one thing I need, and you leave again until next year.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

People who wear jeans for fun around their house have bodies buried in their backyard.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on WeChat:

Chickens only make one sound, because they can’t think outside the bawks.

Trending via Slack:

Women’s fall fashion is basically coming up with ways to wear a blanket without it looking like you’re wearing a blanket.

Seen just now on Messenger:

My favorite type of gender reveal is the one where they just tell me and I don’t have to go to a party to find out.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I just need to get over everything that has happened to me in my entire life and then we can hang out.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Al guys are like, “We can’t use it to cure cancer, but we can suck all the joy and purpose out of life so that dying isn’t sad.”

Going viral on Discord:

Started from the bottom, now we a little bit above the bottom.

Going viral on Facebook:

Roses are red. Blue got me thinking. I reckon it’s time for some excessive day drinking…

Shared recently on Telegram:

The worst thing about wearing headphones is when you hallucinate people shouting you. Like, why does this happen?

Shared recently on Facebook:

All these self-driving vehicles… It’s only a matter of time before we hear a country song about his truck leaving him.

Broadcasted on Slack:

To whoever has my voodoo doll, please stop making her go to work.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sleeping is my drug, my bed is my dealer and my alarm is the police.

I’m having a garage sale and hope people I’ve borrowed things from don’t come.

Robots eating a bowl of cereal that’s actually a bunch of nuts and bolts, you don’t see that as much anymore.

I’m not an alcoholic, I only drink twice a year. When it’s sunny, and when it isn’t.

If you inject Botox into a raisin, does it turn back into a grape?

I see 1000 girls. I know 100 girls. I talk to 10 girls. I love 1 girl. And she doesn’t love me back.

I’m glad laughter is the best medicine because my insurance sucks.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sleeping is my drug, my bed is my dealer and my alarm is the police.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I’m having a garage sale and hope people I’ve borrowed things from don’t come.

Robots eating a bowl of cereal that’s actually a bunch of nuts and bolts, you don’t see that as much anymore.

I’m not an alcoholic, I only drink twice a year. When it’s sunny, and when it isn’t.

If you inject Botox into a raisin, does it turn back into a grape?

I see 1000 girls. I know 100 girls. I talk to 10 girls. I love 1 girl. And she doesn’t love me back.

I’m glad laughter is the best medicine because my insurance sucks.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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