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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

Saying “sounds good to me” in a meeting then quickly realizing a lot more was expected from you.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

I’ve learned my lesson so many times that I could be a teacher.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Yesterday I really wanted tacos and now I’m eating tacos. Follow your dreams!

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

Meetings are great because who doesn’t like being held hostage?

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

My favorite part of parenting is when the kids are bored enough to entertain themselves, but getting to that point is excruciating.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

No, I don’t comment, I voodoo doll like a real adult.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Phone addiction got so bad that watching a movie feels productive.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

I want to be so rich that when I see a spider in my house I won’t kill it, I’d buy another house.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

My life coach traded me.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

It’s crazy how social media convinced us that 15 likes aren’t enough. Imagine 15 people in real life telling you that you looked good.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.

Just landed via Threads:

What are some beginner bad habits for someone just getting into ruining their life?

Going viral on Messenger:

Grok just sounds like something that might try to eat me.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

So apparently problems don’t go away if you ignore them.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Of all her outfits, my shirt and no underwear will always be my favorite.

Breaking via X:

Sorry I’m late, my song came on at the grocery store.

Just landed via Reddit:

People remind me everyday why I prefer being on my own.

Trending via WhatsApp:

My social circle is so small that when the phone rings, I know it’s scammers.

Just shared via Telegram:

Every weekend has two days: Saturday and It’s Monday Tomorrow.

Spotted on YouTube:

I swear every time I look up from my phone, it’s a different holiday.

Software engineers are the dumbest smart people I’ve ever met.

18 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about software engineers' surprising mix of intelligence and silliness.

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Commentary:
When engineers overheat, they might install a fridge app to cool down. 😂💻🥶

dumb, dumbest, engineer, ever, humor, intelligence, met, paradox, people, smart, software, software engineer

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73 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Garlic and bread is the only marriage I truly have faith in.

37 shares on Telegram this month:

Drinking 3L of water daily helps you avoid other people’s drama because you’re too busy peeing. Stay hydrated.

72 shares on Twitch this month:

I told all my neighbors that I have a twin, so that when I see them in public I don’t have to talk to them.

53 shares on Reddit this month:

Yeah, I can explain that gap on my resume, I tried to move a picture in Word.

33 shares on Facebook this month:

At this point, Tom Cruise is a stuntman who does his own acting.

40 shares on Messenger this month:

ChatGPT is down right now and if you listen closely, you can hear millions of content creators screaming.

16 shares on Telegram this month:

The Epstein files are real, but they can’t figure out how to convert them to a PDF.

59 shares on X this month:

If you make it through life without being portrayed in a murder documentary, take the win.

47 shares on Instagram this month:

If you see me in public, it’s AI.

43 shares on X this month:

Naked and Afraid because there’s a spider in the shower with me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

The problem is I am always the problem.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

It’s funny how our brains remember that we have forgotten something, but not what we have forgotten.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Women aren’t complicated. Just give us attention and leave us alone.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

Why is incognito mode always associated with freaky shit? I use it to search up very obvious questions, so there’s no record of me looking dumb.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Nothing brings neighbors together like a few cops cars in front of another neighbor’s house that no one likes.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

A big part of aging is accumulating keys and not knowing what they’re for.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium. Me: OMg.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

I don’t need all of these heat advisory warnings on my phone. I’ve been outside. I have skin. I know.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn’t come back, what you lost was a normal pigeon.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I tell it like it is: Sometimes I watch the calls on my cell phone and just wait for it to stop ringing.

Making waves on Threads:

Salary week, but salary weak.

Going viral on Reddit:

I hate it when I’m cleaning the house and suddenly find a bowl of ice cream in my lap and my soap opera on.

Just shared via Twitch:

Starting is the hardest part. Unless it’s eating chocolate. Then stopping is the hardest part.

Spotted on X:

I’m an atheist, so if you send prayers, I’ll send thoughts.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Me, watching porn: they’re just going to let that pizza get cold?

Shared recently on Slack:

Imagine not sleeping with plushies. You guys are gonna get eaten by monsters.

Going bananas on Slack:

I don’t know if I’m still tired or already tired.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Math is like Chinese to me.

Live now on TikTok:

Imagine not sighing when you think about your life.

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Activity Log ✨

Software engineers are the dumbest smart people I’ve ever met.

I quit boxing the moment I realized my opponent was allowed to punch me in the face, too.

For International Women’s Day, I’m going to celebrate by hitting every curb I see.

My friends wife threatened to leave him over his Star Wars collectibles and I was like “divorce is strong in this one”.

Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves while he does.

I’m not a morning person. I’m not even an afternoon person. I pretty much start functioning after 6pm.

My dog sets an impossible bar for how I should greet my wife when she comes home.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Software engineers are the dumbest smart people I’ve ever met.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I quit boxing the moment I realized my opponent was allowed to punch me in the face, too.

For International Women’s Day, I’m going to celebrate by hitting every curb I see.

My friends wife threatened to leave him over his Star Wars collectibles and I was like “divorce is strong in this one”.

Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves while he does.

I’m not a morning person. I’m not even an afternoon person. I pretty much start functioning after 6pm.

My dog sets an impossible bar for how I should greet my wife when she comes home.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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