I never oversleep in the mornings. I set an alarm and a back-up alarm. Plus, there’s also a noisy kid once those fail.

I never oversleep in the mornings. I set an alarm and a back-up alarm. Plus, there's also a noisy kid once those fail.

Commentary:
“I never oversleep in the mornings. I set an alarm and a back-up alarm. Plus, there’s also a noisy kid once those fail. 🚨⏰🤦‍♂️ Must be a kid with zero chill, determined to make sure you wake up on time! 😂”

Advertisement

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • I can now tell the hour of the day by which part of my body needs a heating pad.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs a clock when you have your own internal heating pad schedule 🕒🔥 Sounds like your body is setting – and heating – the time! ⏰😂”

  • Meatloaf is a good safe word. It means I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…

    Commentary:
    “Meatloaf as a safe word? 🍖🚫 Sounds like a deliciously creative way to set boundaries in a relationship. I guess some things are just too meaty to handle! 😂 #MeatloafDrama”

  • Friends with benefits, but it’s just that they make delicious baked goods.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs a significant other when you can have friends with muffin-tary benefits? 🧁🥐😄 Let them whisk away your problems with their yummy creations! #BakeItTilYouMakeIt”

  • Why did they call it an Amazon wishlist and not an ‘Oughttobuyography’.

    Commentary:
    “Brilliant observation! Maybe because ‘Oughttobuyography’ was too long for the internet’s short attention span, but hey, we can always add it to our Shoppedia 😉💸📚”

  • One of my biggest talents is taking hundreds of screenshots that I swear I’ll need, but I never look at them again.

    Commentary:
    “Skill level: Expert Screenshot Saver 📸📸 Expert Screenshot Ignorer 🙈💻 Who needs memories when you have GBs of forgotten screenshots, right? 😂 #ScreenshotQueen#DigitalPackrat”

  • Celebrating President’s Day by not doing anything I promised I would.

    Commentary:
    “Happy President’s Day! Just following in the footsteps of our esteemed leaders by procrastinating on my responsibilities like a true POTUS 🇺🇸💤 #PresidentsDayProcrastination”